None of my business and yet it is..

I think you should keep to plan A, sell the house and split the earnings. Then take your half and set up the kids and yourself.I wouldn't be surprised if ex loses his money , especially if you were the one who made sure the checkbook was balanced. So just make sure the kids have money coming from you and move on!

I thought the kids were going to stay with you. He can just keep on working instead of retiring, or his sainted mother can help him out. It is fair if you suggest to him to consult a financial adviser before taking such a step.

So many "what ifs" that may never happen. What he does is no longer your business. You are not responsible for anything he wants to do. What will be will be. By the time things start to go wrong, and who says they will, the kids will be grown up. He might inherit some money, win some....whatever! Just think about yourself for a change. Take his money, set yourself up so you have some security in case things go wrong for you. Cut the ties.

In my state, if you have been married to him all the time he was putting money in his retirement, you are entitled to 1/2 of his retirement as of today's value at the time of the divorce. So.... having said that, would he still have enough money to buy you out after paying you half? But perhaps that is already a mute point. Good luck with the sale, but remember, he has to agree to the terms of sale too.

She has a good idea there. The ex is really making a stand over keeping the house. I wonder why? Why does this place mean so much to him? Just doesn't want to deal with the fess and so forth or what? But the issues your friend brought up are valid. Is the ex thinking about this? Obviously not. He is like a kid. He gets an idea in his head and just has to have it happen no matter what. With little thought to the future or his loved ones.

I read in a response here that there was supposed to be an offer, I don't know what happened there but... I think I'd agree with your friend. Although you shouldn't care, or be surprised if the ex gets in a financial trouble in the future, but it does affect your kids. He would still have responsibilities to your kids, and it would greatly be affected if he is financially 'incapable'.

I think she makes some valid points.

Gosh this is a good question. No idea. He could take out a 401k loan, but depending on how much he has in there and how long til retirment for him to repay it. But if he takes an early w/o he could face some big penatlties taxwise. And w/o knowing his financials it's hard to say if that would be wise for him. Plus, depending on who has custody that could force kids to change schools or inconvienced getting them there everyday. IDK I hope it will all work out for ya!

Well I think she may be on to something. From what I know of what you've said of his work place... and his just stupidity... You may be saving yourself and your kids the heartache later when he does fall flat on his assets) financially. I know the real thing is how you're going to get the house sold in this economic market.

Hey dawny~ I agree, don't take the money! Sell the house to anyone else- a stranger. Split the money or whatever the agreement is and be done with him! No strings for you, no guilt for you or the kids down the road! R is looking for any way to "hold on" and create friction and drama. Get him gone!!!

Get an offer on paper then chose. I take it you didn't get part of his retirement in the settlement.

Well, there is no point in expecting money from someone who is penniless, is there?

She does have a point, it could definitely affect your children in the future if they are living with him, but what are the chances of them moving in with your ex. Is it a good possiblity or will they be living with you. If they're living with you minus well take the money, you have earned it with all those years of putting up with him.

I think you should let him buy you out of the house. This is business of settling a divorce. Maybe you both just sell the house and split the money.

Hi Dawn, I agree with you friend, you have to safe guard your children and yourselve for the future, he can do whatever he wants with his retirement money but please stay put, the house is your children's security. Tamara

I think that you should stick to the original plan but then I am also looking deeper as to his reasoning. Perhaps he hopes to entice the children to stay with him permanently? Sorry - I have witnessed a lot of things like that happening. Sell the house and split the money. He obviously cannot afford to carry the mortgage, look after the children and save for retirement. Don't let him bully you or persuade you to do something different. Hope the offer is going to be good.

While there is a good possibility that your friend is right that your ex taking money out of his retirement may make it very difficult for him to ever be able to have a retirement. The fact is that the house is half yours as it is right now and if he does want to keep the house, then it is his decision of what to do with his money. Yes, you could choose to not take his money, but that wouldn't really be the right decision because then it makes you look bad in a certain sense. I suppose this is one of those no-win situations.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I think your friend has some valid points . . . and it's possible it could affect the kids - moreso in the long run. (Side note: different situation, but it's happening with my hubby's parents and "kids". The parents have made many poor financial decisions including not planning for their retirement - and here they are about to lose it ALL . . . and guess who has to deal with it). Putting ourselves in his shoes, why is he so stuck in keeping this house? Is he thinking it'd be cheaper to buy you out? Is he thinking it would be less of a hassle? Hmmmmmmmm. As in your other discussion(s), this may be him not thinking things out . . . again. Well, I'd hear him out. Would he really give you a fair amount of money . . . see what he has to offer anyway just to humor him. But yah, see how that house offer goes - at least you are smart to look at all the options for what its worth to make that final decision!

It depends if you can take it legally then go for it but if you take it wrongfully then don't.

It actually would affect the kids and just as she said, I would not accept that money from him. How is he going to account for his expenses for the period of time he still needs to care for THEIR needs before each is over 18 and taking care of themselves? The fact that he "has" the money because he wants to use the retirement is absolutely a really dumb move on his part. He has been doing nothing but coming up with idea after idea to see if he can break you even though it's over. He knows you are the one who is banking more than he is. It is your business because if his "idea" falls apart and he blows the money, how is he going to handle real emergencies that will come up in the future for the kids? Really dumb.