When do you forgive a friend who has gossiped about you?

I have given my answer already. It is not worth it. And the gossiping friend must have a conscience as she called me and apologized. No use rehashing the same thing over and over again.

Most times it is envy and jealousy. Let it go. The best thing to do in a situation like this is to let it blow cold on its own. Don't spark the fire. Gossip is everywhere and you will never be able to forever extinguish it.

Couldn't agree more with what @palonghorn mentioned in their above comment. Although it was a dumb thing for a 'friend' to do, it is deffinetely hard to just let go of a friendship, especially one of so many years. In a friendship or any relationship, it's not uncommon to have an argument or disagreement, in fact, it's healthy but I personally do not agree with the fact that your friend helped in the circulation of the gossip/rumor that gave other people a bad image of you. No matter what, even if you were in an argument with your friend, no ones friends should call a person down behind their back, give any false information to people or help in the circulation of giving other people negative thoughts about their friend. Have you tried talking to your friend and maybe asking why they would do/say what they did. Just asking for the reason that you should always ask a person before accusing, therefore, giving them a chance to either be honest or lie & also tell you their side of the story because sometimes false accusations can ruin a beautiful relationship in life. If it were me, I'd ask the person about it and really consider the decision. I would choose one of these following things: 1. Stay friends, and move on with your lives, forgetting what happened. 2. End the friendship. 3. Forgive and forget or, 4. Talk to the person, ask them their side of the story/what happened, explain your thoughts and feelings on the situation and then you could maybe not give up the friendship completely, but don't talk to or be around the person for a while and maybe it'll make them realise that they had a good friendship and it'll give them time to think about what they've said/done and realise they almost lost a friend and then maybe once your friend figures out they were at wrong for hurting you like that, then maybe you could become friends and then that person may not take you for 'granted'!!!! Just my personal opinion and ideas though. I really do hope things work out for the best for you both, it really does suck losing a friend. Happiness is the most important thing and you need to surround yourself with postive people, not negative ones bringing you down!! I hope your friend realises they made a mistake and if you stay friends hopefully they will treat you with the respect you deserve! Best of luck, wish you all the best!! :)

Thanks Tash for taking the time to write such a long letter. Here it is - what was said (and now I am gossiping, but will mention no names). I'm a writer and a filmmaker and cast her in my film. I wrote and directed the film and also played the lead. She was stunning in the film and was actually nominated for supporting actress. In Cape Town in the art community everyone knows who writes, who does sound, who does the music, who wrote the script, so on and so on. I know all these people and had some of the music done by a very good singer who did a beautiful Arabic song about God - very haunting and beautiful. The film was made on a shoestring budget and everyone knew what they would be paid. Everyone got paid; not very much, but got paid. She wanted to be cast in my second movie and I said to her that I was going to give another actress the part as she was very recognizable and my second film had a very different slant. She kept on and on and I got irritated. The gossip she spread was that the sound guy told her that I did not pay people to work on the film. My name was mud and I was even cited online and in the newspaper that I did not pay people. My second film is on hold for a year now because I am disgusted with some of the shenanigans in the film industry.

Well said. You can't whisper new life into a relationship where there has been a betrayal; just forgive and move on.

Umh, before do forgive, you should talk your friend understand your feeling and thinking of his gossip. I hope your friend understands and won't do like that more.

Perhaps it is best. I don't know. Once a gossip always a gossip. I just give people a lot of chances but when I write you off, it is finished. I regret it though.

Just like we comment on answers and questions on this site and delete them, I do the same with people who disturb me. I check out. I am too busy to work out nonsense and once someone betrays me, I am gone. I have forgiven long ago. Remembering stuff like this is like an albatross around your neck. I just delete. Life is too short to waste it with friends who are envious.

I also agree with @lelin1123. I myself, to end the friendship, would honestly depend on what was said. If it were disrespectful I could probably move on with it considering it was such a long friendship, but also because I tend to forgive to easily. BUT, if it were a degrading comment or just something unbelievable, that would probably be enough for me to say 'I don't need someone like you in my life bringing me down" especially when there are enough things in life & stresses to worry about other than a friend causing drama. I also agree with @lelin in their previous comment about how a true friend wouldn't continue the gossip or keep the story going in any way. I know whenever I hear something about my friends that is untrue, I don't care if it makes me look stupid for saying something, but if someone said something to me about a friend and it was untrue or rude, I would set them straight by giving them either the actual facts/truth, or by telling them that what they are saying is completely not true and to not continue saying such things. - and I would hope my friends would do the same for me!!! -This comment goes with my first one as well, so hopefully you read the first comment, that one should be of some help!! Good luck, I hope things work out for you!! & hopefully chat again soon in a future discussion :)

All these answers are good and spot on. You are right. The problem however is that it spiraled out of control at the time and the damage is lasting. Still I am over it now. I've moved on and hold no grudges. Once I am betrayed nothing can bring me back.

You see I knew this friend was a gossip but she has such a great personality that I sometimes listened to what she said. I allowed it, you see, even though I had told her many times that I did not want to be part of the gossip. However we are not kids anymore and one must be grown up and know the outcome when you speak ill of others. I just feel bad that I was part of this and almost guilty that I shared it. I have outgrown this kind of nonsense. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you Sayo. I am over the hurt. It happened long ago. I have many friends, but I take long to have a special friend. Good friends don't grow on trees. And so I am between good friendships. All my friendships with men have been good. And I never have more than two or three good friendships although I see my other friends also. The peripheral friends don't know the secrets.