Realized that some expressions can be taken really wrong.

What did you actually try to imply when you say that? I'd interpret that as telling me that it's not something too complicated to do. I can understand why people took it as being told that they are dumb for not understanding something that is simple. Still, realizing what you did and doing something to mend that is quite commendable.

Context is everything. In most situations "it's not brain surgery" would make me feel as if the person was trying to say I was stupid. However if they were commenting on something specific, that didn't so much deal with me then I'd take it in the latter context. I am sure they will forgive you, after all it's hard to see facial expressions over the internet and we are all bad at misinterpreting.

You are not in the wrong here, but this just shows how communication online goes sometimes. It is good to apologize if we realize someone is hurt. . . not because you meant to be hurtful, but you are sorry that it hurt, anyway. In addition to not being able to hear tone of voice or see faces or read other meanings, if we are having a bad time in our life anyway, we may be more sensitive. There is a saying somewhere about not knowing what burden someone is carrying that day.

I'm sorry this has resulted in something bad for you Hatley. I would have taken it the same way though. Anyone who said that to me I would have thought was calling me dumb. Or sometimes people say it in a self-depracating way which is totally different. Maybe that is what you meant.

Hatley, that was your opinion and you're entitled to it. So many people are actively looking for ways to be offended these days that if you say good morning to them they file a lawsuit. I've had people say that to me and worse. I don't take offense because they have a right to say anything they want and I was the one that made statements that inspired them to say such things. In a couple of cases it was well deserved because I wrote in haste or without all the facts. In many cases I deserve to be called dumb but I'm not. When people imply I'm dumb or say other hurtful things I either consider the source or accept it as the price of being part of the faceless internet where no one can hear voice inflections or read your face. Don't cry and don't feel bad! It's just part of internet life and that person evidently has not taken the time to truly know the kind of person you are or they never would have assumed you meant they were stupid.

Hi Hatley, I don't know what conversation you are referring to, but if you said that it did not offend me one bit. Like the one respondent said, some people are just looking for a reason to be upset. Discussions always involve different opinions to some degree, or we would not have discussions. You expressed something that maybe wasn't correct and you stepped up and apologized, and that's all you can do. That's a difficulty with words on pages; words cannot convey emotion too well. One can use "strong words" but you can't see the emotion on the writers face, nor can you gauge their temperament at the time.

I can see why it could be taken that way. Generally speaking the term means that the thing to be accomplished isn't that hard, but some people use it to mean that the task it so simple even a dumb person could do it. When I say it I generally mean that the person isn't doing the task for some other reason than it is hard but lying to themselves that they aren't doing it because it is. I suspect that this person isn't doing whatever for that reason, and taking insult because they KNOW its true. Nothing upsets a person more than to be caught lying, especially to themselves...

Hatley, I do know how you feel about feeling bad about hurting others and especially when you totally did not mean to. This really hits home for me because last night on a different forum...a local one. People were remembering things about growing up in this town. Someone mentioned something about a place that triggered a very vivid memory that I had shared with my friend in that place. We were about 16 and at the time it was not funny at all but one of those things that I look back on and giggle over. Well it didn't take her but a few minutes to see it and I got a couple of fairly harsh e-mails. I felt horrible. We just looked at the same incident differently. While I thought it was funny, she said it was a memory she just soon forget and was quite upset that I posted it publicly. Luckily I was able to get it removed and I don't think too many if any saw it. I am still feeling bad though.

Oh no, I'm sorry Hatley, that you lost a friend..:( I think I remember that post, though I can't recall if I replied, but it was more than likely that I had nothing to say rather than being offended. But I also don't think you meant it that way either, so this friend took it wrong, which is easy to do online..

As usual I didn't know any of this was going on. I hope you got it all straightened out. I would not think you would ever say anything to anyone to hurt them. But that is just my opinion of who you are. Again, I hope this all gets straightened out.

Hiya Hatley, I was reading what dragon said and I have to agree with her. I have not seen your discussion about that and I would not have taken one bit of notice. Life is way too short for silly things don´t you think. Like dragon I have been called much far worse things than that in personal life (grin) so what am I going to think of something on the Internet? In fact I had not heard of this expression or its meaning well now I know if I hear it around. Don´t worry so I will try to read that discussion afterwards Hats if I can and I have to get off here yet again. I just do not have the time for me on here why don´t I go on strike.xxx

Hi Friend:When we hurt someones feelings unintentionally, all we can do is apologize and hope the other person accepts it in good faith. Knowing you for quite awhile now,i'm sure you weren't calling anyone dumb or stupid,but i do understand how the comment may have been taken the wrong way as some people are overly sensitive and it may take time for them to realize just what you meant by the comment. it takes a big person to apologize in an open forum as you have done so,try to let it go and please don't shed anymore tears over this.

I have no idea why you had a guilty conscience about that word.Even though I am not sure if "Its not brain surgery" means what one is doing isn't the most difficult thing in the world,but I don't know why some understood it to mean that "they are dumb or stupid".

Hi Hatley, Honestly, whenever I hear that particular statement I roll my eyes. Of course something other than brain surgery is not brain surgery, that's like saying something is not rocket science. I never take offense to something like that, but then again, in the past years it's gotten pretty hard to offend me. I always get a little curious as to why people get so offended by that statement. After reading your response as to what you were talking about, I'm kind of side eying the person who got so offended they defriended you...sensitive much? It was just a misunderstanding, and really I personally don't see you having any reason to apologize for a statement that people say all the time and doesn't really mean anything. If someone took that as meaning you were thinking they were stupid or dumb, that's on them.

there is a big misunderstanding here. if a friend tell you something like that and you treat that person a real friend then you should not react badly. take in as an adult. now if you did not get it then dont react too much. now hatley if she unfriend you then it is not your lost, it is her lost. i know you feel bad and a person who is as good and as gentle as you will really feel bad when a person you treat as a friend did this to you. hugs my dear... smile... there are a lot of people here who is worthy of your friendship.

I have to admit that I would generally tend to take it as saying someone is either not very bright or not thinking, although there are also contexts where I would see it your way. But unless it was said in the context of a heated disagreement I would hope I am secure enough in myself to either reconsider what I was saying, or just shrug it off. So although it was clearly a misunderstanding, your "friend" was probably at least half to blame by reacting so badly. Lash

A sarcasm font needs to be created for some situations, I just wanted to say I wasn't part of that decussion, but depending on my mood, like if I were feeling down at that moment it would have upset me. Because I have always taken that comment "it's not brain surgery" to be demeaning, like you feel the person is making it out harder then it has to be, sometimes things dont come as fast or as clearly to others. You know that though, it is very big of you to "publicly" apologize to the people/person.

Dearest Hatley sorry for the late reply with all the commuting to and from work..... please dont worry about this. As we come from different countries sometimes there is a difference in expressions too and you are such a great and good hearted person that I cant understand how anyone could have taken serious offense to what you said. huuuuuuuuugs to you (lots of them for sure)

Dearest Hatley sorry for the late reply with all the commuting to and from work..... please dont worry about this. As we come from different countries sometimes there is a difference in expressions too and you are such a great and good hearted person that I cant understand how anyone could have taken serious offense to what you said. huuuuuuuuugs to you (lots of them for sure)

Hatley, sometimes I think we take this more to heart and hurt more over it than the person we may have offended because we care so much. I hope she will see you apology and let you know that there are no remaining hard feelings. I hate to see you grieving over this so much, though I understand why you are. Hugs to you.