would you be mad if they got married without telling

I disgree with both both me and my husband have wonderful trusting relationships with our parents. We didn't ask them if or when we could get married. You know why because its none of there buyness but our own. We got married how we wanted to when we wanted to. We didn't want to wait to the day we picked to get married so we got married when felt like it. It doesn't mean anything about that child's relationship. My parents where 9 hours way so was my husbands parents. They where not upset when we told them that we got married when we did. We where happy and that was all that matters. As a mom myself I wouldn't care. I love my children and if they want to get married with out me being there or with out me knowing that is okay. I have no right to tell them who to do it and a wedding isn't always meant for everyone. We didn't want to deal with family drama because we couldn't see my husband family liking how we would have had our wedding and I didn't want to deal with that and either did my husband we got tired of everyone telling us this is how our wedding should go so we threw our hands up and did it our way. My parents didn't care and either did this. Because we where over 18 and no one can tell us what to do now. I don't care if my kids do the same or not. If they both want big weddings I'll be there if they want it just the two of them then they can have it they don't need to ask me if its okay and they don't need to tell me till the day they do it or after.I'll be okay not sad not mad just happy if my baby's are happy.

The question is not whether someone can get married without telling his/her parents. The question should be asking about the reason WHY she/he does not WANT to inform her/his parents. If the parents and children are in good relations, why do they not let their parents know that they have found their life time partner? I just don't understand.

I agree completely with what you said. It is sad when the relationship between parents and children could deteriorate to such an extend. Although it is a responsibility both will have to take to improve their relationship, The children should always be humble enough to take the first step to reach out. Some parents are having ego or pride so strong that they will not allow themselves to bow low, although deep in their heart, they may think differently. But, children, your parents are old. They will not be around forever. Remember how they cared about you when you were a small kid. Now that they are old, just treat them as kids. Try to understand them, be easy with them, let them enjoy the love and care of their children in their old age.

I wouldn't be anything but happy because who my kids get married if I'm a part of it or not isn't my choice to make but there own. I didn't tell my parents when I got married they where not sad, not mad not anything but happy and supportive and I'm in my 20's. My parents loved and accepted my husband we just wanted out of the craziness of planing a wedding. If you want them to choice for themselves then they don't have to tell you anything they don't want to because they are over 18. I still don't have to tell my parents anything if I don't wan to. That doesn't mean I won't tell them I'll tell things in my own time when it has to deal with certain things.

So someone has to have a level head is what your saying to choice how they want to get married and if they want to tell people that they got married with out you being there? Me and my husband we knew each other for 6 years dated about 3 months, got engaged 3 months later got married, and another 3 months later found about our daughter. For some people that would be quick and fast. My parents thought it was fast but over all they know we are the adults and that is our choices to make so there wasn't any reason to be upset about it or anything. When it comes to marriage me personally I feel its none body else busyness so you don't have to talk about it with your parents, your grandparents. My husband never ask for my hand in marriage because we aren't not in the 50's any more its widely expected if you live in the US to do as you please after your 18 nobody can tell you what you can and can't do.

You and your husband had the conscience.That's why you are now a happy couple.But unfortunately most in their twenties lack the conscience.They get attracted to each other without thinking twice about the future.Marriage is a serious matter,and I think,elders should be taken into confidence while taking a decision.

Its about me wanting to be there for them in their joys and sorrows, its about me being fufiled seeing my children happy, its about the joy it brings seeing my children smile, I know because of the love I would have for them, they would want to see me smile in their proudest moments. Not many people have the chance to see their parents get married, but I did, when they had their children, that's us they were not legally married, they waited till their 25yrs anniversary . You need to see the joy in my eyes that day as I was proud to be called their son. And at that proud moment when my mom said I do to my dad, she turned and saw me smiling with tears of joy in her eyes and that she said was the most beautiful thing she had seen all year, and that was also the most beautiful thing to me. Sharing joyous moments with loved ones is priceless trust me, I wouldn't wanna miss that for anything.

But the wedding isn't about you now is? You can want to be there for every little thing your kids do but you can't because when someone get's married its there day to choice how it goes regardless of anyone else feelings. It's about there feelings and what they want. Thankfully me and my husband we did it our way or else I think we would have gone crazy. Our wedding before we had it wasn't about is it was us trying to please everyone else and what they wanted for our wedding not what we wanted. So we talked it over and got it done and over with because others wanted to make a big deal about a piece paper that was binding ups and two rings.

I can tell you first hand, I've done things its the best thing I've ever done as an adult. My parents knew where and engaged of course when me and my husband got married. When we got married we didn't want the all the hassle of trying to get our two families together and I didn't want to have to deal with all of that stress so we got married with out telling our families till we where married of course. They where not hurt, or sad or angry they where happy because we where happy. For some people just going off and getting married is easier then all the wedding drama and cheaper too. Now with my own kids, like I've said to others most all disagree with me outside of a few that has done what me and my husband have done. I would be more then okay. It's there life, they can choice to tell me or not tell. I will not hurt me in any way at all because I love my kids and there is no point for me to be hurt by it when I'm not them and I'm not in there shoes. We all want different weddings I don't see it as not trusting me, not loving me as there mother, I don't see it as being disrespectful at all. When they are adults they can make that choice with out me being there. If they want me there I'll be there where ever it's at. I know its not about my feelings it's about there own feelings and what will make them happy. I will be there with open arms.

I disagree there isn't anything wrong with my relationship with my parents and I didn't tell or have them at my wedding at all. One because its mine and my husband dad day and we didn't want to wait 2 years to get married so we just go married when we felt like it. The best thing we have ever done in the past 2 years of our marriage. My parents weren't hurt they where every happy that we got married because how someone gets married has nothing to do with the parents and you don't need to have permission because asking means they own you and my parents down own me no body does. I don't own my two children they can do as they please once they are 18 if there is someone they love and they find it easier to just go off and get married some where with out either of there families I wouldn't be hurt or mad. What kind of parent would I be to make them think of my feelings and no there own feelings. Its there day they can have it what ever way they want it to be. It's like saying they have to ask me if its okay for them to have kids, where they need to go to college those are there life choices not mine. I would hope as my kids became parents they would understand they don't control how there kids do things but you just be happy if they are happy with how they do things. That is how it should be.

I think we need to first clarify the meaning of the word 'got married with out telling you' in your post actually means. My understanding of the phase is that someone got married but PURPOSELY did not want to inform his/her parents. To inform does not mean to ask permission. It is just a courtesy to tell them what is going to take place as parents are supposed to be the closest. Do we tell our friends, our colleagues or our neighbors about our marriage? To tell them is to let them know, that is all. It does not mean our marriage has anything to do with them or it means we are asking permission from them! If we can inform our friends, colleagues and neighbors the good news, why not our parents and families too? Of course marriage is just something between 2 adults if you look at it from a very narrow angle. But marriage usually does not just unite 2 persons but most of the time, 2 families. The brother of your wife becomes your brother-in-law. The son of your husband's sister is your nephew-in-law now - it becomes so automatically once you got married - you did not have a choice to decide if you want it or not. I would like to have a son-in-law or a daughter-in-law in future that is courteous to me and considerate to my feelings, just like my son and my daughter are. No, they don't have to ask my permission to get married if they are ready. But I won't be able to understand if they were to keep it as a secret - why should they? It is just like my son just got a well-paying job and he informed us the good news. We celebrated it by having a big meal with all the family members. Everybody is happy with what he had got. Now my son can say that his job is his own business and has got nothing to do with us. Indeed it is his life and he has full control of it, but as a family, don't we communicate and share, help each other and give support?

In the USA you don't need to tell anyone. I didn't tell my parents because one its none of there busyness how and I get married and when I get married. It doesn't mean I don't respect them its just its my life and I don't have to tell them what I do with it or ask them if this or that is okay. They don't own me they just made me that is it. I wouldn't be upset if my daughter or so did the same as me. It's there life to live and its there path to choice how things are done.

Like I said it has noting to do with culture it has to do with what those two people want. American is a melting pot meaning there is many cultures so many people will it just depends on those people and them alone how its done and shared.

Yeah friend.. it is because that's the culture of your place. So, this issue maybe answered by Yes or No or should i say " It depends ".

Well some still ask if its okay its kind show how respectful you are of that women's family and what they think of you. My husband asked me if he should ask my dad when we got in engaged and I told him no so he never asked my dad. I don't care if a guy does or doesn't ask me or my husband for our daughter. If he wants to marry her he'll have to ask her not ask me or my husband. If says yes then its yes if not then its no. But you didn't answer if you would be hurt or upset if your child got married with out telling you? Me it wouldn't bother me if my kids told me or not. Its none of my busyness how they get married.

Oh yeah no fuss. Me and my husband got married through the court the best choice we ever made less money no body to bother us. I wouldn't be upset if either my daughter or son did that. I don't even care if the guy doesn't ask to marry my daughter. If two people are happy together I"m not going to say the way they get married is wrong or hurtful because I know its not meant for that.

Why get mad at them. I'm a parent and I don't see why any one would get mad over two people being in love and wanting to get married. I'm with vidhyaprakash what would getting mad do or solve nothing. My parents didn't get mad when me and my husband got married with out them. People do it all of the time. If that is what my son or daughter want to do and it makes them happy I'm not going to care at all. It's there life to choice. Yes I gave them life but they don't own me anything outside of the fact that they are living and breathing because I went through 40 odd weeks risking my life for them. I have no right to tell them what to do in there life, and they don't need to ask me if it is or isn't okay. I'm not marrying them and I"m not marrying the person they are with. Who cares, when your a parent you accepted what your child do weather you like it or not and you don't make fusses about it because then they are old enough to make a choices on there own its going to be a risk no matter what if they ask you or not.

I wouldn't be mad or sad its none of my busyness who and how they get married when either of my kids get married. It should be celebrated and you should be just happy for them.

I wouldn't be mad I have no right to be mad or upset or to tell me kids how or when they got married. Yes I gave them life but weather I want them to get married or not one they day they either will or with not get married. My parents didn't care and they don't need to ask me if its okay or not. I didn't ask my parents and my parents didn't care because they love me and they love my husband it doesn't mean they don't respect you because one you are not them. The way you got married might not be the way they want to. I didn't want or need a big wedding and I didn't want to wait another 2 years to get married and lucky when we did get married shortly after that I got pregnant any ways. I wouldn't give 2 cents if my daughter or son told me or not. Of course they will tell me after wards I wouldn't be mad at all. If they are happy then I"m happy. 40 weeks of carry me doesn't mean I own them and what they do with there life and how they do it.

It isn't the most important part of your child's life. Every day is just as important as the last, weather someone knows about it or not its not that important as there happiness which is more important then me being there. I didn't have my parents at my wedding we did it our way with no parents there at all just us and the courts. it wouldn't bother me one bit if my kids did the same if they are happy then I"m happy for them the way parents should be about anything there kids do and they are happy about. I don't need to be there the day they choice to have kids not my busyness to know if and when they want to have kids. The same as when they get engaged or when they choice the college they go to our what major of if they want to be an actor or teacher. They are free to choice there life and how things go in there life. I have no right to that. I'll stand by them with a smile on my face, no feelings hurts.