Inviting Yourself
By MoonGypsy
@MoonGypsy (4606)
United States
April 8, 2012 8:46pm CST
the way i grew up, you waited to be invited to someone's house. you don't take it upon yourself to just drop by, obviously. another thing you don't' do is ask someone can you come hang out over there house all the time. we have some friends that don't like where they live and want to hang out over our house all the time. they never want to meet up and go anywhere, they just want to hang out over our house.
the other day, i got a facebook message from one of them asking if they can come over. i was like, "no, you can't come over". so,i told them that we want to hang out but not at our house. we never heard back from them. i asked my boyfriend if he thought is was normal for friends to just invite themeselves over (all the time). i don't mean once in a while, all the time. he said he thinks it's normal. i say it depends on the friendship and the boundaries that the friendship has. i agree with that. these friends, however understand our boundaries. they KNOW we don't like people over our house.
do you think it's normal to invite yourself over all the time to a friend's house? do you have any friendships that those boundaries don't exsist? do you think there behavior is strange as "friends" who don't want to hang out unless it's at our house?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@leighz (456)
•
9 Apr 12
I think it depends on how long you have known your friends. If you have been friends with them since you were still kids and that your families are acquainted, then it's fine for them to visit you from time to time. I understand how you feel, I personally prefer to hang out somewhere else, for simple reasons like I have to clean up after our mess and I have to spend money for our snacks. In the country where I live in, it's customary to prepare something for your guests and entertain them. I'm not so much of a good hostess, so I'd rather go to the mall and watch a movie with them there.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
9 Apr 12
so would i, that's all i am saying. why does it have to be over at our house all the time? going to the mall is a good idea. we live in a wonderful area. why wouldn't there be anything to do here.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
17 Apr 12
the only problem with your suggestion is that they are not allowed to have company who has kids. so, we can't go over there house unless we have a baby sitter. since all our family has moved away, that has become impossible and they know it.
@cuttyrish (2667)
• United States
18 Apr 12
I agree with your boyfriend, that it's normal, and depends on your friendship with them. Maybe the ones who message you in facebook, think that they share the same kind of friendship with you, they presumed that you are sorta have this "close" friendship, that's why they invite themselves. The next time they message, just be cool and say that how about another place, and that you are getting bored that's it always in your place. But if they keep insisting that it should be at your house despite all that you have said, there is a problem with this. They need to respect you as the owner of the house, and that you just want to maintain your privacy.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
19 Apr 12
thank for the advise, cutty. come to think about it, they are pretty close friends of ours. in fact, they are the only ones. see, we are not social people, my bf and i. he is just a bit more patient. i guess i need to be. they are my friends and i have to give them a chance to change it up.
@megamatt (14291)
• United States
9 Apr 12
I never invite myself over to a place where I might not be wanted. There are just going to be times where people might be busy and many of them do in fact have a life outside of their friends. They might be entertaining family, doing work around the house, or just not feeling up for a visit. It might be normal these days, but it doesn't make it any less rude.
And I'll be honest, if the door bell rings, when someone hasn't bothered to call before they come over, I may or may not be all that inclined to bother to answer the door. If I'm doing something, working on something or just not in the right mindset for visitors. Then again, sense is something that is greatly lacking these days and some people do really not have the ability to think that inviting themselves over might in fact be rude.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
9 Apr 12
exactly! some people force you to be rude to them. i can understand why they would want to put themselves through the embarrassment, or the abuse. it's also about home training, you are right. many of my friend's home training, unfortunately, don't match up to mine. you could tell they are my friends for other reasons. lol.
@olivia52779 (66)
• United States
9 Apr 12
Yes, I know what you mean. It should be common courtesy to only go to someone's house if you are invited or at the very least ask instead of just showing up. If you go to someone's place, you should also make it up to them in some way by inviting them over sometime. Unfortunately not everyone had parents who were good role models when they were growing up and did not learn proper behavior and manners.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
9 Apr 12
it's good to see you know what i mean. i felt like i wasn't being nice. i knew there was something left to be said for home training. no, they won't ever invite us over to there house because they can't have company over where they live. this puts the burden on us to have them over all the time. all they want to do is play video games, and eat. they don't just show up (that's family members lol sigh), but on top of family members just popping up, they want to call and come over all the time. i don't want to see that much of anybody.
