Will You Still Be KIND With People UNKIND Of You?

that's exactly how i replied when being asked by an office-mate, who then will help her if not me? it's not really that easy to raise children. different stages, different attitudes. and people will always tell me, it's much harder to raise a step-child. i know, this will come to an end, soon.

yes, i really hate the situation we are in right now. what can we do? the oil price is getting higher everyday and pulling up the prices of all the things including the tuition fees. and our salary is always left behind. of course, i love to help. as long as i have to give, i do help when it's necessary to give. and it's a great feeling to see ourselves helping people and making them happy even for that time only. and i know, God is glorified when we are doing good things to other people.

ybong: do you mean we are on the same boat? oh yes, that we could not tell our wives and that will surely hurt them. my wife though maintains a small store to cater the basic daily requirements of the neighbors. she sells soap, detergent, powdered juice, cooking oil, and others. most of the time, we also get our needs from that small store, which eventually make the sale down. and though it earns a little, it's still not enough to fill the gap between paydays. jhelai: i understand about taking care of the children especially when they are still young. it's a lot different from getting a nanny for them or let grandma and grandpa take care of them. and as you said, it's us the parents has the sole obligation in taking care of the children. we just hold on, sacrifice and face the predicament till they get to the stage of being a dependent people.

Got your point Jhelai and we do understand them but there are times when you're short on budget and the wives complain that it's giving them headache and made us feel as if it is entirely our fault. It's OK if you're hearing this when you're on a good mood but when hearing this after having a bad day some naughty thoughts normally come across our minds like, "do you want me to rob a bank?", "Are you sorry now that you married me?" or "why don't you get a job yourself?" but those thoughts are better left unsaid, either you'll hear silence or a "di kasi marunong mag budget" reply. @neil, very much so. Good for you that you store is still alive and kicking. We did that already but we have to let it go not because it's not earning but my wife just can't handle when people make "utang" and don't pay on time . I bought a pedicab but she's just letting it rot just to teach her brother a lesson for not taking care of it properly, etc etc...

ahem... =) im a wife too and i know husbands predicament on this thing. finding a job and keeping the house clean and the children on the right is not a easy job to do. even if we wanted to help our husbands but sometimes it would not be that easy. the children growing up. i won't just like my children to be of care with the yayas and their grandparents because that is our sole obligation. but i husbands would also look to what we have suffered and sacrifice as well. =)

franne: of course i do love her. i treat her together with her older brother as my own children, both of them, as how i treat my own biological children. if ever i do some unkindness sometimes, that's only my way of letting them know they are doing wrong, to correct their mistakes. they could be unkind with me and disrespectful to us but that really makes us ignore them or take them for granted. sanofer: like i said, we love her and i treat her the same as how i treat my own biological children. if ever i do or show unkindness to them at times, that only to let them know that they did something wrong and so, to correct them, to discipline them. jhelai: i keep on praying and hoping that someday soon, she will change and get matured. and with the job she will find, i know it will help a lot to make her a better person, better sister and daughter.

the advice given by you is really good. even though that girl is not her biological daughter,she is like his daughter only. he has to take care of her and he should not be unkind to her.if he and his wife shows the best love towards their daughter,that small girl will change for sure.

she would truly, surely change as long as you won't let her left out. guide her in the right path. be a father that you are to her and let her feel that she is loved as always even if she is unkind and respectful. be patient my friend and pray. all is well in the end. =)

sanofer: we were actually thinking about summer jobs. but summer jobs don't stay for long. i understand what you mean, and we really tried so hard to support her. but at this point, we could no longer continue to finance her studies. if she found a job this time, as i am trying my best to get the recommendation letters from good sources, she can save some of her will be salary for her to continue schooling someday. jhelai: to tell you straight now, our office lacks one staff. she resigned for some reason. next week, another staff will take a leave and get ready for her delivery. by next month, another one will take a long leave to prepare for the bar exams. that means, we need people here. and so i tried to recommend my daughter to fill the vacant position. it's actually not a permanent position, job order that is. but if she will only do good with the people here, and with the present city leaders, she will not lose the job easily. i know about this job order personnel as when i came her for the first time, they were already here, and still here for years.

true. though your daughter is not your biological daughter and she is disrespectful and unkind still you have been her parents and its our obligation to take care of her well being especially her education. you can ask her to help out but don't put her in a situation that she won't be able to go to school because it is our obligation as parents to let our children go to school up to the time that they may be able to stand up on their own. and graduate. do think about it friend. it not good to be unkind to unkind people. it won't do you any good. do help her in any way you still could to make her, hopefully someday a better person.

neildc: do let her try and just explain and make her understand the situation and everything that must be said and must be done. hope that she would cooperate and help the family. it's not easy in her part because who knows she might come up with many invalid reasons why she ended up out of school. but it's worth a try friend. hope it would all turn up right. i will pray for your success. =)

i know it will not make the situation better. but i am also human and i also get hurt. i could not just easily take it for granted, being disrespected by the girl that you take care for years, since she was 2. understand her is much harder for me, because i believe she is the most normal and should be the most matured among her siblings. she's old and big enough as you said, to understand the situation. it's just that disappointing, you know. but i never lose hope so i resort to patience. we love her the same way we love her when she was still 2. and we have never let her feel she is unwanted. but we cannot just force ourselves, my work. my salary can only get to that level. and i don't know when it will get higher. with patience, hope and prayers, someday i know we will see her become a better person.

i do hope with the love, patience and prayers for her, she would realize how her family love her so much. that being bad is not a good resort of whatever bad things she had in mind for her family. do have more patience my friend. yes i know it would be irritating and hurtful sometimes but what can we do but to still be there for her no matter what. but if lessons must be learned from her then do it. let her know that what she is doing is wrong. and hope that someday she will get out of it and be a better person, daughter and sibling that she must be.

i will say this again, i'll keep holding on that hope, that someday she will realize her mistakes and become a better person.

Yes, it really is. When I got with my youngest daughter's father, he had 2 children and I had 3 from a previous marriage so together we had six, all of whom lived with us full time. I did a lot of reading on blended families and I really thought that we were strong enough to overcome the odds. We were not. I could see his side but I did not agree with how he dealt with it. The daughter he was having problems with was much younger than yours. She was 10 at the time. I never went against him in front of my daughter and I never ignored her being disrespectful to him or anyone....it just wasn't acceptable behavior. If she is an adult and I am thinking that she must be then you need to talk this out with your wife. It is NOT ok for her to be disrespectful to you in your home. If she is not going to school then she needs to find a job. If she can't do the rules then she needs to move out...her choice. its called tough love. The problem is that your wife might not agree on this?? I don't know your full situation but I do know that it is a hard spot to be in. I will say that sometimes I felt very torn between him and my child because his way was not MY way of dealing with discipline. I think you are dealing with it in the right way. My question would be is she at least doing "something" about her daughter's disrespect even if it is not what you would do? Is she acknowledging it? I ask because. I did. I hated that my daughter was disrespectful towards him and what I hated was that I would get out of work and both of them would be waiting for me like a pair of pitbulls attacking me with their side of the story of some incident that I did not even witness and I was just tossed in the middle.

setting an example doesn't work with her. and so as the talking. most of the time i let my wife talk and me to walk away. of course, i still have the love and care for her, as when i married their mom, together i love them too. it's really a stressful situation i am in now.

i have always been a father to both the children for more than 16 years. i have always love them the way i love my own children. i have never showed them they are different from my own and treat them as my own too. i know i did the best that i know to be their father and it's really frustrating and disappointing when you are not treat nice. it's nice to know about the grants from the government. yes it will take time to get the degree but it will soon come. but here in our country, it's not that easy to get aid from the government and that's why more people are undergraduate or never been to college. underemployment and unemployment are also growing fast each time school year ends. i really really hope, once she find a job, that work will change her. someday she will definitely change and hope it will be better and not worse.

Well I understand it, you must do what you can to survive and be able to keep a roof on your head. Maybe the "school of life" will teach her responsibility and respect.

i hope and pray for that.

if i am really able to sustain with the expenses, i won't let her stop and look for a job. but i am not so there is something to be sacrificed and some to sacrifice.

i agree with that, and who would help her if not me. actually, i am someone who is also like you who is not easy to forget though i am not vengeful. and it's not really inspiring to help unkind people. i understand you for being bias in that sense.

Thank you for understanding my point. It is very challenging on how you wanted to help other people then when it will come to a point that you will be the one who is need then they refused to help you.

i am not sure if the is correct to say she is bitter with life and so she annoys me. when she understand well the situation both of her parents, and why they split up. besides, when they first met, there was no excitement on her. she's not even showing excitement to meet her brothers with her father. i don't know. it's just like a show of appreciation to the one who raised you. but all seems to be the opposite of what we expect from someone who is a normal person and with a bright minds. well, i guess time will really come for her to realize what me and her mother did to raise them all.

Is she an only child of her mother to her father? Yes, time will come when she will finally realize how much sacrifices you also gave for her sake.

SO now i understand that she's your stepdaughter. No wonder she feels that way with you. She's like that because she cannot accept that his father has his own family now. She's bitter with life so that's why she does things to annoy you. At least, you are a kind stepfather to her because even if you incur debts because of her studies, you have sent her to college. SO, i maybe she should really understand that you are now his father, and she should respect you. A reprimand maybe should be done to her, by her own mother, not you.

i guess the only reason for this is, i am not able and i will not force myself nor do bad things that will destroy my personality, just to give what they want. i still believe it's the parents' responsibility if not an obligation to send them to school and they (the children) have the rights to education. but doing something that is against the law of God, the law of man and the law of nature, is against my principles.

I have absolutely no doubt that you're gem of a person. Keep up the good things in life.

i love that wisdom you shared here. thanks for that. i try to be nice with her and i just hope i won't lose patience. i however keep reaching out for her, my wife knows about it. anyway, i continue to hold on with that hope that soon she will change. with mylot, i always believe i have friends like you that whenever we feel dismayed with our lives, you are there to support and give us comfort.

i understand you when it's about friends but how about those people near you say, a member of your first family or relatives?

actually, she is the one who is really eager to look for a job. it's not once that she applied for jollibee. lately she told us, she will again apply for a job with another store branch and then a summer job. in our office, we are already lacking one personnel. one will leave next week to prepare for her delivery and another one will also be leaving to prepare for the bar exams. our boss told us to look for persons to fill up the place of those three. so i recommended my daughter. but we are still looking for some backers from the higher posts. hopefully by next week, we will get good results. at first, my boss don't agree with something like a summer job, she don't want to have students as when school opens again, we the position will be vacated again and so the work will get affected. when our daughter heard about this, she said, if that is the case, she will then stop going to school if she can get the job.

what we can do now with situation is to wait and see. hope and pray time will come with her to change and be a better person.

that's really sad and disappointing and frustrating on the part of the parents. we could never imagine how she grew up this way. but i still hope someday she will realize her mistakes and change for the better.

you have a great opinion here friend. and i believe in everything that you said, especially the composition of a family. biologically or not, she is my daughter. but the truth is always asked most of the time, when we have to introduce us both to people considering the surnames we have aren't the same. she bears her father's. as i said in the other box, if i am only able to sustain with the expenses, i won't let her stop college. i love to see my children finish and get a degree. and it will be a pride of mine if i am the one and not other people or the children will persevere and work for their schooling. i just keep my patience and keep holding on the hope, that with the job she will find, she gets matured and change for the better.