Trust between friends is as important as trust between lovers.
By Nikhabele
@Nikhabele (166)
South Africa
April 14, 2012 3:05am CST
I had a dispute with my friend some three years ago, and I "divorced" her but it seems she just can't accept it. She betrayed my trust so bad that I lost all the trust and the love I had for her in the three years that we were friends, although in all those years she would do petty things that'd make me question her priority of our relationship. For example, she was the one to come over to me, she'd always have a reason why she can't visit me and it'd be a lame reason like, you stay in town( city) and I stay in the ghetto and I enjoy life in the ghetto because it's laid back and some more lamer reasons that it's actually embarrassing for me to tell you about them because you going to ask me why did I allow her to do that to me.
All the times she came over to my apartment she'd tell me beforehand that she wants this or that, like drinks and snacks and I'd always have them ready and after that I would have to take her back to where she stays, it's about 45minutes drive, just outside the city where I stay. But let me tell you, whenever I visit her which was almost always, I'd also have to foot the bill of drinks and petrol in my car and she'd even tell me that I have money more than her. We were friends because we were working together although I later changed jobs, so how do I have money? She's working too.
Needless to say, three years later she really really betrayed the trust that I built and sealed for all the years we was together, now three years after the end of us she still calls to tell me she misses me. I don't want to be her friend anymore and I'll never be her friend again but my confession is, I loved her dearly, as a friend. I was thinking of her as a sister more than a friend and I still miss her sometimes, but I don't want her anymore.
Is this the case with other people? Do you ever cherish the friendship so seriously that the end of it is more like the end of a love relationship?
2 people like this
7 responses
@celticeagle (168721)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Apr 12
Doesn't sound like this person was a very good friend and was rather demanding. Sad that people have to be like this. She is lucky you did all this for her for as long as you did. You really don't need people like this in your life. If you are consistant and stay away from her I am sure at one point she will go elsewhere. She probably wants to remain friends with you because you were so good to her.
@celticeagle (168721)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Apr 12
I think so. I also think you might want to look into some self-esteem and boundary growth and so you won't let people use you like this again.
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
15 Apr 12
I agree, especially with your last sentence. They only claim to miss me, in reality they miss my services.
I'm better off withou her.
1 person likes this
@GemmaR (8517)
•
15 Apr 12
I agree that you have to be able to trust your friends. If your trust between you and a friend is broken, it's something that is very hard to get back again. Because of this, you have to do everything in your power to make sure that you don't do anything that is wrong to a friend as this might mean that you would never be able to get that trust back again, and it is very important that you do so. I always think that the relationship between a friend is stronger and will always last longer than a relationship with a lover, so you should never choose your lover above your friend.
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
15 Apr 12
Exactly gemmar,,,,but it's scary how most people choose their lover over their friends but I guess it's scarier if they choose lovers over family. I always say, even if this person appears o be the knight in shining amour, possibilities of him losing his shine are higher but family is forever.
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
15 Apr 12
I understand you Amanda, I also do miss her sometimes. When the songs that we used to like play I think of her, but I just don't want to be friends with her again. And it's not like I'm forcing myself, this feeling is just there.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
15 Apr 12
I have a lot of friends that are true friends.The funny thing is, since I have not kept friendly with one friend that I have learned is a back stabber, I have gained lots of proper friends.I will say that it is worse to lose the love of your life than any friend.I think that there are lots of people that get up set over a friendship that has ended, but I am a lucky person to have noticed who are my true friends.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
14 Apr 12
Equal relationships do not exist. There is always one person stronger the other is weaker, one is the leader the other one is following, one is giving the other more taking, one is giving in, the other seldom is. It doesn't matter if this is in a partner-relationship or between friends. Seems human being picks out the opposite or what he/she needs most. So ask yourself why you once like(d) that person, decided to be friends. You always accepted her behavior even if you felt annoyed about it. As soon as you start accepting it, are giving in, you show that person it's fine with you. No matter if you complain later on. You always been that way, in the end you do as she asks you and you swallow her lame excuses.
If you are not willing to do that anymore be strong, tell her straight away and stop this relationship and go on with your life. I hope you learned your lesson and will find some better friends. People who are willing to invest in you as well, since they exist too.
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
15 Apr 12
Well that just so said I guess. Especially if you happen to be the giver and not the receiver, I mean as much as you show them that you love and care for them, you also need to be made to feel special. But as far as I've observed, they all are only able to show that much needed love after the end of the affair.
@Extourmed (191)
• Bulgaria
14 Apr 12
Well, ending a relationship with your best friend could be even worse then ending it with your love. I had been betrayed by my best friend too. It was about two years ago and like you, I always do a lot of things for her, emotionally and financially. I'm a guy and she's a girl, but that doesn't change anything we were always only friends. Until one day she betrayal me. I was feeling awful, but there was nothing I could do. After a while she started to call me and like your friend, said she's missing me, but I am adamant. I didn't want her for a friend anymore. And now two years later, we're saying hi to each other and that's all. Almost like strangers. There was a few time that we talk, but we talk like nothing happened between us. I don't regret loosing her friendship and I'm glad I didn't forgive her. You should do whatever is good for you. Wish you all the best!
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
14 Apr 12
Hi Extourmed,,,,,,I'm glad I'm not the only one cause it makes me normal. I also don't regret forgiving her and I always think, so that means for all these years I was a friend while she was a snake.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
14 Apr 12
I believe that trust is just as important in a friendship as it is in a love relationship. I do think of my friends that I am the closest to as being a part of my family.
I've been betrayed by some people that I was friends with and now they are not a part of my life at all. There have been others that I've lost some trust with and they are able to regain my trust.
However, at the point that there is no trust that exists, that is when no kind of a relationship is possible.
