How to deal with my boyfriend's ex girl friend???
By zaskasahagun
@zaskasahagun (346)
Philippines
April 6, 2012 11:40pm CST
I hate my bf's ex girlfriend. she just annoys our relationship. she always wants to contact my boyfriend, telling him to give her another chance. its as if she is not respecting me as her ex's present girlfriend. it really irritates me. i dont know what she wants from us, cant she just leave us alone. ive tried talking to her, and i guess we were already settled, we agreed that she would leave us alone because me and my boyfriend gets so annoyed of her drama thing. but here she is, doing the same things over and over again, like she wants my boyfriend back. what to do??
18 responses
@shenlynn7823 (641)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
yeah,it is very annoying and irritating..and you said you did your part by talking to her and she agreed to it but it seems she still tried to get your bf back...and you mentioned that your boyfriend getting annoyed too...well here's the thing,talk to your bf and then tell him directly ...that he needs to directly tell her on her face to stop it because she doesn't have chance anymore but you have to make sure that when he does that...you are with him so that next time she did something again....she will felt so ashamed of herself...hope this helps..good luck & God bless
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@shenlynn7823 (641)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
aha..well the thing is ..you said your bf is somewhat annoyed too...it's not a matter of friendship anymore,if both of you are annoyed,if your bf valued their friendship then he should talk to her directly,it won't affect the friendship actually or forgive me for saying this but maybe your bf still has feelings for her & he doesn't want to face her directly as he doesn't wanna see her hurt and he is just using this friendship thing as an excuse...it's your call...
@zaskasahagun (346)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
yes ive tried talking about this with my boyfriend, i want her ex girlfriend to be ashamed of what she is doing. but unfortunately, my boyfriend couldnt just tell her right in front of her face that she is bothering us, because they are good friends. and my boyfriend fears that their friendship might be stained. this adds to another frustration in my part. :( :(
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@Tamosree1993 (1525)
• India
7 Apr 12
Hello friend,
I think you should talk to your bf. If the matter also irrited him them you talk to your bf's ex gf.
Have a nice day.
@zaskasahagun (346)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
we've tried talking to her, and i thought we were already settled. but after a couple of months, there she is,. trying to get back with my boyfriends. it's so irritating,.
@shenlynn7823 (641)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
if that's the case...let her be....she will stop on her own once she realized you are not affected. and if she really insist....don't delete her messages and the call logs & threaten her that you can use all those to file a complain to the police that she is harassing you both..so that they can give a TRO( temporary restraining order) to her
@mindym (978)
• United States
7 Apr 12
The ex girlfriend needs to move on with her life. Her EX is now with you and she can't stand it, so since she cannot get over him and move on with her life, she is trying to make your life miserable. It sounds like she is trying to irritate you to the point you will break up with your boyfriend. I would just be the bigger more mature person and don't let her know that she is annoying you. She knows she is getting under your skin, so as hard as it may sound, just try to ignore her and hopefully she will go away. Good Luck!
@babirini (5)
• United States
7 Apr 12
you did your part by talking to her in a civilized manner. all of you sit down and talk again together and set let her know that he is not interested in her no more . let it be clear to her that he has moved on and if that doesnt work change your numbers if possible move in other wards start off fresh and let mutual friends know not to give her your new info.. and if she keeps bugging than just ignore her and kill her with kindness eventually she will get over it and let you both be
@zaskasahagun (346)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
thank you so much for this! really appreciate your insight. it calmed me down.
@shwetat195 (628)
• India
7 Apr 12
you can never change the world... remember this....i would suggest you need to be just more patient dealing her. going through the discussion, i think this EX is trying to deliberately annoy you, so there is scene created and then things might get changed for her benefit. Tell your BF before hand about this to be prepared upfront and enjoy life.
@zaskasahagun (346)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
this is what i was also thinking. maybe she just wants to create a scene for her benefit. hmm thanks for your idea! helped me honestly to calm down :)
@Extourmed (191)
• Bulgaria
13 Apr 12
Well, set a boundary with consequences attached such as:"You are free to do as you wish. However, I just want you to know that this behavior hurts me and makes me feel insecure. In fact this behavior makes me feel disrespected, and devalued.Like I said, you're free to do as you wish. However, if this continues I'm going to need to take steps to protect myself. That means that parts of me may no longer be available to you." The key things to stress are:
1) You have freedom - I'm not trying to control you or tell you what to do.
2) You have responsibility - even though you're free to do as you wish you also are responsible for the consequences of your decisions.
3) I TOO have responsibility - I am responsible for my feelings not you.
4) I TOO have freedom - I will decide what I put in or take out of this relationship.Set a boundary. I hope I was helpful. Good Luck
@soulist (2985)
• United States
11 Apr 12
I was in the same situation when i started dating my boyfriend. His ex girlfriend was texting him all the time and calling him over and over again. She kept telling him she wanted him back and all this stuff. I actually let him deal with her he eventually blocked her form Facebook and things to get her to understand he was done with her and was with me.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
8 Apr 12
i think we must remember that everyone had a past story
maybe before you get her too, you had a old girl friend too
right??
is it sin if she ever had a past story?? of course not
is it sin if you had a past story too?? of course not
but it is sin if both of you still talk about your past story when you spend your time with your current couple
it makes both of you get hurt..
so talk to her from heart to heart..
maybe she understand..
or just ask her, if she choose ex her boyfriend, leave you..
but you must be ready too
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
8 Apr 12
Better your boyfriend should directly tell her that he and that gal's love is end and right now he won't care anything related with that gal any more...Make sure that your boyfriend wont do any thing that gives a hope of love for that gal. It is clear that the gal still keep a hope that your boy friend will be back to her one day so that she always tries to contact with with your boyfriend. Frankly,I really don't want to meet the gal "crazy" like that. In here, your boy friend is mainly a person who do stop his ex-girl friend bothering. Let your boyfriend solve it.
@toxic_lifestyle (1213)
• Philippines
8 Apr 12
I think you should discuss this to your boyfriend and tell him that you don't like what his ex girlfriend doing so that he will be the one who will handle the issue. :)
@pacobid (71)
• China
8 Apr 12
Well this situation is very common.I think the first thing you have to do is finding out the reason why they break up.Does the girl still love your boyfriend ?In addition,you had better go and talk to her.You shall tell her that he is my boyfriend now.I hope you will not do it again.If the girl continue to harrase you,I advise you to move.
Or you could help she find a new boyfriend so that she will not do it again.
@thuglove1722 (343)
• United States
11 Apr 12
have you changed your numbers or have you tryed to put a restraining order if she keeps buging when both of you tell her to leave you alone?
@GemmaR (8517)
•
7 Apr 12
I think that you just have to talk to your boyfriend about her and explain how she's making you feel. If he doesn't want her back then he needs to tell her this and should inform her that she needs to back away from him and let the pair of you live your own lives. Have some sorrow for her as well though, as it really is horrible for us to be in love with somebody who just isn't interested in us, so she will be having a hard time of it and probably doesn't realise just how badly her current behaviour is affecting the pair of you.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
7 Apr 12
The answer is, do not date a guy with an ex girlfriend.
There is nothing you can do about an ex-girlfriend, except avoid guys that have a ex-girlfriends. And I'm not joking either.
When I consider dating a girl, one of the first things I want to know, is if she has any problem boyfriends in her past. If she does, then I will not date her. She has to deal with that problem first, before I'll date her.
Why? Because of exactly what you are experiencing now. Some girl who wants to patch things up with her boyfriend.
And there is NOTHING you can do about it. You can't say anything to her, because to her you are the evil girl trying to steal away her boyfriend.
So only he can deal with this. And if he doesn't, then you are just miserable.
So I just wouldn't date him. Tell him to clean up his past, if he wants to date you. You are not going to deal with his unfinished business.
This should also teach you just how important it is to be very very careful in who you date. You can spend years trying to fix a problem you allowed into your life, dating one mistake.
@surfer222 (1714)
• Indonesia
7 Apr 12
Maybe you should bring a single male friend whenever your bf's ex-gf is around, maybe somehow your male friend would draw attention to his ex-gf, or ask your bf to bring his single male friend that he think would be a good match for his ex-gf.
@mariab2000 (740)
• Canada
7 Apr 12
I think it is up to your boyfriend to stop her from doing all this. If your bf is getting irritated by this also then he needs to talk to his ex-girlfriend and tell her to stopt trying to interfere in your relationship and leave you both alone...
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