" You forgot to turn off my toe!" me, " I what?" puzzling puzzling and puzzlin
@Hatley (163776)
Garden Grove, California
April 12, 2012 2:23pm CST
I slept for awhile last night for a change, woke and went to the bathroom. On my way past my roomie Kathy's bed, she said loudly
distinctly" You forgot to turn off my toe." I said 'What?" but
got no response so I assumed she was talking in her sleep.
Sometimes having a roommate with Alzehemier has its humourous
sides like one morning she looked over at me while I was getting
dressed and said" You forgot to turn off the TV last night.: I
looked where she was gazing and saw she thought I had forgot to
turn off my computer.But no I had turned it on an hour before we
were called to get up and it was still awaiting my password.
but the thing is she now at times can be lucid until the final
object in her sentence. Ex. ' You have a brush but I don't have
any mop.'" I feel sad and amused too as she acts as it she has had a stroke and has the thought but cannot g et that final correct word so what she comes out with is confusing, and a little amusing too;. I have to let myself feel amused otherwise I am in a fog of sadness for her as there seems to be nothing the doctors can do;when I first came to room with her she was so bright and up on history then she
started losing it slowly but increasingly. Nobody seems to agree if its Alzheimer or senile dementia. but I am thinking she has had several small strokes. Am I a bad person for letting myself laugh over some of this?your take mylotters. I feel very sad seeing a once intelligent woman getting so confused.
11 people like this
22 responses
@AmbiePam (92719)
• United States
12 Apr 12
Honey, you're not bad. My mom has dementia and says some off the wall stuff and does the weirdest things. And sometimes you have to laugh because if you don't, you'll cry. One time my mom rushed into the living room to tell us someone on the phone was wanting my dad. Well, the phone was in the living room with us, and it hadn't rang. She said I don't know how I know it, but I do. Then turned around and left the room again. My dad and I had to stifle our giggles. Because if you don't develop a sense of humor about it, then you'll drown. So don't feel badly.
4 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Apr 12
thats what i figured and I am more laughing inside or where she
cannot hear me. She had such a neat way of remembering historical events when I first came and now she is so changed.Crying will not
help and asking to be moved to a different room could be much worse. Kathy is kind and has not a mean bone in her body.She cannot help what is happening to her so I must remember that always. I have to
tell her when its time to go down to eat as she forgets an hour after
you tell her.Also changing rooms with a computer and landline phone is expensive. I will stay here as maybe I am meant to be her helper.
I shudder thinking what it would be like if I could not remember the words for something.I have so much to be grateful for, just keeping a clear mind. even if I have a bum knee and shoulder my mind still works well.
4 people like this
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
13 Apr 12
I say stuff all the time in my sleep like that. My husband and cousin pick on me crazy about it. I sleep walk too and last time was sleep cooking. Hubby found me two am cooking liverwurst and talking to my dog we lost 4 years ago..
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi opinionatedlady I have fou nd myself several times lately sleepwalking and dreaming I had to go to the bathroom . when I woke I remembered I had just been to the bathroom but was wandering around the room sound asleep.. wow sleep cooking thats
a new one and your dog who was gone for 4years.
Kathy however is becoming senile or had had a minor stroke as she says the wrong word for something now and asks me questions that make no sense.She was going on "What are their names? I asked her
Who" what are who's names?" She responded"well you must know some of the names?" then finally she said" I need to ask a question at the front desk so what is one of their names?" I told her yara is on the phones so you can ask her.Poor kathy she w ent down and started to ask Yara only she forgot what she wanted to ask.She came back all upset. I told her as I have before,"write it down and take the paper with you, Kathy."
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Sep 12
hi opinionatedlady yes its still ha rd to watch bu t she seems to have slowed down and at times is morelucid but they sa yhis often happens but it doesn't mean anything,.
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
16 Apr 12
Oh that is always so hard to watch.
3 people like this
@buenavida (9984)
• Sweden
13 Apr 12
Well, there might be help for your friend. I donĀ“t know if she has Alzheimer only, but there has been a lot of talking abou virgin coconut oil and how people have seen amazing results..
At least the coconut oil is healthy, so no harm done if we take it. I use it every day raw on yogurt etc, to keep my thyroid OK and for avoiding other health problems.. Here is a story about one person who was helped..
http://news1.ghananation.com/latest-news/248657-virgin-coconut-oil-found-to-help-alzheimer%E2%80%99s-disease.html
Just trying to keep my two brain cells working..
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Sep 12
hi ajithlal in two months she is about the same thank goodness for that,
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi buenavida I read that but ha ve not heard of it being used here in the USA.She is given some medication that is s upposed to
help Alzheimer but fro m all I c an see she is also becoming senile
and also acting like she has had a minor stroke, Not remembering the correct word for things for example.I will tell her sister about the coconut oil and see what she thinks. thanks for the info.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160665)
• United States
13 Apr 12
Hatley, it is either laugh or cry. Other people would argue with her, which would have no positive outcome. You are amused, but sympathetic. You could be hateful instead. I know that losing words is a symptom of Alzheimer's type dementia. I think you can follow about the computer/TV, and maybe even a brush and a mop, as in a mop of hair. The toe comment has me puzzled as well.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi GardenGerty yes that one I have no idea on as I think she might have been dreaming. I had turned off her fan as it was really getting cold in our room. She might have been talking about that b
but I do not know. I had to laugh inside as it was the oddest remark to make at three thirty in the morning when it was dark and cold ikn the room. I would never be hateful to her as she is sweet natured and loving at times then she can be a bit spiteful but never has been til just recently. then its over with so it does no good to fight with her over it as I feel unfair.I mean I have a normal mind yet and shes dealing with confusion and gets upset when she cannot remember something. I know how I feel when in the middle of wanting to tell my best friend something the thing completely slipped my mind. a senior moment. now in the middle of the night I remembered what it was but was not going to wake my friend at two am to tell her when she had to get up at five thirty to get breakfast and get on the freeway at seven thirty to be at work at eight thirty.
so it must be much worse for Kathy on the level she is at now.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Apr 12
hi bagarad yes that could be it, oh I had not tho ught of that.I know she said she was really hungry for a change so it could have
been.
@bagarad (14283)
• Paso Robles, California
13 Apr 12
Could she have been trying to say toaster and just didn't finish the last syllable? That would have made sense if she was dreaming.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi ElicBxn nope you sure c an not besides crying has never solved any problems and just makes you feel awful.She sometimes laughs
at her self.She asked me for names yesterday not telling me what she wanted them for but finally I understood she needed to ask someone at the front desk a question.But first she needed the names of the people there.So I supplied her with the names but she come back all
flustered." I forgot what I wanted to ask them." l laughed with her and suggested she write it down when she remembered the next
time. I do think she has had several light strokes which would explain forgetting the names of things at times.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Apr 12
hi I even do that myself spe cially when shopping but what irritates me about myself sometimes I do not read my list then get home and oh monkyfur I forgot the shrimp. I had gone to the close by store to get ingredients for shrimp scampi as I had got the recipe and bought everything I thought but got home an assembled the ingredients and one was missing , the shrimp so back I go to the store just as Traer Joe put up a big sale on large shrimp so that made my day. now there in Gold Crest I can not cook and I do so miss that.
1 person likes this
@jjzone44 (917)
• United States
12 Apr 12
No Hatley, you are not bad at all. As long as you don't laugh at the person in their sight, there is no harm in this. In fact you have to have a little light-heartedness to be able to truly help these people. They have a serious situation, and they require help, but if you let this get to you in a negative way, your capacity for helping will eventually diminish. You have to keep things in perspective, and sometimes making light of a situation, but not changing the way you react to the situation, is definitely warranted.
Think about the times on the news when you see a natural disaster, such as a tornado affect a group of people. Surely you have seen a victim of a tornado refer to it as a "twister" and that it "blew their house to bits". They are not depreciating their dire plight, it's just their way of coping with the fact that they have suffered a great loss, and no matter how you look at it, much work is indeed ahead.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
jjzone I used to work for years as a nurses aide so was friends with other aides, nurses and orderlies. we sometimes told jokes that would horrify others but they were our way of lightening up some truly tense situations like when we were all sad as we were so afraid we were going to lose four year old Billy Sunday. He had been give a sack of peanuts and while he was eating them someone made him laugh and some of the peanut bits went into his lungs. Peanut oil in the lung tissue was very irritating and he was given up as not going to make it after several surgeries to remove the pieces of peanut from his lungs. so our humor was only funny to us. but then they got the last piece of peanuts out of his lungs and he started getting well we all had a group hug and a yell hurrah for Billy, I never laugh at Kathy but i can smile and laugh where she does not hear me.I truly feel for her and hope I can always be a good roommate for her.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Sep 12
oh yes peanut oil in the l ungs cause a kind of pneumona
my that was a long long time a go as I was maybe 24 or s o
now I am 85 but my minds so good yer thank heavens for that
@celticeagle (166976)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Apr 12
Shows how her mind works or doesn't. I think you have to laugh or it would get too sad and be upsetting. It is rather humorous. It is obviously sad and I would not let her see you laughing ofcourse. I wrote an article about living with an alzheimer patient and some of things I learned about it is alarming.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi celticeagle yes it really does. y es I laugh inside but not at her but at the mixed messages she gives me.But turning off her toe is a new one and I have not got a clue to that one., I hadjust turned off her fan as it was so cold in our room that I did not
see any need to cool it off more. I need to do more reading on
Alzheimer disease if I am going to be of any help to her and to
myself too.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (166976)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Apr 12
I think this shows how short circuited her brain is. Here is a interesting article about it:
http://dementia-alzheimers.knoji.com/alzheimers-is-a-type-of-dementia-that-causes/
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
oh dementia and alzhemier can be pretty scary..
i do not think you are a bad person for laughing over her words.. i myself would laugh about it..
i never really knew someone with those disease, my grandparents, luckily grew old till the age of 82 and none of them had those disease. I could remember being with my grandmother on my mother side and she would tell me stories of her when she was young and what happened in the Japanese era.. i love remembering those times with her..i only have one living grandparent now, my grand mother on my father side and i love being with her as much as possible, she is already 76 and is very active still.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi jazel__juan I still know so l ittle about Alzheimer or senile dementia so am doing some reading. She does seem better at times and can actually tell me when its close to time to go down for our meals yet other times she does not remember so I tell her when its time for us to go down. She cannot remember the day of the week, the month or even the year so I remind her almost daily. But its okay as she is otherwise a loving, kind roommate and I will stay with her as there are others who are not loving or kind here that I would never want to room with.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
13 Apr 12
Hi Hatley...
I never consider you as bad or you have owned a bad habit when ever you react that way. I may say it is instinct of human that we laugh when we view something indisciplined. It is better to study her what is wrong with. I dont think that there is no way to recover from such issue. Better to consult with specialists.
have a nice time.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
dear Hatley,
That's really sad.
I remember my grandma who was confined in bed for months before she finally went away.
It hurts to see her dying slowly- like a flower with petals falling one by one-drifting away with the wind :(
Oh...it gives me pain... :(
Have a good day ma'm
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
13 Apr 12
No, you're not a bad person Hatley, far from it. You sound compassionate actually and you're not amused in an outwardly mocking way..do you know what I mean? I suppose it's some kind of defence mechanism but I agree that it's sad what has happened to your room-mate, very sad indeed.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi Janey I keep reminding myself how lucky I am to be elderly and stillhave a keen mind.and ha vingit has kept me feeling happy while living in a place I had never ever w anted t o live. I had been happy in our two bedroom aptl but once myson lost his job and the economy dropped in the toilet we were evicted, homeless and had to find some way for us to live. finally my son suggested I had to come here as I could not take that living on the street life of homeless people.luckily my social security and ssi checks do cover the monthly cost of being here and leaves me with a small amount of money for personal things. hence I love my mylot earnings.
I tried to suggest to Kathy's sister that they get her a used laptop and we teach her basics so she could play games and listen to the classical music she loves. but they did not think she
would be up to it.yet Kathy keeps bemoaning she does not have a computer but am not sure just what her thinking is as she talks like I g ot this free also my collection of beanie babies she thought were free. I told her that I prob ably had spent as much as 200 pr 300 dollars on them back when I was working. So I do not know how much she really understands at all.
2 people like this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16763)
• China
13 Apr 12
You have nothing to blame yourself for .You are kind at heart and felt sympathy for her.In real life,anything unexpected may happen.She was once so bright and up,now she even cann't express herself clearly.I reckon that occurred as a consequence of stroke.The stroke and senile dementia are terrible diseases.Over here,Some old people who suffer from senile dementia even can't recognize their family members or can't find their way home,if they go out.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Sep 12
hi chang yes she does change so much but the diease as yet c annot be stopped so I am trying to really use my own mind as much as I
can as its been proven those who are active mentally in old age willnot get Alzhemier or go senile either.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Sep 12
hi chang catching u p on resonses on my older discussions and its really kind of fun,. Katy had not changed much which i am s so glad of bu t she can get grouchy too., lol
@changjiangzhibin89 (16763)
• China
13 Sep 12
Hope her conditions will be stable and respond to treatment.I guess her getting grouchy is one of the symptoms of her disease.
1 person likes this
@telmesh (1793)
•
13 Apr 12
Hi Hatley unfortunately Alzheimers is no respector of intelligence and is dementia with a cardio vascular component, which simply means that the blood flow through the brain is not good. This can happen to anybody and when my father was first sectioned in hospital with the complaint there was a doctor and a air crash investigator as well as a trash-man there with the same complaint.
It is sad to see a loved one or friend slowly lose their self to this terrible complaint and yes in the early stages can be amusing as well.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hio telmesh . I wish that medical science wo uld devote more research on this terrible disease as it hurts not just the pateint but all his or her loved ones and friends. I remember how keen
Kathy was when I first came here to room with her. She loved to read and was a history buff., The facts she reeled off I checked on the net and she was always correc t. now she does not read nor come play bingo but naps all day like one juse waiting out her time to
die. I hate this, seeing her changed so m uch, knowing how she was
'before. I do thank G od for sparing me that. I can take my diabetes as I control it b ut to lose my mind and my mental abilities would just kill me. I am very grateful but wish Kathy
could be really helped. I do think that her last little fall was
a mini stroke as she now has a time finding the right word. She comes up with amusing sentences and I smile instead but cannot
laugh at her." But you forgot to turn off my toe" thats one for the
books,that one I have no idea what she was trying to say.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Sep 12
hi telmesh I had had a fall but it was not a stroke but damned ca rless n ess on someones part,.coffee spilled ojn brown
polished tile and I did not see it til I was falling face down h hard broke mynose some bones in my face and i twised my rightg knee badly. 20 da ys in rehab hospital and a lot of physical therapyu and learning to u se the damn ed walker,. I hate t he thing bu t it helps me,.
@telmesh (1793)
•
14 Apr 12
I know what you mean about mini strokes leading to falls. I remember when dad was lucid and took a fall and was unable to raise himself off the floor. Mum phoned me to go round and help, lucky I lived close, he could speak quite well and said just get him to his feet and he would manage. He was right, he had just forgotten how to get up, and moved around quite easily when he was up. What a dammed awful decease.
1 person likes this
@jvincent_129 (4994)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
In my opinion, there has to be a balance between IQ and EQ. EQ is emotional intelligence and you have to witty at the same time emotionally witty. Maybe the reason that she was like this,its because she was too intelligent. Being too intelligent can also harm and maybe this affected his thinking as she got older.
3 people like this
@stringer321 (5644)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
13 Apr 12
It sounds alittle suspicius to me.
It is well known that if you train your brain with reading , playing board games , like chess ... the brain can handle memory illness better. If forgetting something , the brain can find it's way how to recall what he forgot.
Do you have any article that says about being too intelligence can make a problem later ?
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Apr 12
hijvincent and stringer I have heard that theory but have not seen any real evidence to support it. interesting maybe we all three
should do some searching on the net and find out more about it.
I am not saying you are wrong at all as I just really do not know. I have an IG of 140 but thats not super intelligent at all. I have worked on my emotional quotient and am much more mellow now.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
14 Apr 12
Sorry to hear about your roommate, and it can be hard sometimes to watch someone go downhill when their health seems to always deteriorate. I know where my husband works since he works for a Retirement home, there are several times he sees people he has known there for yrs. who's Health declines like this, and they have had to move over to the Health Center or Alzheimer unit and it can be sad. So often things happen that people have no control of, but just try to enjoy the moments you two can still have fun, and try to be of help when you can.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Apr 12
hi tina yes thats the key to just enjoy the times we can
have fun and help whenever I can. I am so thankfull that
God spared me losing my mental faculties so I should be
able to help Kathie and to laugh together at the funny
things that happened. Her sister does come to see her
every week and she does not seem to see how much Kathy
is changing bu t living with her I can see it. The sad
thing is there does not seem to be any w ay to stop the
progression of this disease.but a little humor sure does
help me a lot,.lol
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Apr 12
it is so sad to see a person go through that. its one of my biggest fears as i worry its hereditary. my great grandma when i was just 10 yrs or there about, had that. If i had been older and knew more as i do now id have been outraged at how they passed her from family member to family member because she was so hard to deal with, anyway, she was quite the sweet lady and i remember being so sad at times for her. yet sometimes would laugh to. once my grandma and mom went out when we were visiting there and told me to watch her that she didnt go outside. sure enough, being a kid i forgot for a few minutes and she was walking down the side walk. she said she was visiting those neighbors over there, pointing up the street, but i knew she didnt know those people nor any of us knew them. as i was trying to talk her back home by saying they werent home now, my mom pulled into the drive and walked up the street where we was and got her to come back. i was pretty scared i was in trouble but for once mom was easy on me.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi bunnybon that would be tough being a little kid and having a grandmother like that. I am so glad my mind has been spared as I
can take arthritis pain any day over forgetting the names of things.
we had a class here called mental fitness which was to help a lot og those who have had strokes, its actually a co urse in thinking outside the box, making new alternatives to the old answers to some problems. but those who really needed it never took the class. I really loved it as t stretched your mind and made you really come up with new ways of looking at things. "Then the class was dropped. old people and people with strokes were way down on the list of needed to have classes so we lucked out.but like I told our instructor all my life I have done crossword puzzles and jigsaw puzzles, read all sorts of things and played a lot of games to stretch ones mind and thinking.So many here do nothing all day but couch potato on the sofas watching endless replays of old reruns.
I tried to get Kathy to go with me to those classes but she had had back surgery and her back was still bothering her so she would not go.but she can playh bingo and while she is playing it she is really sharp. so there is some hope for her if someone could work with her. I do what I can but she needs someone trained in her problems with medical knowledge.
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Apr 12
I have always thought that we lauugh as a way of coping - not being unkind. Kathy may well have had a few strokes and no one noticed ..p Do notbe feelnguilty if what she says makes you smile. You are just coping with this regrettable sadness that you deal with on a daily basis. You are a wonderfulnlady and not bad at all. Many blessings Hatley
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi cynthiann hope you are feeling better and have that surgery soon.my prayers will go out to you each day along with many others I am sure. thanks for the kind words. I feel so sad knowing Kathy has c hanged so much and even more lately. So I smile and wonder
what it was that I really forgot to do. Oh my gosh I thought someone was driving a freight train through here but its a pounding rain,its been ugly grey all day but now its just pouring cats, dogs, pitchforks what hav e you. the minute I told Kathy to
look how hard its raining the rain almost stopped. Guess that
came close to a cloudburst.But it was predicted though.April is not the month here we usually get showers but this past months its not been anywhere near usual weather here.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Sometimes if we don't laugh..we cry. Life is not pretty sometimes and it is a shame that these things happen to people. I think that she wouldn't want people to be in a fog of sadness. My grandfather went through a period of not being able to find the right word. It wasn't that illness though.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
1 May 12
hi jenintn yes thats it, its better to lau gh then give in to
tears. she sometimes laughs with me so that is good,. I feel so'sorry for her as she was a bright woman when I first moved 'in with her now she has gone down hill.
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
13 Apr 12
Hello, Hatley!
There is nothing bad in seeing the fun side of things. Actually that is a healthy practice in coping up with your surroundings. That seems to be what I lack too. Instead of being sad for her or get yourself confused, it's better to just see the positive angle of your situation, that way you won't be depressed. I hope she'll be fine and you're doing better. Have a nice day and Happy MyLotting!
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 12
hi sinful rose yes really I must not get depressed as this
situation is not going to go away so I must laugh at the
humorous parts while coping with being the
go to person for her every day.I know I must be alert and
be thinking for us both each day and most of the time I
am happy to do it.she is a sweet kind person in spite
her disease and I try to return only kindness to her.
but at times I forget and snap then apologize as she now
does not know half the times what she really said or even
meant.
1 person likes this
@corrycrystal (1775)
• Malaysia
15 Apr 12
Hi, Hatley. I think it does not sum up that you're a bad person as to your reactions to her. You are getting used to the situation and it can be really depressing if we let ourselves into it. The positive energy may help her to feel things like normal and ease the confusions of what she believes she sees although it confuses us as well hehe. I imagine this is gonna happen if I am at your place as I only experienced it one time with an uncle. We shook hands and within seconds he wanted to shake hands again with smiles all over his face as if I was just arrived and not only to me, but everybody. I didn't actually know what to do coz at that time I had no idea about his serious illness, in fact I got confused as if it was the strangest thing happen to me. Now, when I read your post, I think I would react better if I am used to this kind of situations and you understand it better on how to make things bright. Thanks.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
1 May 12
hi corrycrystal sometimes you need a sense of humor for sure'
or else find yourself feeling really depressed. I like it when
Kathy will laugh with me.I have to remember at times not to get really angry as its her disease talking at times. she has this thing about having to go to bed at 8 pm and I refuse to go to bed til
10 pm so its a bit of contention but I try to be cheerful with
it too.