I'm guilty for the fact that others expect only the best from me
By pandora22
@pandora22 (868)
Romania
April 29, 2012 1:44pm CST
I was really busy lately and feeling tired,so I had to refuse some projects in school and work because I prefer to not do something if i can't put 100%.
some people were disappointed by the fact that i said no to their projects.
today a friend told me that i am guilty because i am always giving 100% and that is why people around me are used to receive only the best things from me.
she told me that because i always had the best results in school,because i worked in the last years and still achived great grades in univerity,because i brougth many awards to my parents,everyone is now more disappointed when i fail something or i don't manage to give my best.
so this is how the things work?
i should have been a low quality student and daugther so that people would not expect to much from me?
it is better to not give people reasons to expect to much from you so that they would not be disapointed if it happens to you to fail?
i truly think that people should accept that even if you do your best ,you are not perfect.
they should appreciate the good things and accept also your mistakes.
8 responses
@Zer0Stats (1147)
• India
30 Apr 12
You know people tend to live up to expectations.We get out of life just about what we put into it.Our environment becomes a mirror of our spirit,our attitude,and expectations.If we keep a great attitude,we get great results.If we have a fair attitude,we accomplish fair results,and if we have a poor attitude,we accomplish poor results.The world will give you back what you expect,so expect the very best.Don't be defensive or doubtful.Nothing changes unless you do.Before you can do something,you've got to be something.Know that you have worth and value.Show that to the world.
@Zer0Stats (1147)
• India
1 May 12
Yes you're so right.You don't own them anything but if someone pays for the best you then obviously they will expect the best out of you.
Oh Come one...plz understand we all live up to expectations.We(the people) expect the best from the best people.You should feel proud you come in that list.Look life is not easier as it looks.It's the hardest of the hard..
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
you know what actually bothered me the most was not the fact that people expect a lot from me.
the issue was the fact that my friend suggested me to stop beeing who i am so that people will not expect so much.
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
that is the thing that i am doing always my best.if i know that i can't put 100% i rather not get involved.the issue is that the good you are the more unsatisfied people around tend to be.
the best option is to not care what others expect.as long as i dont own them anything i have to be good for me and not for them.
@apoljuice1 (730)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
Sometimes it's not hard to take things like that for granted. Sometimes they have gotten used to the idea that someone is ready to help them, or that you won't fail expectations. But you have to remember that just because you didn't do something good for them, you start dumbing yourself down. That's just one bump that you hit: they do not dictate your success in life. It would also help to remind them that sometime you are also human and can't do everything for everyone. Most important is you do what you really want to do. Do you want to immerse yourself in school and achieve the highest grade? Do you want to take a rest? Are you doing this to secure the future. Your goal is the ultimate reasn for you to continue or not continue. After all you will be doing this for yourself, and for other people's benefit.
@apoljuice1 (730)
• Philippines
1 May 12
Exactly! See? LOL I know it's not a good thing to think about this about most people. Imagine I'm a nursing graduate and in college, my classmates copy off of me in our Anatomy and Physiology class. I think, oh well sure if you must copy then fine. But lets see you tey to figure out the rest of our subjects if you don't recognize what anterior is from posterior, or what distal is from proximal. In the end I do get a sort of payback for the injustice of social pressure. Because for the parts that they can't copy off of me, and they either end up with barely passing marks or they flunk out entirely. Well, Si poopsie ba? Okay lang ba kng 2 tls, Joke lang!
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
the thing is that i am very happy with what i am doing.
all i did was because i liked doing it and not for the others.
so i like to have big grades because to be honest i find it very easy to achieve them.
the thing is that i am tired of the fact that people to who i don't own anything-if i think better they own me a lot-are so critical and they always act like they are perfect-an they are not-and i am to low for their expectations.
i tried to make them understand that i am also human but it seems taht they are blind and also have hearing issues.
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
i have classmates that copy as well.
i used to let them copy from me sometimes but now almost all our exams are oral so they can't copy anymore and their results have droped a lot.
to be honest i am happy because one day they will be a vet and they will kill a pet for the fact that they didn't bothered to study.
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
1 May 12
It can really throw you right in the pressure cooker of life if others expect great things for you. On one hand, you want to do good, but it is hard to live up to the expectations. When you try to consider what is being expected of you from others, then you really start having self doubts really just kicking in a lot of the time and wondering if anything that you do.
I just try and block out the expectations of others. I will do the best I can. Sometimes my best can really lead to some great things. Sometimes my best is just merely not good enough. But it is just a matter of really just rising up to the higher height and getting done what I need to do, to accomplish something that is great. In the only end, you can only put your best foot forward.
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
yes it is a lot of pressure.what i hate is that this kind of atitude from people around can get me easily depressed and i get to wonder about my abilities and capacities.
the good thing is that after i kick myself to get up, i realise that they should not bring me down because it is important that i see the results and not them.
@alberello (4752)
• Italy
29 Apr 12
Sorry, but if you feel a failure, what should I say that I find myself at the age of 37 years, still unemployed, and especially with a totally uncertain future? Surely my problems are much bigger than yours. You look like a girl instead be taken as a model! You almost always obtained good results in the study, though some tests do not complete it, let me tell you patience, everything is remedied!
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
hy there.
this is the problem
i don't feel a failure because i know how much i worked and i know how much i achieved.
my problem is why people around me see it as a failure each time i don't manage to to the best.
can't thay be satisfied with all the things that i have done?
@edsss17 (4394)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
I really know the feeling! I hate it when my parents expects too much from me and I can't do nothing with it.
They may not say it, but its really obvious with their actions. It does hurt, right? Same goes to my school. I was the leader before, and almost everyone rely on me and everything.
Just like what you've said, they should appreciate the good things we've done. For me, even just a little "thank you" and a little care and support will really do and means a lot!
Do I sound bitter here? Oh. I didn't meant to! Just feeling a bit down!
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
i know how you feel.in my case people don't really say anything but is the way they act.
i remember that i participated in anational competition for the univerity and i took the second place.for me it was great since it was national competition and were may competitors from all the country.
in stead of congrats,everyone was asking me who was the first,like you know,beeing second is worse then beeing the last.
@lmw814 (124)
• United States
30 Apr 12
Yes, I think it's better to give people reason not to expect too much out of you. Once they see you can do certain amount of work in a certain amount of time, they will expect it from you all the time then. This has been my experience anyway.
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
yes but the thing is that i like to do many things,and i like to be good because for me is a ntaural thing.i mean i don't make a lot of effort to make things right.
and i don't believe it is a fair thing to make my self lower than i am only to make them happy.
for example this friend of mine she is always mad when i am aciving something and she tells me that is useles to do so many things.
should i stop beeing good so that they could be happy.
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
29 Apr 12
i do not think that what you are implying is a good idea. you become the best of who you are if you perform to the best of your ability. you do not become yourself if you lower your capability only not to disappoint others and satisfy their expectations. it is wiser and advisable to keep true to yourself. whatever expresses yourself, i think it is much more meaningful and helpful for you in the future.
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
hi
i am not thinking to lower my capability.it is just that the way my friend has put the problem really shocked me.
i have been facing all my life the fact that no matter how good i was,family and people were expecting much more.
i don't live my life to make them happy because i have always found it easy to be good in what i am doing because i always try do do only things that i enjoy.
the way my friend talked to me was what really shocked me because she was acusing me and she was simply telling me to not try so hard anymore.
on the other hand i was really thinking what kind of friend she is because in the last months she had many moments like this and she was sometimes angry on me when she was failing in things,becasue her parents tend to compare us.i guess she is not really so friend of mine anymore.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
29 Apr 12
I am also another person who constantly seems to be letting people down because of the fact that everyone seems to want something from me. We have just had an assignment deadline at university which is the most important piece of work, and the number of messages that I have had from people asking me about assignments has been completely unreal. I have had six people asking me to read through their work, when they know that I have had a lot of work to do myself so I haven't had the chance to read everyone's. Some of them have been talking about me behind my back saying that I'm unhelpful and things like that; but I am only one person, and can only do what I have enough hours in the day to do.
@pandora22 (868)
• Romania
1 May 12
i already got over this kind of stuff and even if people will say that i am mean i am not heping everyone anymore.you know why?
because i was always the girl that helped the others even if that meant less time for me
when i had some problems and i needed help from the persons that i was always helping i received a no,i don't have time or they didn't even bothered to answer my calls.
after they refused me they remembered me when they needed help again.
i try to keep away people that remember my phone number only when they need something.
i like to be helpful but i hate to be used.
