Does a person's indecisiveness drive you crazy?
By Dominique25
@Dominique25 (9464)
United States
April 30, 2012 10:57am CST
My husband's indecisiveness drives me crazy. I think it's important to stay and work on a marriage. My husband's way of wanting to live his life is like a life of a single man. He wants to play video games all evening after work, hang out with his brother's literally all day on the weekends playing video games, and go to the gym four times a week for at least an hour and a half each time. Mind you he works full time. So after he does all that ( those things come first for him) he doesn't have time for me and my daughter. So I talked with him the other day about it. I told him he has to make a decision. Either he wants to be single (then fine) or he wants to be a husband and father and contribute to our family, just make a decision. I told him I'm tired of being the only one trying to improve our family life. And that he doesn't even try. Whenever I suggest something like going to the park as a family or for a walk he complains about it. He just wants to stay home playing video games so it's just me and my daughter doing things. His games just consume all of his time. I'm sure tired of being in this situation. I have told him I'm not trying to stop him from having a single life if that's what he wants. I just need him to make a chose. Because I deserve better from him.
4 responses
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
1 May 12
Hi Dominique, you are correct in saying you deserve better. You and your daughter are very low on your husbands list of priorities, and having a best friend in the same situation, it makes me very cross. My friend's hubby is a farmer, so yes , he is busy, but when it comes to the cricket club, the golf club or even his own mother, he seems to be able to find plenty of time for doing jobs for them.
I think you are quite within your rights to ask your husband to make a decision, because it is his family that he's neglecting. I myself enjoy my comptuer game time, but a lot of times I share that with my son, and we play board games as a family, and outings and, well, a guess a lot of stuff that families usually do together. I hope your husband makes a decision one way or another soon, so that you and your daughter know where you stand.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
19 May 12
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I really appreciate it. I too think that I'm only asking what is a reasonable request. I'm not asking for something that would be impossible for him to do. I'm sorry to hear that your friend's husband treats her the same way. My husband has said that he would like us to stay and he wants us to be together. In order for our relationship to be happy and successful he has to spend time with us. Which is how any relationship thrives, by making time for those that we care about. I think that spending time with family and friends is so much more important than sitting in front of a tv and playing video games for hours on end. Time will tell how he does in this regard. But I've told him that I will give him the opportunity to make changes. It's just I know that I deserve better from him and that he can give me and our daughter quality time. When we were first married he never played video games or had any interest in working out. Not that those things are wrong it's just he has no balance with them. We have to have a balance. Spend time with your family first, and then what time is left over can be spent playing video games or working out.
@Jevendiran (778)
• India
30 Apr 12
I think what you've done is very right. Unless you talk to him and sort this out, you can't get out of this problem. You can't go about your life with such a person as your partner. Your attitude is very good... You don't force him to come your way. You just want him to to take one side. That's definitely right!! This is seriously a very irritating behavior.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
19 May 12
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I too think that my expectations are very reasonable. I want him to be happy. And if he doesn't want to have the family life, if he wants a single life then I just want him to tell me and make a decision. I don't want to hold him back and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. So I'm just trying to have a realistic viewpoint of the situation. I want to be happy and I deserve that. If he wants to be with me and make me happy then he should spend time with me and our daughter.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
30 Apr 12
When people can't make a decision it can drive me mad all of the time. Whenever my boyfriend and I go out for a meal, it takes him an awful long time to decide upon what he wants to eat from the menu, and that means that we are often sat there for a long time while he makes up his mind. My Mother is like that when she goes shopping as well. She can walk round and round a shop picking things up not sure whether she would like to buy them or not, and it can take her a very long time to realise that she would like to buy the things.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
20 May 12
Yeah when others take a long time to make a decision it can really get under our skin. Especially if we have to be around them while they are taking a long time to make a choice. I hope that my husband will get better in this regard. And start making decisions.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
1 May 12
You can not get what he is not able to give.
Most men like to be single or at least live that kind of life. they see it as their right. You can fight for your relationship, refuse to give up on it but it won't work if you don't give in or give up or let him be who he is (or thinks he is). Needs are different so accept that or find someone who does appreciate you and wants to live the kind of life/marriage you want. You deserve better, but it's not said you deserve better from him.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
3 May 12
The thing is, he is able to do this. This isn't something that is a drastic change. People do make drastic changes, if individuals can do that I know he is able to make adjustments to his priorities. If he were offered another good paying job on top of the one he has he would choose his added job and money over playing video games and hanging out all the time. In my previous post I mentioned that I told him what I want and expect in a happy and successful relationship and that it is his decision to decide what he wants to do. He says that he wants us to stay together, well then he has to make adjustments. Everything that we want that is worthwhile we have to make sacrifices for. So he's got to adjust his recreational activities in order to keep his family together and happy. There is a a balance with everything we do. He can play his games or hang out with his brothers, friends, etc. But not literally all night long and at all hours of the night. That's just not reasonable. So I do deserve better from him and he is able to do he just has to get started on it.
