What do you do with a good friend who has terrible kids?

You made me think of a friend that I had for a little while. I really liked her but her kids were horribly mean to my daughter all the time! I slowly distanced myself from her. Then eventually I completely stopped hanging around her because her kids were out of control. Aside from being mean they would do the same kinds of things, spill things and make a mess and say nothing! Then one day they came into my house without even knocking and went in my fridge without asking! I came out of the bathroom and caught them and told them they were never allowed at my house again. That was that. Their mother had NO control of them at all! I told her and she said she could not find them and now she knows why and she laughed about it! I decided losing a friend was much better than losing my mind, lol. Some people should not be parents and she was one of them. Any kid that enters my home now I immediately tell them the rules. If they do not follow them its time out, if it happens again they will not return. No ones going to disrespect my house and stuff I worked hard for... I know that seems harsh but I cannot stand disrespectful behavior! My children at young ages can and do follow my rules so other children can handle the rules too...

If these are school age children and the mom isn't with you when you have the kids the kids either listen or there are consequences. I would stop taking them in the car, and probably wouldn't let them come to my house unless their mom is with them. If the mom is your friend you should be able to tell her and she'll either fix the problem or you need to distance yourself from the kids. Honestly, if your child doesn't behave like that then you might not want your kid to be around them.

If the person really is a very close friend, you can address it directly. Long-time friends who have been through a lot together can handle that sort of thing. However, if your "good" friend is someone you've known for a short while and hasn't been by your side, or you by hers, though some serious lows, you probably aren't close enough to her to have that conversation. People do get very defensive when it sounds as though you're criticizing their parenting skills--not a big deal if you don't care about keeping the person as a friend, but, otherwise, it means having to tread very carefully. Instead, simply hand her kids paper towels when they spill; try to avoid them having gum while in your car, etc. If they really are too messy, limit the amount of time they spend at your house. Instead, you can arrange play dates out at a park or another place where you and your friend can chat while the kids go off and have fun; that way, she gets to clean up after her own kids, and you're not left feeling like your home and car have just been trashed.

They are not a good friend anymore. I would not want either, their kids ruining my house, or their kids being a horrible influence on my kids. Both of which can happen at the same time. I would rather not be around such kids, or such parents. Find friends who are wise and decent enough to control their kids. Good builds good. You have your kids hang around with other good kids, it will make your job as parent easier. Bad builds bad. Have your kids hang around with horrible kids, and they'll be just like them in no time. "But I don't want to lose a good friend!" Take her out for coffee every other month. Talk over e-mail. But I wouldn't come over to the house, or have them over to yours. It's best for your family. Find other friends to hang with.

Most parents do not take too kindly to criticism of their children. How people raise their children is ultimately up to them but it's too bad that the kids have to pay the price, especially later on in life. No one likes a kid who has no respect for other peoples wishes, property, rights, whatever. They like adults with no respect even less. And that's what it all boils down to is respect. Even if they have not been taught how they should behave in another person's home or car from their parents, if they are school-aged as you have said they should have been taught some respect in the classroom. Do they behave this same way in the classroom or are they made to mind their manners? Often kids behave like this just because they can. If it were me, I'd tell the kids, in no uncertain terms, what is expected of them when they are in my territory...house, car, playing outdoors in my yard etc. If they don't abide by the rules send them home. If the mother questions it I would tell her the truth but wouldn't explain my actions unless she asked.

I think you should let them know. I have a friend with Three bad kids ages 5,8 and 17. Honesty is the best policy...I have told her about her bad kids and given suggestions to improve their behavior.

Hi Mommyboo, Actually, I have done a lot of daycare and I have to say that your expectations are not unreasonable at all. The things you mention are basic rules of I would imagine most peoples homes as well as schools and other public places. I think if it were my very good friend, I'd be candid with her. I'm sure you know her well enough that you could word it in a way that is not offensive but gets the point across. Look at it this way...in the long run, you will be doing her kids and her a favor by not tolerating this behavior....if they listen, that is. I think that sometimes kids and friends just get so comfortable with those that they are real close to that they act in ways that they would not in other places. Not sure if that is the case with your friends kids. I know when my kids were small, if they were going to get lame or act out then it was at home.

A friend's children can present quite a test of your patience. It is always a safe bet to assume that if a child is acting in some unpleasant way, it is because of a combination of his parents' behavior, lack of home training as well as the child's personality. A study found that kids have their true personality around age six. I am someone that believes a little understanding of the golden rule and a little discussion with a child's parents' about his or her behavior can help the situation. If the friend's children are completely unbearable, it may be time to consider ways to have as little to do with the friend's children as possible.

People are too defensive about their kids. I would tell the kids what is expected of them at my house, in my car, or something like that and I would tell the mother what is expected at my house from her kids just so she knows. Then if her kids run back saying that I was mean or something because they had to clean up their toys or juice boxes or something like that and they get mad, I would say well I told you what is expected of people in my house, car, and so on. If the friend is still upset about it then you might have to break the friendship. I mean after all, she should have a little more control of her kids.

Since they're my friends, I would tell her nicely about my observations on their kids' behaviour. I wouldn't make it sound like they're monsters, but in a concerned way. Perhaps, they didn't notice that those behaviours are annoying to other people. Another way would be to directly tell the kid what the right thing to do is. If they're resilient enough, they would keep your advice and it'll be an additional point on their good morals and right conduct.

You sound like you have done a wonderful job rasieing your child just wanted to tell you that.

I always try to teach my children to be respectful and to clean up after themselves. I understand how frustrating it is when I am caring for my nieces, nephews, or friends children and they leave their trash everywhere. I usually set rules before I let the kids play. I ask them if they have a drink or need one to please ask me and then I ask them to please leave it in a certain room or place. I also let them know that if they cannot obey my rules they will be suspended from coming over for some time. If after a few times the kids cannot listen or attempt to abide by my rules I would talk to the parents. It can be hard to confront a friend especially when it is about their childen. I would suggest you start by letting her know you enjoy having her kids over, but that they have been having trouble abiding by your rules. Let your friend know that you do not want to cause problems but that you have rules and they need to listen to them. If she is a good friend then she should not be upset with you for telling her the truth. You may want to ask her if the children break your rules how she would like you to correct them. I tell all my friends and family that any child(ren) act up I put them in time out after 3 warnings. Since telling my friends how I watch the kids and what we do I have no problems confronting them. They say honesty is the best policy and it is true. I did have a friend mad at me for some time when I told her about what her kids were doing,but after a few days she apologized and we are still friends.