What could he be thinking?-relationship(?) advice
By doroffee
@doroffee (4222)
Hungary
April 21, 2012 3:57pm CST
OK, this is going to be a bit long, but I guess every detail is important (if not, sorry for wasting your time). Everyone's answer is welcome, but I'd happy if some guys/men answered, too or people who really know how men think.
I'm 22 and have never had a boyfriend, so I'm kind of going through the teenage route now, overanalyzing stuff happening to me relationship-wise. I've always been shy and reserved and I have a low self-esteem, too, that could be a reason for it.
But anyways. I have a blog, a make-up blog. There was a frequent commenter on it, who actually didn't really care about the topic (because he is a man :D) and he said I liked my writing style, and we found out that we had a lot in common (because I had some remarks about other things to... so music styles, theatre, TV shows we watch etc.). And one day, in the comment section under a post where I had a pic on, he wrote that he was actually a coursemate of me in a theatre seminar at the university. I do who he is, because we were like 12 in that group. In that seminar, none of us coursemates socialized with each other, because we were running from and to other classes and stuff, so I didn't really know anything about him (or the others, either), we didn't really talk and become friends.
And I guess 2 days ago he sent me a mail (I have a mail address on my blog) inviting me to the theatre with two free tickets. I kind of have the feeling that he wants something more, and to be honest, I wouldn't mind that, because he's really nice and sweet and intelligent. I just don't know whether I should get my hopes up, because it may be just him being super sweet for inviting me. But at the same time, we don't really KNOW each other in person, he could have chosen anyone else he knows better, and then he chooses me. I've already asked a (girl) friend, and she thinks he might have the hots for me, but I'd really like to ask a boy's opinion, too... if it could be a date or not, according to them,
1 person likes this
8 responses
@Kojigirl (188)
•
21 Apr 12
I'm going to be the old woman answering this, because you seem like a nice girl. First of all, he must like you or he wouldn't make the effort. Remember that. All the worrying about what he thinks of you is not the most urgent, the real question is what will you think of him?
By all means, go to the theatre and see how it goes. Try to meet up first for a coffee or something before the curtain so you can have a chat. He may very well have the hots for you, and you might end up having the hots for him. But I'm an old cow with a bit of experience, and there have been a few times in my distant past (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) when I was well excited, only to find the guy so damned boring that I had to prop my eyes open to make small talk.
A word of advice I once heard another old lady pass down to a younger generation: if he isn't interesting at dinner, he's much less interesting at breakfast.
Think about it.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
21 Apr 12
Thank you very much. I'm going to the theatre-if for nothing else, a good theatre play is worth it. I actually have heard him talk in the seminars, so it's not like I'm going to meet him for the first time knowing nothing about him, I just don't know him that well :).
@kimmysay113087 (171)
• Philippines
21 Apr 12
Hats off to you Kojigirl. You got it right. I agree that you have to meet up first and have a bite or anything like that just to get to know him really well. I'm pretty sure we all want to hang out with a guy that we're most comfortable with. I also think he likes you. A guy wouldn't do anything for a girl if it doesn't mean anything. Go and have fun to the theatre. Get to know the person more but never forget your limitations. Hope this helps. God bless.
@Latina84pr (4)
•
22 Apr 12
I really think he has some feelings for u, go out with him so u can get to know each other better. And it is a date for sure.
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
22 Apr 12
Hello doroffee as far a I knew (from your profile) we have different traditions and values in life. In our country it is not proper to a certain woman who accept a date (theater) or meet a man whom she never meet it yet. It is not proper to a woman in our country to initiate moves in order to meet certain guy. It is true because that customs and traditions were being broke down by our new generation youngsters today and the result? Some of them were being kidnap;being robbed; being gang-raped and killed. These heinous crimes are rampant on our country because there were women who just taken for granted all the advises given from our government authorities and their own parents themselves.
In your country I don't know if you're particular on this but what I heard you are liberated countries. I mean, all of your women are liberated after passing the 18 years of age.
In your case, I should say, know the guy first before you go into theater dating. For me being a man, what would I think of a woman without meeting me yet would go on theater date with me? Sorry to tell you if you got offended; for me I would think that this kind of girl must be a "game girl" and "easy girl". Well, if it doesn't matter to you then go on..and wish you good luck with your man...
Mobhomeir here
042212 1348
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
23 Apr 12
Oh im sorry I guess I was just too sleepy to read your discussion..yes..safer place is the best choice on your part...thanks and again am so sorry...i apologize..
Mobhomeir here
042312 0844
Mobhomeir here
042312 0844@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
22 Apr 12
I think I wrote it even in the comments and the starting discussion that I HAVE MET him in person, because we went to the same seminat at the university (in our country seminars consist of 10-20 people and the teacher), maybe it wasn't clear enough. We even talked a few words. It's just that we don't know know each other that well. Of course if I didn't know him or haven't seen him at all, I wouldn't have accepted a theatre date, but would have offered him a safer place (like a fast food restaurant I know well and is busier).
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Personally I think it could be in your Best interest to say Yes, if you have not already, and go with him and see how things progress from there. He has gotten to know you some from your Blog and feels he can relate with you, and maybe he does really like you and want to get to know you better. Sounds like a Good thing worth trying, and overall it could work out for the Best.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
30 Apr 12
wait a sec, i say go for it. it IS a date. guys now a days don't waste time. if they are not interested in you, then it's a no go. they wouldn't ask you out on a date. would you ask someone out on a date that you didn't like. no, it's not human nature. he has nothing to gain by asking you out. i say, go for it and have fun but be safe.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
30 Apr 12
Thank you... especially as you actually answered my question really, you gave your opinion about what the guy could feel. It wasn't really a question for me to go, but that if I should work up my expectations and my enthusiasm that much and high, because I'm kind afraid of "falling down" if you know what I mean. But I'm hopeful :).
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
22 Apr 12
What is he thinking? I’m not sure. I guess we have to get to know him eh. Well you do not me! You said you have identified low esteem and shyness in your self and you are reserved. My thoughts are so what is wrong with being reserved? Be you. Now you are not so shy to write about this, which is something as some people are so shy to be not able to which is really shy. Sounds like you are going to accept the invite since you seem to like the guy so far. Yeah why not explore it. If it was me I would try not to analyze things to much or worry about anything but just enjoy the moments. All of them. A date is a time in a place from what I hear.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
22 Apr 12
I know everyone is different, but I was just interested in what others say about this, if there's a chance for him just to be nice enough to offer me a ticket because he knows I like theatre, or he's really into me a bit. And about shyness... it's a bit easier to be open in the internet. Socially, I can be a bit insecure and nervous, you know, and it takes a bit for me to be relieved and relaxed in a community... that was what I was meaning as being reserved. I'm trying to enjoy the moments :). Thanks.
@Daisy_22 (1229)
• Philippines
17 Jul 12
Well I just want to give my comment eventhough I'm a girl.I guess the best thing you should do is try to ask him what is really your status.Ask him if he is courting you so that in the future no misunderstandings that would happen and no expectations that leads to false hope and pains.Based on experience, boys doing that has really something for you but they don't realized that easily. It is difficult for them to admit but I know he likes you!Believe me.......
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
22 Apr 12
Hello there, since you don't have any experience on dealing with a relationship, I would like to contribute my thoughts towards this.
First of all, you don't have to worry much on this as this is just the beginning of a relationship. But one thing is certain that he fancies you, otherwise he would invite other girls out. So if you also like him, you should accept the offer and start from there.
Dating is the chance to let you both know each other better. If possible, have a drink somewhere before going to the theatre. For the first date, it is wise not to stay too late and had better let your best friend or relatives know where you are going just in case.
After the first date, you will know if you like him or would like to carry on going out with him. In another words, without going out with him, you wouldn't know about him. All the best on your date!
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
22 Apr 12
Thank you for the advice and the nice words! Actually the having something to drink/eat advice is a good one, so I'd mention it to him. My best friend knows every little detail about it (my family I haven't told yet, because it's still not a 100% sure that it is a date, and also, they can be quite nosy, I just don't wanna talk to them about it until I'm not sure about this relationship) already.
@jinky2012 (438)
• Philippines
22 Apr 12
its really hard to start a relationship.Once you fail from the start then you are afraid to love again.You know friend, you have already in the age of getting on to it.you try to go with him.Get to know each other and then find his attitude if you ;like it or not.Just believe if you fall in love you must be ready to everything.To be happy and to be sad because in relationship its not all the time you are happy.You can also experience not good,so you need to be ready.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
22 Apr 12
Thank you for your answer, it is really sensible advice. I'm not a teen anymore and I've heard and read a lot about relationships, so it's not like I'm naive and think that once I'm in a relationship everything is going to be all nice and happy. I think I'm just more excited about this than a girl may age would be because of lack of experience :).
