my step daughter

Oh I have been in that same boat as you, step children its takes a lot of time to get them to even trust you..lol It's a nightmare, but with a lot of time and patients you will both find a mutual ground to stand on. My advice is to have a nice friendly chats find out more things she likes, hates, I supose get to know her more then hopefully she will come to you when she needs advice or just a chat other than her dad. 13 is a difficult age also they think they are adult but still do not quite understand how we act as adults...lol Tell your husband from the start that you will tell her off if and when it's needed if he is not there. If he is there let him deal with it. It probably looks like to her that you have just stepped in and trying to take things over. Just keep assuring her that you are there for her when she needs a shoulder to lean on so to speak. I am sure your husband finds it difficult also how he feels to treat your children so he is in the same position as you when you think about it. In time it does get better as long as every knows where they all stand even the children. Good luck :0)

Trying to be a step mother without being viewed as the proverbial wicked step mother can be tough. This causes someone to overlook stuff that they normally wouldn’t even with their own kids. For one to be able to discipline a step child, your spouse has to beat the head of it all and he shouldn’t put in such a way that it sounds like you made the accusation.

Personally maybe the Best thing you need to do is share some of these feelings with your husband and hope there is something he will do to be a little more understanding and try to help. She is 13 and if she is lazy now, it will only lead onto depending on everyone for everything all the time as she gets older, and never expected to do anything for herself. Not a good way to go especially when who knows what Jobs etc. will be like by then. Wishing you the Best.

Young teenagers can be horrendous, step-children or not! you love them to bits but on occasions could happily throttle them! I think you are over the first hurdle in understanding there could be a problem so I'm sure you will work it out.