Why 'pick' a conversation with strangers?
By samson1
@samson1 (738)
Jamaica
April 21, 2012 11:42pm CST
Why do people try to 'pick' a conversation with a complete stranger? What motivates the lonely to be 'adventurous' -at first- to try again to connect with a new/different person in that way; through conversation? Do humans do so because they really want to know about the other person, or just to talk? I really don't know what to think, especially in the case of the elderly?
2 people like this
14 responses
@ladybugr2d2 (575)
• United States
22 Apr 12
I think we start talking to different people for different reasons. I may say some thing to some one because i like there shirt or i could be trying to find some thing. It could also be due to being bored waiting for a bus or train. It could be some many reasons. different things attract us to different people. Weather we think the person is good looking or said some thing interesting enough to catch are attention. I think a lot of things go into it to. like are mood and theirs. what we like and don't like about are self's tends to also be what attracts are interest. People in general look for what they want in them self's in others. A lot of times when we do not like some thing about some one it terns out to be some thing we do not like about our self. The human mind is a wonderful and scary thing. Every one works deferentially. The differences are what makes us so great.
@ladybugr2d2 (575)
• United States
23 Apr 12
Thank you and you are most welcome it's is a great topic with good questions.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
22 Apr 12
Don't know, but I kind of wish I was as brave as them. I'm a complete introvert though and those kind of people are drawn to me for some reason. They must desire to pull me out of my shell.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
23 Apr 12
That is true. I was a very shy person and I think a lot of people picked up on that and that may be why I was constantly getting stopped. I also was the type to invite them into my home to use my phone and offer up a cup of coffee and listen to their story. Sometimes a friend resulted and sometimes I just felt good about knowing I helped someone whom I'll never see again. The hardest for me to deal with was the ones that pegged me and kept bouncing back and just draining. I had to learn to put my foot down and set boundaries.
@much2say (55901)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Apr 12
I used to be very quiet - and I literally didn't know how to talk to people. Social anxiety of some sort? But I "blossomed" after getting a job when I started college . . . I somehow found a comfort zone learning to chit chat with customers. From there, I've "crafted" this making conversation with strangers in everyday life . . . I don't know why I do it - but I know I can do it - no problem. Funny thing is everyone thinks I am this "people person" when in fact I am still a person in a shell!!
With strangers, the interaction is usually short, pleasant and to the point. And then you can walk away with no commitments to this person. I tend not to enjoy long conversations with certain friends because they can go on and on about their problems or other negative things - drives me nuts. So for me, maybe it's an attention span or tolerance issue?
@Kojigirl (188)
•
22 Apr 12
Unless they turn out to be psychotic, technically a stranger is only a friend you haven't met yet. I talk to people all of the time, I don't need to know them to have a nice chat. I've given directions, introduced people to others they would never have dreamed of talking to, and they've become great friends. It's lack of communication that shuts us out of our own societies.
If you never speak to strangers, how do you know your neighbours and how do they know you? I love to meet new people, and while I'm out walking my dogs over the years I have met hundreds. Funny enough, I keep right on meeting them. And people I met ages ago seem to keep showing up in my life in the oddest times and places. Maybe I'm easy to remember, I'm an American in rural England, but I love to meet all sorts of people.
What's wrong with knowing your own society? I like being part of the fabric of my own life.
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
23 Apr 12
Kojigirl, how are you? Perhaps, I should shock you with my analogy of the general approach that you have been using when linking up with strangers (who are technically a friend you have'nt met) You have always been courteous to everyone.., you have made being courteous your 'mantra' for living.!
It was not difficult for you to be courteous, hence meeing people was a pleasurable activity. Continue to spread the news that being courteous 'pays off' in every way!
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
23 Apr 12
If in the real life, i may not start a conversation with strangers. It is dangerous sometime. I have to look at that person and guess he is good or not and if talking, i just ask common questions and talking in a short time.
But in mylot, i can do it...just see any topic that it may be interesting and read and post my discussion. It does not harm, mylotters cant see each others in person when debating then it is easy for us to give out our opinion.
@almond24 (1248)
• Hungary
22 Apr 12
I think many people like that just want to talk because they want to share their thoughts. Maybe they don't have anyone to talk to, or they don't let them tell everything they want. Talking to a total stranger might feel kind of anonym, without being afraid that the other person judges them or makes a gossip about them.
I never start conversations with strangers myself, but I find that especially older people like to talk to me, telling me about their life. Sometimes I have no idea why they share things with me that they would only tell to someone who is very close. I'm not a bad listener, just don't ask me to talk...
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
22 Apr 12
ah.. it is rather different for elderly.. they are more talkative and they tend to talk to people they do not know outside... hehe they sure are like that and i notice that from my mom who is really talkative and i would often tell her not to be so talkative around people she does not know, even those who were waiting in line with her.. often times i feel they are uncomfortable around her... and she still does not notice that.
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
23 Apr 12
Could it be that over the years, the elderly seem to have honed their skills and developed the expertise at conversation? A as a result, the elderly tend to be eager (and steaming) to share their skills at conversing. What are your thoughts on my proposition?
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
22 Apr 12
While establishing rapport with a total stranger one should really be cautious and careful.A casual talk about subjects of lesser importance would be alright while more serious discussions would land you in unforeseen trouble and danger.Thus it would definitely be advisable not to engage in intimate talks which would reveal your identity.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
23 Apr 12
I honestly don't know. I am friendly and will smile and say "hi" to strangers as I pass them while walking and whatnot. I don't stop and engage in a conversation with them as a rule. I am the one that strangers will stop. I don't know what it is but it happens all the time. A stranger will approach me and initally ask a legit question ...usually directions or to borrow a lighter...etc. That, I've discovered is just their proverbial "key". Now they have my attention and within seconds, I'm hearing about their ex wife, other problems. I just go with it/ It used to bother me so much ...why??? I wouldn't do that. It happened so so often that I just accepted that that is my lot in life. It doesn't even faze me anymore. It used to drive me nuts...you have no idea! I've accepted that there are some people that will in fact stop you and just start telling you their personal life story even though they don't know you and there are others like me and many others that will actually stop and listen...and care.
@Linda4ualways (2282)
• United States
22 Apr 12
Sometimes your in a place and it just comes natural to say something even if it is onl hello. or can you hold the elevator door. If your living in a building and ride it with them often. it can be a great way to meet new people.
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
23 Apr 12
Linda4ualways, you raised a powerful point here. Being courteous may 'lay the platform' for having a good conversation with anyone- whether a stranger or friend. in addition, being courteous does not make one friendly with a complete stranger. Why?
The truth is that one would not only have to go beyond being courteous with the stranger, but one would have to engage the stranger in a conversation. The outcome (that is, a conversation) would have to be accomplished after being courteuos to the stranger!
Thanks for your comments.
@ravipors (80)
• India
22 Apr 12
Every person known to you would have been a complete stranger at first.It is a normal human tendency to start a verbal conversation with those near us. I don`t say we should talk to every stranger we meet, we must be cautious too. yet if you don`t jump on to the pool how would you learn to swim. its true now a days we don`t have time for conversation. So elderly people who don`t have many commitments frequently get into a conversation with a stranger. Further life has given them the gift of knowledge and experience so they want to share it with everybody. nothing is wrong in that.
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
23 Apr 12
Hi Ravipors, how are you? It is interesting how you begin your response in the manner that you have. However, I am going to be provocative here.
May I remind you of a few things? First, Not every who one meets another person for the first time is a complete stranger to each other. For example, in order to minimize the pressures associated with meeting persons such as shyness or bashfulness., this is why personal investigative and familiarization activities are accommodated.
Second, having understood your point about everyone having to 'brave the odds' and meet the other party in order to strike up a conversation, in my opinion, i think the rationale forwarded to support your point is flawed. The truth is, not everyone has to jump into a pool in order to learn to swim. The selection of a particular type of entry into the pool does not guarantee that this individual will learn to swim. (Note, I am not being petty ok, I am being provocative).
Third, while the elderly may have already lived (or claim to have lived) most of their productive life on earth, it does not follow that these persons are more willing to speak to strangers because they are more inclined to want to talk!
On another note, I accept the point that one needs to be cautious of being too friendly to strangers at all times. However, what messages are we sending to children when we tell them not to speak to strangers, when we do the contrary- as adults?
@zaskasahagun (346)
• Philippines
22 Apr 12
i think because they are bored or whatever so they try to pick a conversation even when they do not know the person. i also think that usually those people who picks conversation with strangers dont want to really know about the other person, but it's just because that they want to talk or so, or just to kill the time or the boredom perhaps.
@shekinahmia (233)
• Philippines
22 Apr 12
I've tried talking to a total stranger before. It was just to talk to someone, because I was alone. I'd have to be careful with my things though and not leave it to him or her. It was just a spur of the moment.
