Is Your Relationship Equal?
By GemmaR
@GemmaR (8517)
April 30, 2012 10:29am CST
I was thinking a lot over the course of the past couple of weeks about my relationship and about where it was equal or not. The more I think about it, the more I don't think that it is.
He is on government benefits for living, and this means that he is in his apartment all day without having to go to work or anything like that. Even though this is the case, he will always expect me to come home from work and still cook his dinner, which just isn't fair at all in my opinion. I am not happy with it, because I think that he should be doing just as much at home as I have to do at work.
I get up at 6am and have to leave for work by 7am. I will only usually get home at 6pm, at which point this is what I have to do in the house:
-Put a load of washing in.
-Put dinner in the oven.
-Hoover at least two of our rooms.
-Remove washing from maiden and put by the ironing board.
-Wash up dishes from the past 24 hours.
-Get dinner out of the oven and serve it.
-Eat.
-Get washing out of machine and arrange it on the drier.
-Iron clothes that I had washed yesterday.
But by the time I had got everything like that done, it is at least 10pm which means that I have to go to bed again and don't have any time to myself. Although I should be able to have some time to myself at the weekend, I have to change our bedding and clean our bathrooms, along with doing more washing and ironing, so I am just finding that I am doing everything all of the time.
The question that I am asking you is: is your relationship equal? Would your partner support you through life if you were working and they were not? Should you expect them to help out with household chores? It would be very interesting to hear your views about this, and hopefully we should be able to get a good discussion started out of it.
1 person likes this
4 responses
@zeus01 (29)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
relationships in my opinion are never equal,we try to make them equal,but as far as general thing they never are equal,one will end up sacrificing more...
I am currently working right now. There was a time that i wasnt working. I was the one doing chores and was actually picking up to and from the office.
But there are those lazy days that i wouldn't do anything and just lay around.
I would suggest that you talk to him and sort it out.
life was never fair,so will relationships be.
But there is a thing called love as well, that doesn't count mistakes or weigh a value of someone.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
30 Apr 12
I understand that a relationship is about giving and taking, and that it can change depending on what might be happening in each of our lives at that time. However you're right when you say that I should talk to him because I think that there is only so much that I am going to be able to take with it. I have tried talking to him in the past but nothing has been done about it and I don't think he realises that it is as serious as it really is. But I will have to try again and tell him that it is upsetting me, and I will just have to hope that he loves me enough to try and put more of an effort into things.
@zeus01 (29)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
I hope so too,and that everything works out fine for you guys. If I may suggest if you are having a hard time to talk to him, I suggest write a letter,yes its old but still works,whenever my wife and i would like to say something or discuss we write letters to each other. It helps us avoid not only fights and as we know when we are angry we say mean things we don't mean. Also helps us resolve the issue in a light manner. Plus writing makes you think over things that you say as well,
@GemmaR (8517)
•
30 Apr 12
Writing a letter to him is actually a very good idea that I hadn't thought about, thank you. I guess it would be better this way as I would then be able to read through what I said and see if it makes enough sense. If I just spoke it through with him I wouldn't be able to take anything back if I didn't mean what I said. I might try and write down everything that I have to do in an average day, and then compare it to the things that he does and try to get the point across that it just isn't fair that I have to work while he isn't doing anything.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
2 May 12
My husband and I both work, and I think that we have found a good way of sharing the household chores. My husband cooks our meals and does the dishes. I clean the house and do the laundry, iron the clothes etc. I am not that good at cooking and my husband likes to cook, so I think it is great that he cooks our meals. I don't mind doing the rest of the housework. If I worked and my husband didn't work, am I am pretty sure that my husband would be willing to do some of the cleaning, too, but we both work so I think that it is fine that we share the chores the way that we do at the moment.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
27 May 12
This is brilliant that you've managed to find a way that plays to both of your strengths. I would much prefer it if my partner were to cook for me, because I am not the best cook in the world, but I am willing to do it because at the end of the day I have more chance of getting a healthy meal if I cook because I just know that my partner isn't going to bother cooking. I would probably be waiting until 10pm at night for a meal if I chose to wait for him to cook for me, so I actually find it easier just not to bother at all with the complaining, and just do everything in the first place.
@zeus01 (29)
• Philippines
4 May 12
this is a great system you've found there mate! My wife and I also do the same system,but a bit in reverse.
She cooks and does ironing and clean the house. On the other hand I do the laundry ,wash cars and bikes, gardening and some of the heavier housework. Not because that what i like to do but because i dont want my wife to be tired and do heavy task.
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
1 May 12
Well i am married since 1966, my wife is with me always, during the past 44 years of service as Professor, we lived together in different places in the state, she did the cooking always, maid servants were there to do house cleaning, sweeping etc..
On sundays or holidays i helped in cooking lol...
Professor 
Professor
@GemmaR (8517)
•
1 May 12
Being married for such a long time is a fantastic achievement, and I think that you should be very proud that you have managed to remain in your relationship for such a long time with your wife. Although I think things were a little bit different in 1966, because women were expected to do things such as the cleaning and the cooking. It is good to hear that you help with things around the house at the weekends, because my partner doesn't even do this. He will still sit and do nothing for most of the day whether it is the weekend or not!
