Behaviorial Problems
By Katie
@katie4720011 (218)
United States
March 18, 2012 5:21pm CST
Day before yesterday I kept my 3 grandchildren overnight. Then yesterday when my daughter came to pick them up she wanted me to ride to the store with her to pick some things up. The whole ride there my two youngest grandchildren screamed and fought amonst themselves. I separated them and told them that I did not want to hear another word out of them. They were quite the rest of the way there. When we got to the store I held onto my granddaughter because she does not know how to behave in a store and grabs everything off of the shelves and won't leave anything alone. She is 9 years old and old enought to know better. She pulled and whined the whole time we were in the store and trying her best to get loose. I finally had enough and left the store with my granddaughter. I stood outside and told her how ashamed I was of her behavior in public and that I would never take her into a store again. I tried to explain to her that she needed to show respect for other people and things that did not belong to her. We then left and the whole ride home she whinned and complained and screamed and fought with her other brother who is 10. I pulled the van over and separated them again telling them how ashamed I was of their behavior. I told my daughter many times that these children who have been doing this from the time they could walk and talk that they needed behaviorial therapy. She still has not done anything. I can see this situation only worsening and it has. They have no respect for authority or their mother. They will trash their rooms right after she cleans them, they throw things ev everywhere and they just are plain disrespectiful. Do you think that behaviorial therapy is the way to go or are there other alternitives to try?
1 person likes this
8 responses
@suzukigirl1970 (106)
•
19 Mar 12
Obviously I don't know your daughter's home situation with another parent etc. My eldest daughter was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at the age of 7 years. This was after three years of being hauled into the Head Teacher's office at least once a week about her behaviour.
She was disruptive and unruly and I tried my best to make her understand right from wrong, but her being my child I didn't know if her behaviour was 'normal'. My husband was out at work every day so he didn't get to see half of what went on with her.
After the diagnosis things started to get sorted with her being put on medication after a lot of debating on my and my husband's behalf.
Thankfully at the age of 15, nearly 16, she seems to be growing out of the condition but it has been one hell of a struggle this past 9 years.
I hope some of my story is helpful to you. If you would like to know more please feel free to ask and if I can help I'll do my best to do so.
@katie4720011 (218)
• United States
19 Mar 12
Actually both my grandchildren were diagnosed with ADHD with behaviorial problems, and she was even told by the school when they tested them that this was the problem but as yet she has not taken them to try and get some kind of treatment as the man she is living with refuses to let her. He says there is nothing wrong with these children.
@suzukigirl1970 (106)
•
19 Mar 12
She needs to stand up to him and get those kids some help a.s.a.p. Its not a condition that can be ignored. The sooner they get help the better.
Even as a starting point she should go and see her Doctor to try and get further help with the children. It's not fair on them or their Mum to have to go through this alone. There are groups that offer help to parents with children with ADHD if she wants a more informal form of help.
I hope she decides to do what's best for her children and that she and they get the help that they so rightfully need and require.
If she's receiving Child Tax Credits, she can get more financial help as well.
@katie4720011 (218)
• United States
20 Mar 12
She has insurance which will cover this. I just wish she would try and do something because as you say, if she does not they will only get worse.
@ElicBxn (63643)
• United States
19 Mar 12
I suspect the only thing that will really help is peer pressure at this point.
My niece was a spoiled only child and only grandchild (until she was about 16) and it was only not wanting to having other friends get upset with her behavior that she modified it herself, but she started around 6-8 when her few friends started telling her to not be that way.
@katie4720011 (218)
• United States
19 Mar 12
I do not even believe that that will work either. It seems that there is nothing that phases them. They are told and told over and over and then the very second your back is turned they are doing exactly what you told them repeatedly that they could not do. Defiant is the only word for it.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
19 Mar 12
Your daughter must do something serious about this they are still young but there attitude are uncontrollable. Someday she will the only one who will suffer on this. But still it's not to late I hope she will do the right thing now. I know there are a lot of institution for a child behavior, It will help them. I know you can also encourage your daughter to do it for them.
@katie4720011 (218)
• United States
19 Mar 12
I have tried but as i said the father of the two youngest will not let her do anything sayting that there is nothing wrong with them. Yet noone really wants to see them come over because of their behavior. Just so aggravating that nothing is being done. I do know that even though they are my grandchildren and I love them that I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when they come over.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
19 Mar 12
Typical kids. When I was a kid, me and my brothers would setup a basketball ring inside the room. Then we'll move the beds and cabinets away, and then play inside the room til we're all tired and sweaty.
I don't think these kids need behavioral counseling, or whatever they call it. They just need some spanking. It's harsh to imagine but there are really times when you have to be cruel to be kind. This will benefit them in the long run. It will teach them how to respect their parents, and learn the lessons their parents are trying to teach them. To put it simply, punishment is necessary in life. If we don't punish them, they'll get spoiled. What's more if they stay that way til they grow up? That's a train wreck waiting to happen.
I don't think these kids need behavioral counseling, or whatever they call it. They just need some spanking. It's harsh to imagine but there are really times when you have to be cruel to be kind. This will benefit them in the long run. It will teach them how to respect their parents, and learn the lessons their parents are trying to teach them. To put it simply, punishment is necessary in life. If we don't punish them, they'll get spoiled. What's more if they stay that way til they grow up? That's a train wreck waiting to happen.@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
21 Mar 12
Well it's a good thing that they respect you. Maybe they do because you're older than your mother. Although one little hint that they can disrespect you too and that respect is gone. You have to hold this impression until at least after they grow up. Kids will be kids, I guess.
@katie4720011 (218)
• United States
19 Mar 12
The problem is that they have had spankings, they have been told repeatedly about their behavior and how embarrassing and uncalled for and how disrespectful they are of others and things that do not belong to them. When I had them several years ago it took a lot to get them both inline, you can only imagine the defiance. There was some control then because they knew that when I told them to do something or to behave then they did. But as I said they will mind me only if I am the only one there but if my daughter is anywhere around they are defiant and go wld and do not listen to anything.
@megamatt (14291)
• United States
20 Mar 12
Sadly, behavior, bad or good, is right on the head of the parents. Any kind of therapy is really is not addressing the problem and that is that perhaps a slightly stricter hand is going to be needed to kids. I've seen all kinds of children in public, some of them are well behaved, others are screaming howling tyrants right in public. It is to the point where people want to have children banned from public venues until they are going to behave.
The key is to raise your children to behave. When they are at a certain age, you got to work with them early and gradually, because if you try to reign them in right away, after letting them get away with anything, that is the problem that is begins. Behavior is created with the parents, not with therapists and their fancy degrees. That is just a quick fix and not really addressing the problem. Then again, there are many schools of thought that children should not be in public for long periods of time until they get to at least school age, because they don't have the attention span to behave. Which is not necessarily true in some cases but very true in others.
@tatzkie23 (770)
• Philippines
19 Mar 12
Your grandchildren really needs to be disciplined. But as you said, they don't listen or not really affected by their actions. I also think that 9 years old child can be teach about what's wrong and what's right. But it's seems that your grandchildren does not. A lot of children are like that nowadays, they don't listen or respect someone with authority. We're they like this before? have they been like this while growing up? Sometimes, environment has something to do with this behaviors. Sometimes, they just do things the way they see on other people. But with guidance by their parents, or relatives, they would know what's right and what's wrong.
@katie4720011 (218)
• United States
19 Mar 12
When I was my granddaughters age I was washing dishes and helping clean house and do laundry. We all worked together as a family and we respected our parents. We did not dare throw things everywhere and walk on them, that would be considered disrespectful. We helped our mother and we behaved in public. There was not reaching and touching things on the shelves because they did not belong to us. There was no back talk or ignoring my mother when she told us to do something and she did not ask, she told, and you did. We were not beat and abused but we did get a good old fashioned spanking when we deserved it. That I think is what has happened to this generation, all of a sudden spankings are considered abuse. That is ridiculous and now look what we have.
@CelticSoulSister (1640)
• Southend-On-Sea, England
6 Jun 12
I mean this kindly, but I'm afraid it seems as if it's a case of poor parenting rather than the children having behavioural disorders. It reads to me, from what you've written, that your grandchildren are used to not being disciplined at all and thus expect to get their own way all of the time - probably your daughter allows them to rule the household and her life, as well as their own lives. Children need firm, non-fuzzed-up boundaries in order to teach them how to behave properly and respectfully. Have you watched any of the SuperNanny series on TV? She has some marvellous ways of dealing with badly behaved children, but each time and on each of her programmes, it always turns out to be a case of dysfunctional parenting. If you've not seen SuperNanny, there are some clips and some full episodes of it on YouTube - some of them are from the USA and some from England. I think with consistent and firm discipline, you'd see a major, positive change in your grandchildren. The problem here seems as if you as their grandmother are trying to teach them boundaries and respect through healthy discipline, but all your good work gets ruined when your daughter allows them to run riot and do exactly as they please. The discipline you are attempting to give the children won't work unless your daughter follows it through and sets the same rules and boundaries for good behaviour.
@honest_efforts100 (1607)
• India
29 Jun 12
Yes, there are many other ways to control children like this. 1. Their mother needs to show them that she is the boss or the one on authority. 2. They will get punished when they do something wrong or inappropriate.3. How to be nice and appropriateThis might be one of the causes. Children are frustrated when something happens with their family or friends and they blame the problem on themselves. They can"t get their anger out or they don"t cry. So, I would try to control the kids first using these 3 ways first then I would give them behavorial therapy.
