Want to live my Life..love it all to the fullest till the last sand of my Life

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I am getting married in June to a guy whom i like..not love!!!!! When i was a teen i always dreamed of Love..Love marriage and stuff.Stepping in the phase of youth when immaturity stands high..I had a childhood friend who liked me...with time started having special feelings for me..he proposed me but as a girl of toooo high virtues as i was always told that Love is non sense ..I simply said No to him.When he left ..i missed him..n then i said yes...but when distances r too big..love with no enough germinated period often fades...n it faded..! Then i met a guy after 6 months of having single time..he was simply eeew!!!..but with time i started liking him..i guess it was not love as i never missed him..we use to hangout,eat..watch movies..n a formal relation broke after few months...Today i stand on a full maturity phase ..my marriage is all fixed..no looking back kind of situation..But why i don't get that feeling which i should get...!!!Sometimes when i think about my past times i still miss that feeling which i use to get..i miss it all...may be it was love...