What are your feelings on your child going out of state?
By Dominique25
@Dominique25 (9464)
United States
April 3, 2012 2:39pm CST
Here is a little more information about my situation. I love my mom very much but she can be very difficult. For me things are just so simple. We have arranged for her to watch my daughter while I surprise my husband with a weekend getaway trip. She knows that I will be spending a lot of money for this trip. Things are already in the making. She just recently told me that she plans to take my daughter to another state (to stay the weekend with other family). I told her that I do not want my daughter going. That I prefer it if they stay at her house. Which was the plan. My extended family all really have issues and I don't care for my daughter to be around them with me let alone without me. Now she is basically saying that she will not watch her if she can't take her out of town. And she is ownly saying this to spite me. Because we discussed these plans six months in advance of the weekend trip. This makes a huge problem for my plan. My mom for some reason doesn't respect other people's feelings on matters. As her mother I can say that I don't want her going out of town. It just seems that it would be a simple thing to respect a parents wishes. I would listen to my daughter about the way she wanted to raise her children.My daughter is use to being at her grandmothers house and it's already going to be a little difficult with her staying away from us for a few nights. So I think it would be even harder on her to be surrounded by a whole bunch of people she's not use to, at a place she's not use to, without her parents. I know that my husband would not want her to go at all, but I can't mention anything to him because I don't want to ruin the surprise I'm trying to plan. Have you ever been in this type of situation? What would you do?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@s3rrohman (8)
•
5 Apr 12
As parents sometimes we really want to please people we love, be it the husband or our children. But sometimes they can not understand our feelings, it helps you issue be discussed with your husband because after a family there must be mutual communication.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
25 May 12
Yeah I agree with you. It's important that we communicate well with our family. I'm hoping that I have made my point and that things are better understood. Thanks so much for your response. I hope you are enjoying your time at mylot.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
4 Apr 12
After reading through this, I think you should just go ahead with plan B and have your husbands grandmother take her. Even IF your mom says she changed her mind and will stay home with your daughter, would you really trust it at this point? Once you are gone, she could just go on her little trip and there would be nothing you could do to stop it at that point.
My mother was like that too. She didn't pull this exact same thing but she did get very overbearing at times and go against me when it came to my oldest daughter. She watched her for me while I worked and felt she had the right to do whatever she wanted even when she KNEW it would go against what I wanted for her. When she was 4, she cut her hair and gave her a perm! Her hair was just growing out and she knew I wanted to let it grow and that I was very against putting chemicals in her hair. That's just one in many examples.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
4 Apr 12
Yeah you completely understand the problems that my mom has caused. I would be highly upset if my mom permed my daughters hair at the age of 4. And yes using those chemicals on adults is dangerous let alone a four year old child. To me it's amazing how my mom gets upset when I don't want her to do something with my child. It's like I don't see how you can get upset about how someone wants to raise their child especially if it is for their benefit. Her actions annoy me a great deal. I'm hoping that i will be able to do plan b.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
5 Apr 12
That is nice that she apologized to you about her actions. Yeah that would have been a good idea to write a book about that. But it shows that she was sincerely sorry for her actions towards you as a parent. Glad that you were able to be ok with getting rid of your journals about those times in our life. Sometimes when we have a good idea and know it can go well it's hard to let it go. Thanks again for sharing your experience with me. It really helps to know that I'm not the only person who has had a difficult mom when it comes to raising your child/ren. It's just sad to me to see that my mom in actuality is being selfish. Because she knows that my daughter does so much better with her than anyone else. And yet she is putting me in a hard situation. Her other grandmother is more than willing to keep her but I know that the whole experience would be awful for all of them. Because my daughter would literally cry the whole way. But I will keep trying to think of a way to make this work.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
4 Apr 12
I think your mother is trying to force your hand. She wants to be able to take your daughter to visit these people and so she has found a way to push this on you.
Is there someone else you would feel comfortable leaving your daughter with? Maybe your husband's parents? I wouldn't let my parents take my son to go visit other relatives, and I like my other relatives. It just would be too much for a kid unless they were used to going on trips with other people.
If my parents weren't willing to stay home the weekend, I would ask my cousin to take my son for an overnight. Or I could ask my husband's sister to come stay at our house.
Does your daughter have a friend with whom she's had sleepovers? Maybe she could stay at a friend's house and you could host the friend a different weekend.
At this point, I would assume that even if your mom said she'd stay home, she'd just wait until you were gone and take your daughter anyway.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
4 Apr 12
If your husband's grandmother can watch your daughter that might be the best solution. It's too bad your mom is trying to push this on you but you have to do what will be the best for your daughter. I hope your daughter can adjust and enjoy the time - separation anxiety is hard.
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
4 Apr 12
Not nice feeling and feels upset if my child is going in out state. Because now the world people is not good nobody knows what will happen in next moment so I want my child is always stay in front of my eyes. But for study scarify is necessary so I will talk daily on phone with my child. But give the permission for going.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
4 Apr 12
I would only let my kids behind with someone I trust. IN this case these are my eldest daughters or a friend. If they offer to take care of them when I am on a trip they can do it their way. I would appreciate it if they tell me if they would travel with them (in my case abroad since we don't have states and my country is not that big). If I would not like that I would stay home or take my kids with me. No matter if it costs me a lot of time and money for the trip I wanted to make.
If you have doubts then stay home or take your daughter with you. You should ask yourself what is more importatnt to you: your trip or your daughter or your feelings.
It's your mother's right to refuse to babysit your daughter if she wants to travel and you don't allow her to take your daughter with her. You could look for an other babysitter as well.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
4 Apr 12
Yeah in this case my feelings is what will have to stand. Either my mother will change her mind or something else will work out. But she's not taking my daughter out of town. So I will more than likely have my husband's grandmother watch her. She is more than willing. And for this type of trip my daughter is too young to go with us. She just wants to travel at that time because she knows I disagree with her taking my daughter. She is being difficult which unfortunately she does often. Money is already in play so the trip will be working. I'm not wasting my money because my mother isn't keeping the deal that she agreed to.
