Get married through agency...should or should not
By ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
Vietnam
April 16, 2012 9:49pm CST
Yesterday, one gal told me that, she wanna get married with a foreigner through agency.
I told her that should not, she has to think carefully because it is not easy to live with marriage life when she doesn't know any language except her mother tongue, she hasn't never gone abroad yet, she haven't known well about a future husband, just meet 1~2 times and then that man will go back his country, she has to do documents, visa and go to the husband house later, the difference of culture, lifestyle,etc...
However, she hopes that she can have a little money to send to her parents in countryside every month, she may have better life than her current life, don't need to work hard more...many reasons she gave me. Then she told that she will find the agency that could help her to find a husband soon.
How is your opinion about this problem, mylotters?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
i haven't heard of an agency that does that but for people to be going their for that is a little crazy hehe but it won't be impossible for to strangers to be falling in love with each other right? i just hope it works for them and the result is good 
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
18 Apr 12
yeah i get it now, it really sounds interesting 
well it's like arranged marriage, where the couple falls in love with each other too after being married and having a family.
well it's like arranged marriage, where the couple falls in love with each other too after being married and having a family.@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
18 Apr 12
No, it is different with an arranged marriage. In an arranged marriage, parents of both side know each others, they talk with each other and then organize the weeding for theirs children. In here, only a man coming, pays money for the agency to meet a gal, if he agrees to get married with that gal, they will have a wedding then that man will go back his country soon. The gal and the gal's parent has no chance to meet her future family before married.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
18 Apr 12
Agency, actually just a person who are between girls and men who wanna find a wife abroad. Of course when going to the weeding they haven't been in love yet, just meeting for 1 or 2 times and then the man will be back his country and send documents allow his wife going to his country too. It is what i know about married through agency.
I really don't know exactly....but I think some cases, they will have the love after living together and have kids, but some cases may not...
Me too, i pray for them to get a good life after married...
@netrod (182)
• United States
17 Apr 12
Im not sure where I stand on this issue... There are good points for both sides of the coin... I guess if both parties are totally honest about who they really are and what they are hoping for out of this relationship and if there is some amount of initial attraction... Then I can see where it could be a great idea... But if its strictly for the money and if the attraction is purely one sided it cant help but end in failure... Just my initial thoughts here, mind you...
@netrod (182)
• United States
18 Apr 12
The only caution I would suggest is for your friend to find out what is the reason the Man wants to marry in such a way... I have read stories about this and have seen a few movies with this in it as well and there are some perfectly good reasons for a man to be attracted to this means of finding a wife... But there are a few bad reasons as well and she should have someone find out what are his motives for finding a bride in this manner...
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
18 Apr 12
yes, you are right, if after married, they care each other, willing to have a happiness together, then they may have a happy life even though there are different cultures, lifestyle, etc. but their marriage life will be failed if if its strictly for the money from 1 side.
Actually this problem is very complicated, it totally depends on the way they do live together...
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
18 Apr 12
If it were me i wouldn't do it. I couldn't marry someone just because of money. I consider marriage as something that is eternal unless something inevitable goes wrong. Marriage must have love for me and not just for convenience. I don't even buy the idea of arranged marriage so i'm really against marriage for money.
But it's her choice. AT the end of the day, it's her life that she's going to change. She's thinking of her parents and she just wants to be a good daughter. If that helps her then I hope that she finds joy in this kind of marriage.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
18 Apr 12
Like you, I wont do it. I can imagine many problems, unfortunate things coming in the marriage life later.
I still hope she would change her mind. She still have a good life with a local man in here, don't need to get married with a foreigner man through agency.
@thewonderboy (7501)
• India
4 May 12
I think that such relations do not exist for a long time because both of them are coming from different region and different cultures. So both of them have different likes and different dislikes and the chances for becoming a true relations is very less.
Getting married through agency is not bad but those people buy a lot of profit. I think it is better to go to marriage sites bharat matrimony. In my family most of them had found a good perfect match for my cousin. Hope it will help you.
@thewonderboy (7501)
• India
4 May 12
I think so. I said this as an example. Search for a site like this to your country. you will get it.
@coolnithinkrrr (72)
• India
7 May 12
Oh man.I think your friend shouldrecheck the decision to marry a foreigner through an agency.As you said,it will have a lot of problems.First of all the difference in culture and life style.Then she will get lesser chance to know and understand the partner and also other problems related to visa and all.I think she should think wise.It is her life.If something bad happens it will spoil her entire life.
Let her takea wise decision.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
8 May 12
I hope she thinks back and make another decision. it is not easy for marriage life when just meet in a short time before do marry and then she has to move to the husband's place for living.
A rainbow family is nice but if both are in love and get married because of the love not through agency. however, many girls still have the same thinking as that gal and they wanna adventure to get married with a foreigner through agency.
@coolnithinkrrr (72)
• India
9 May 12
Their immaturity can spoil their life.I wish no girls will do that
@swing_out_sister (28)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
well, marrying someone through agency i think is a convenient thing if you want to get married immediately. maybe she has bad luck with men before that's why she preferred getting married that way. i've known friends of friend who married through agency and they are doing fine. love is another thing. don't be offended but i guess this option is more likely on women who have had a ghastly experience with their previous relationships or desperate and just wanted to get their families out from financial constraints.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
17 Apr 12
Of course we should not offended women who wanna get married through agency. Each person has a right to decide their life, married by their own way. I respect them, of course, just we care in here is getting married through agency is good or not good for these women, any situation may come to them,...
Even with a gal who told me, if she already decided, even with any reason i told her that should not, so dangerous, then she still does.
@swing_out_sister (28)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
well, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not.depending on your luck actually. i guess we should just wish her well
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
17 Apr 12
Sometimes, we need not worry so much as the problems is not ours. Since your friend is so insist to get marry sooner, then let her go. She will go back to your country if she find herself not happy.
@dianmelydia (2269)
• Indonesia
17 Apr 12
I think it depends on that gal needs for marry. If she is really want to get married soon without any objection about who will her husband so perhaps that's her decision with all risk her takes. However, i think married people agreed if there's some risk on marriages which some people perhaps must take. If we want to marry with foreigner so that's mean we must ready to go overseas and perhaps there's no chance to comeback to our own country. Life is about a choice. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
18 Apr 12
I remember i met a woman who married with a foreigner through agency in an embassy that i got my study visa. She can speak only her mother tongue, even her husband name, she cant read. She met her husband total 3 times, the first time for meeting, the second time to meet her family and the third time in the weeding. I asked her, if like that how she and her husband can understand each other, she just smiled in shyness. I think she may have a very hard life if her husband is not really a good husband.
However, you are right, life is about a choice...I could wish she will have a good marriage life only
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
This is happening here in my country too.
Many girls are going through this kind of marriage - mail bride as they called.
Some are lucky and some are not.
You are right, it's not easy to live with someone who has different culture and values- not to mention there is no love in between.
Thu these times dating is a fad- I can say it is much better than going to an agency and ask someone to fixed a marriage.
While on dating sites- you will get to know a bit of the person you are going to choose.
It's hard to judge people who do such things,as they have valid reason for doing so.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
17 Apr 12
I think it doesn't matter how you meet. There will be a reason why she decided to marry that way. Which probably is to have a better life as she has now. I think if she goes for that she will be motivated as well to get used to a new life and be able to learn a new language.
If you always stay where you are nothing will change. Many people speak more as just one language because they need it or see the need to learn it.
If she is willing to do so why not give it a chance? Via an agency is not worser as getting married with someone your parents pick out for you or force you to get married to with.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
18 Apr 12
Ya, she can learn her husband language, but it takes a time. She and her husband don't know each other for a while, just in a very very short time before, going to married. it is also a problem.
In here, normally parents don't force their children to get married with. Then she still have many choices.
However, i have to agree with you that "If you always stay where you are nothing will change". And if we see another side of the problem, we may thing it is not really serious. She goes and she still has 50% to get a good life that may better than her current life....^^
@takthitima (5)
•
17 Apr 12
Marrying someone through agency shouldn't be a problem as long as LOVE AND UNDERSTAANDING is there, but when 'money' is the drive, one might just expect themself to be more of a 'worker' than a 'lover' or a wife. I am in no position to judge, but hoping some people can stop thinking 'foreingners' can definitely be a solution to their problem. Because foreigner or not, we are all human neings and no one is higher than others considering life itself. I hope people get into things with more dignity and respect to themself. It might not guarantee that you get rich and comfortable quick, but it sure allow you to live with yourself proudly knowing that you live life with integrity.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
17 Apr 12
If meeting through agency and then both sides are being in love and going to married, it is nice because married is coming by the love. But somehow, most cases when related with agency, they don't spend much time for being in love first, they go to the wedding directly and then the man goes back his country and the woman will go follow her husband later.
And you are right, it might not guarantee that woman get rich and comfortable quick but they still do...and i know that many girls will still do it.
