Why are there WOMEN who could tolerate themselves a DOORMAT to their husbands?

Some may be too weak to leave and emotional unstable to decide for themselves. When a woman under long term of abuses from her husband and being manipulation daily since the day of her marriage, she can be changed into a totally different person and submit to the constant mind control. As an outsider who has never gone through spousal abuses especially from a dominant husband, you will have difficulty understand the level of effect this type of abuse can produce - fear and sense of obedient on the psychic of a victim toward the abuser, most of the time, the woman will be confused, live in fear and full of anxiety, worrisome and depressed, the longer a woman is subjected to this relationship, all these symptons will be more severe in the victim.

I think a lot of this is psychologically predetermined by the lives the women have led up to that point. I have friends who spent their formative years being told by their mothers that they needed to get a man. ANY man. They weren't worth anything if they didn't have a man. I never held onto that belief, I was more or less always my own person. But I've watched friend who, once they have a husband or serious boyfriend, will do whatever they have to, even be doormats and take punches, to keep from looking like a failure to their mothers and other family members. It beggars belief, doesn't it? This is the only life they get, and that's how they choose to spend it!

I was in not 1 but 3 abusive relationships growing up. Looking back now, I ask "what the heck was I thinking!?" But back then, I swore "he loves me" and "I deserved it." I had low self esteem and believed these men knew best. Thought they loved me and wanted to care for me. The yelling and hitting were just "accidents" that "wouldn't happen again." I don't really know what changed in my life. Perhaps it was finally finding a man who treated me like a princess. Years later, sure he's kind of messy and lazy and takes for the granted all the cooking and cleaning I do. But he's not abusive. He takes care of me when I am sick. He helps me pay my hospital bills. He's there when I need someone to talk to. Knowing now what it's like to be with a good man, I would NEVER go back to an abuser. I know it gets better and that I deserve better. But man when I was young and stupid, I had no idea!

Women who are in this kind of relationship you mentioned above gradually lose their own self esteem and confidence as they are physically and emotionally abused by their husbands. They make excuses that they were the ones to be blamed for the behavior of their husbands. In some cultures, women cannot just leave their husbands because they will be ostracized by the community. Filing for a divorce or a legal separation is also against the law of some religions. Some are financially dependent upon the spouse that they cannot just leave for fear of losing the kind of life that they are into in spite of the violence and unhappy married life. I was once stupid enough to allow my spouse to use me as a doormat but I woke up in time that I can face the challenges of life with my kids. I am just fortunate for having my own lucrative job and I was able to get out in time. It just isn't that easy to get out of such kind of relationship for it needs a lot of confidence and self respect including the strength of mind to face all challenges.

My mother always treated my father like a doormat in some cases so I can't really say I've ever experienced it. i would never tolerate that kind of treatment from a man, either. This is something that women allow themselves to be treated and it's up to them to get out while they can. I hate it when people of any race, religion, color, sexuality or gender treats others badly. It just takes the quality out of your life.

One of some possible reason why a woman can stay marry to the person who abuse them is because they depend on him financially. Most abusers don't let their wife get out of house. Therefore, the woman won't leave them no matter how bad he abuses her.

In many cultures it's normal the woman is a doormat.. she is owned by her husband, given away by the parents or abandoned by the family. It also has to do with the way you are raised. Plus the way you are married. If marriage is planned or a way to escape from ... (home?)it won't be an equal marriage at all. If you don't have the same background/education the relationship will be not equal either. If you always feel lonesome or have low self esteem (because always someone told you you are no good) you are longing for someone who does love you or at least is kind to you. So if that happens you are willing to do and accept everyting from a man. You will always find excuses why he is scolding at you, why you are not good enough (which you already know since you heard that for your whole life), why he is beating you up (his right he owns you, is your husband, you made a mistake, he is drunk, sick, etc). Men who treat their wifes like doormats are in reality men with no self esteem at all. They are afraid and need to show off, they are mostly the ones who nobody respects at work or who never made it in real life (and no chance on promotion) or they are very dominate (by dominating someone else they feel like a king). They want it all their way, never see anything as their fault (typcal for men). And like all men they beat up or damage something that is not theirs. Women are different (most of them) they always seem to think they did something wrong, so they punish themselves instead of others. They are great in finding excuses which don't exist. Only if they start living their own life, they open up their mouth and shout and beat up back this will stop. But society will not allow that because men and women are not equal and we live in a men's world. This besides of the fact nobody want a woman/wife with an own opinion for real.

Unfortunately, alot of women stay with their abusers because they do not have much self confidence or they have been brainwashed into believing that they wouldn't be able to survive without their abuser's help. This is one of the reason's that woman need to ban together and join support groups. In an environment where you share mutual traits, one can get support from others that understand you and you, as a person, can get stronger.