Maternity Leave Is Nearly Finished...Insert Horrific Music Here!

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I think there are two types of mothers out there. Type A who has been going stir crazy for the year they were on maternity leave, counting the days until they get to go back to work and get some time out of the house...and type B who dread the day they have to go back to work, feeling like their job is now to be home with their baby, raising them and taking care of them. I am currently falling into the type B category. With only days left until I have to go back to work I find myself feeling anxious and worried. Not because I think my child doesn't have adequate care set up, or because I feel I will be in tears to leave him, afraid to miss any moments (granted that part is sad but thankfully it will be Daddy taking care of him so I have the added benefit of emailed photos of all of the cute things he does!) It's more the feeling of failing. I think I have always known that when I had a child I would want nothing more than to be a stay at home Mom. Almost as if it was engrained in me from day one. Now that I am a Mom and facing the fact that I have to go back to work for financial reasons, I somehow feel as though I have failed my child. That I will be doing the wrong job. However, even feeling that way, I'm not sure I would prefer to be the type A Mom either. I'm not really sure that there is truly a type C - the happy medium. I read an article not all that long ago regarding this "should I go back/should I not go back" situation and it seems that for the Moms who are wanting to stay at home with their kids, that it seems to be a feeling they can't control. Every one of the women interviewed for the article had said that the thought of going back to work instead of staying home to raise their children felt utterly wrong, but questioned whether or not family, friends and society would think poorly of them for voicing their wishes. In our economy these days I find very few couples, let alone family's who can survive off of one income. Which forces a lot of these women with such strong needs to be there for their family to do the one thing they desperately don't want to do. Go back to work... Some have managed it though. Cutting down household costs, finding the best deals and scrimping and saving wherever they can as well as getting crafty and learning the world online blogs and shops like Etsy to make a few extra dollars here and there to help out. This is how the stay at home Mom's of today are doing it. Seems simple enough right? Well I've been thinking about this for the past year and now with only days left...the clock is ticking...time is running out...I haven't figured it out yet. At least not in a substantial enough way to make sure that my contribution is enough to get our family by. Thank goodness for a supportive husband ;)