Sport parents

I am/was an adult figure skater. I got to know both worlds as I was on the ice with many of the kids - and I knew their parents simply because I was an adult. Often I would know what was going on on both sides (kids vs parents) - and it killed me as I was in the middle - and really, I couldn't take sides (except to myself). Some of these parents were so grounded. They understood the needs of their kids and "parented" appropriately - kudos to these kinds of parents. The kids had a better attitude about the sport, as well as themselves and the people around them . . . you just know these kids would make it out all right with life in general. Then there were those parents who thought the money spent should reflect the child's performance - and if not, it was the child's fault for wasting their money. I remember one parent yelling from the side (while her daughter was in a lesson, struggling with a particular jump) "Come on, come on, give me that $20000 jump now - this is ridiculous!". Some kids can learn jumps quicker than others - and honestly, some take many, many months, or are never be able to do it for whatever reason. The double axel is H for those who don't get it - and that's almost the "test" for who can go on any further to even consider becoming of Olympic caliber. But the amount of money spent does not mean it buys anyone talent - I wished parents like that would shut up because it doesn't work that way. Some parents think their kids are lazy and not trying hard enough. I hate that a parent would yell at a kid for falling so many times and not getting down a particular move. Doing it myself, I can tell anyone it's not always easy - so there better not be anyone telling me I'm not trying. Heck, after hearing it so many times, I can see how a kid would be unmotivated to their best - because their best isn't good enough to their parents. And eek - some of the ice hockey parents were really scary - they'd really get down on their kids - eek! Anyways, I could go on and on about it. It's sad when the parents jump down a kids throat over a sport when they should be more nurturing and encouraging!!

I would get on my daughter's case when playing soccer because she wasn't playing hard. That is, she wasn't trying. I would talk to her after a game and she would just say "I don't care." Well, I didn't spend $300 to sit in the rain and watch her not try. She is a great soccer play when she tries. It was not about breaking down her self-esteem, it's about her laziness. Didn't want to go to practices, didn't want to go to games that were far away, etc. She only turns it on when it's a tournament and then she is a star. This winter my older daughter and I coached her indoor house league soccer team. As a coach I mostly sat back and let the kids play. It was, after all, house league and the kids were 14-17 years old. Who was I to tell them how to play soccer? My daughter did coach and I just called out the player changes. When it came to the playoffs though, I told them exactly where we had been weak during the season and what we had to do to fix that. I was always encouraging. They played well but not well enough to win. House league is all about having fun and that's what they did. I didn't want to be coach but no one else did so if someone wanted to complain about my coaching they were free to take over. Of course no one did. I gave each kid equal playing time and moved their positions around consistently. As for the television show, I didn't see for myself exactly how he "treated" his son but I don't blame the guy for selling such an expensive piece of equipment that turned out to be a waste of money. I wouldn't tear down my kids' self-esteem but I speak the truth as this guy did apparently. My oldest daughter was not the best soccer player. She didn't like to carry the ball; if it came to her she would quickly kick it away. When I mentioned this to her she agreed with me. Yes, sports are supposed to build a child's self-esteem. If they are not good in a particular sport than maybe it isn't the sport for them and they should try something else. My kids tried several different sports, not all at the same time, until they found what they really liked. We had a kid on our soccer team this summer that had my oldest daughter and co-coach joking that he was probably a chess player but his father wanted him to be a soccer star. Sometimes you just have to let kids do what they like to do and what they feel they do best. When THEY make that decision, encourage them.

These days, there are all kinds of parents like this. There are not only Sports Parents, but there are also Dance Parents, Pageant Moms, Theater Moms and Dads, Industry Parents, and you pretty much name it, but what it all adds up to is these are parents who want their children to be great at all cost, no matter what the price, and sometimes that price comes at the child welfare and well being. My grandmother was a Theater Mom with me because she saw that I had talent with singing at an early age, but I became miserable because of it. I wanted my education, I wanted to go to out with friends, I wanted to be normal, but none of that was going to happen until I started getting sick so much that it finally wreaked my voice. My grandmother was so disappointed in me, and we didn't speak for month even though I was going to college and writing poetry. She thought that I had wasted my talent.

I agree that some parents just need to shut up. I grew up playing sports mainly softball, my dad was my coach most of them time and he was great. He always pushed me but never down grated me. My mom was different she was constantly making my life miserable and she never played sports. She was one of those parents that argued with other parents, and just made things awful.. but I found out the reason she was like this was because she hated me playing sports because she hated having to lug me around everywhere. ( I don't get along with my mom) But my dad was great and he still is. I still go to him for advice about my own kids playing sports. My oldest started playing t-ball this year, and her team isn't all that great. It's a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds playing against 567 year olds, but as a parent I don't worry about the score. I worry about trying to get my daughter to learn the rules of the game. The meaning of team, and the meaning of team mate...that way when she gets older if she gets a bad attitude or trys to give up I can say "you know better". We have to work on with her not quitting in the middle of them game just because she is tired. We are teaching her to push through, and realize that just because your tired gives you no right to let your teamates down.