Miss My Son

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I cannot see my son till tomorrow. Today this distresses me to no end. He is 4 years old and gives me more love and joy than I ever thought I could receive from such a small package. Today I would give an arm to have my first statement be false. I try to be strong. Here is the funny thing about my son.....he believes in me. And I believe in him. Now this is weird. Times when he's without me I wonder how he feels. Toddlers live in the now. They care not what they experienced a minute ago, they've moved on. I want this, now I want that. It defines their existance to a degree, for now. But I'm there with him, he sees beyond his toddler years and runs to me arms raised when we've been apart. The joy of my presence evident on his cute little face, everytime. I'm in awe at what I have created, love. I dislike my moments of weakness and wish them away. When does it get easier? My brain understands why this had to happened, but will my heart ever get it? For now I want the world to know I dedicate myself to being the best person I can be, and the best father I can be. For now I just need time to grieve.