My friend is staying with her hubby

Well sometimes if the person is in-love no matter what you said, what is good for her, still they won't listen. You already did your part as a friend, but in spite of all you've done, still your the one to be blamed, then better stop that, If again she comes back to you and tell you that she cant take her husband anymore don't say anything, just listen. She's the only one who can help herself and she knows whats she wants and what can make her happy.

Your friend clearly has issues and is dragging you down with her. I am not sure how close you two are or how dearly you value the friendship, but some people just can not be helped. You are trying to help her, and she knows what she has to do, but she is stupidly running back to her abuser. Does your friend feel as though she will not find anyone else to love her? In any case, she is making you out to be the bad guy and that is not cool, especially when you are only trying to help her out. There is a quote that goes something like 'The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results'. I think you should write your friend a note with this quote in it, offer your support one last time but also let her know that you do not deserve this (being blamed for making her move out) so she needs to make the best decision for her safety and well being. Good luck.

Hi celticKimba, You are not to blame for this i had all this in the past and one day i just said lisen F off and leave me the hell out of it i know it sounds a bit mean But i had to say it as it was doing my head in. I was trying my best to help a family member and i adviced the best i could but they kept going back every bloody time. It goes in one ear and out the other with them they just don,t lisen but they say they do. So what do i say to anyone who asks for advice now i say sorry its your road you have to walk it and i leave it at that. Take care my friend and please don,t blame yourself as its nothing to do with you let them work it out. Fergus

Hi, Celtickimba, a friend of mine recently told me a story with the following lesson: Don't insist to help somebody if he or she doesn't want your help. The story was about a woman who wanted to help a friend to find a job. The friend hadn't asked to be helped. At the end of the story the friendship was over ant the person who wanted to do a good thing had a lot of problems. I understand that you care about your friend. But maybe you should just leave her to deal alone with her problems.

First, never advise when not ask....Second, if you think that person really need your advise, don't talk and be a good listener, pray for that person. Third, instead of talking, go out shopping with her or gave her a book about self esteem development (don't give book like, How to kick your husband?)or visit her at home on week end or invite her to church. don't get angry if she blame you...it is not true. she just don't know what to do, say or think! say hi to her when you see her again, don't brought out the topic she don't like. pray for your friend. what she's going on now make her feel no value at all. my prayer is GOD will touch her heart and give her courage

You're a great friend to your friend and no one can fault you for that, but take it from somebody who's been there, stay out of the married people's business. In an abusive relationship, for some odd reason the victim always tends to go back no matter how abusive the abuser is. There is a level of dependancy that none of us on the outside of the relationship could even begin to understand. You've done your best as friend, you've advised her and even incurred some blame for it, you just need to let things take it's course, one can only hope that she opens her eyes to the impending danger she's facing before it's too late.

Do her and her mother get along good? I've stayed with my mom for awhile and it drove me crazy. Staying where I was did end up being the lesser of 2 evils at the time. However, she should not be putting the blame on you for anything. She obviously went to you for help and you told her what you thought. You didn't force her to take your advice or anything like that. I'd say the next time she does it, just don't help her (easier said than done I know), but keep her in your prayers. God willing she'll come to her senses before it's too late.

If her hubby really abuses her, why she wants to return? It only means her husband is not as rude as you all think. If he is, your friend wouldn't even walk a step or two back to him.

well you have tried to help her and she has turned her back on you blaming you for things, the next time she coems running to you telling you that her husband is being abusive, do not say anything to her, she's been helped by you and she's thrown it back in your face, let her stay with him and let her be abused, she has had chances to leave him but won't she cannot be helped unless she wants to be helped, stay out of it and don't even give her an opinion, if she asks for an opinion, don't say anything, tell her to do what she thinks is right

You tried to help her out and be well. You cannot help a person that doesn't want to help herself. Let her do whatever she wants to do. And if she needs help make sure she is ready to listen and to help herself.

I feel that you are a good friend and it's not your fault that your friend has this problem. There's only so much you can do and you've done it. I think listening is a good idea and that you should be there to listen and talk about other things and do fun things to get her mind off stuff but not give her advice about her marriage now. She's not going to change unless she wants to. It's true that there's a dependency that's hard for people out of the relationship to understand. I want through that in my marriage before I got divorced from my verbally, emotionally, psychologically, abusive ex-husband. It was 1 of the hardest things I've ever done but I'm glad I did and sometimes I wish I'd left sooner even before we had our son who has health issues, before my own health issues, and my ex has his health issues too. My son lives with his dad cause of my illness and I have visitation and pay child support. My ex still gets to me sometimes since I hate confrontations, conflict, and tempers but I'm glad I don't have to deal with him all the time like when I was with him. Life is still hard but I don't regret divorce hard as it is.

If this keeps happening, she's going to have to make a choice soon. Maybe, she loves her husband so much she can't stay without him, I have no idea how she continues to like him even though he's abusive. But blaming you is the unbelievable part, she should understand that you're trying to help her, not trying to ruin her life. I doubt she's a good friend, but my suggestion would be to stay with it for a while, maybe she'll make the right decision and you'll be able to keep your friend too! :)

I think you should tell your friend to make a decision and stick to it. Yes, she's confused. Yes, she's hurt. Yes, she still loves her husband. But she should learn to own up to her mistakes and not blame you or other persons for her problems with her husband. You are not part of her relationship with her husband. She should 'man' up and stick it up to him.

I think you should distance yourself from your friend. She has to work out her own problems as this involves her family. Abuse usually increases and becomes more violent as time goes by. If you continue meddling with their affairs, you might even be accused as being the cause of such violence. Your friend is a mature person, she has to learn to stand up and say that enough is enough!.

She move out, then goes running and then blaming you. I would stay away if I were you. I don't want to be involve further and then have the abusive hubby trying to hurt me for 'encouraging' her wife to run away before. Nor that I appreciate a friend who put the blame on me.