I thought I was going to have a breakdown right there.
By Amber
@AmbiePam (92789)
United States
May 16, 2012 1:14pm CST
Do you ever think you are over something, and then you realize you are not? I went to a bookstore today to look around (I didn't end up buying anything). I hadn't been in one in forever, and my favorite recently went out of business. So I'm walking around and exploring since I wasn't familiar with the layout. I came across a mom with her teenage daughter and couldn't help but hear them talking. The mother was recommending some stationary, and the daughter was asking her mother's opinion on what other people would think if they got it in the mail. They went on to talk about a book.
Suddenly, grief just overtook my heart. Years ago my mom and I would go into bookstore with pen and paper. We'd find the books we wanted to read, and then write down the name of it and the author. Then we'd go home and look on half.com to see if we could get them cheaper online. It was too expensive to just buy them from a store, but we frequently found them for a fraction of the original price online. And we'd have so much fun, and it was like our own game. And we were so close that we'd talk about anything. She was my best friend. So we'd joke around, just like that mother and daughter were doing. I wanted to go up to the mom and daughter and tell them how lucky they were, but of course I knew that was inappropriate. Instead, I left with tears in my eyes.
Of course I can't get over my mom having dementia. It's an ongoing problem and she gets so much worse every day. (For those of you not familiar, my mom is 52, and has had dementia for the past 4 years. The kind where you forget not people, but how to write, what a fork is for, how to finish a sentence. Recently she forgets she needs to go to the bathroom so she poops her pants.) But I thought I was handling it well. It hasn't been easy, but I thought I was doing really great. But today it just got me.
Has that happened to you?
7 people like this
15 responses
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
16 May 12
I wasn't ever quite that connected with my mom because we pretty much liked different books, tho I certainly read some mysteries.
But we did like to do things together, my vacations with my mom in the late 80's and into the 1990's were the best vacations in my life.
Fact is, any vacation without my brother was a good one - but when it was just me and mom... they were great!
My mother said that she had the greatest kids in the world. My brother would want to drive around and do touristy things. My sister wanted to go camping and hiking and I wanted to go to historical places and ruins. And we all went to shows with her that she just loved, so she could do everything with the 3 of us.
I miss my mom, but I miss the strong, vibrant person she used to be and not the husk that strokes left her at the end.
3 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
17 May 12
I lost my mom over twenty years ago already...and is seems just like it was yesterday...sometimes when I sit down to sew all the memories come rushing back about how she taught me to sew....buying me a new sewing machine when mine broke and my ex wouldn't buy me a different one and I sit and cry....there are times when I go out for lunch and I see an older daughter with her mother and she asks for seperate checks....now I would love to have my mom back for one day to take her out for a taco salad...another memory that rushes back....I know how hard it must be for you to see your mother sliding backwards....and you can't catch her.....if you ever need a mother's advice...I probably would be a poor substitue for the real things.....but just know that I am only an email away!
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
28 May 12
I know this is a very late response but I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you. Dementia is a terrible illness and I can only imagine how hard it is for you and your father to have to watch your mom go through it. Not to mention what you two are going through. I worked with people that had these kinds of illnesses and it is hard to imagine how alive they are one moment and then it is like they aren't even there. I have often considered the illness. Thought about it and the meaning. Why some get it and others don't. Nothing I can say can make anything better for you or your dad...I know...but if you ever need a friend to vent to, and not publicly, you can always PM me anytime.
2 people like this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
17 May 12
Although my situation is very different, I am very familiar with the rush of emotions that can overwhelm. My son was injured in an automobile accident and has a TBI. I usually think I am dealing with it real good until I am out somewhere and see a drummer, or hear a drumline - then I lose it like you did. The grief just overwhelms me and I can't get out from under the cloud... then I have to come back home and take care of him. Memories are great - but sometimes the source of great pain.
2 people like this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
17 May 12
Not really all that strong at all. I have found how truly weak I am!!
2 people like this
@freqspaz (220)
• United States
16 May 12
I know exactly what you mean my father had dementia AND althimsers and he went from my superman, to a very large angry (becaused he was confused and embarrased on his lucid days) infant. He passed away eight years ago last month and I still find things that we used to do that makes me choke up. Like making fun of licence plates when we were driving, and other stupid things like that. I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't. However you can do it and it sounds like you are doing amazingly well, remember to breath and smile! We're here for you!
@AmbiePam (92789)
• United States
17 May 12
My mom never has lucid days, so she really isn't aware she's off. So it never occurs to her she's out of line when she gets angry and upset. Because she never did that before. She's hit me before in one of her rages, and of course in her right mind she never would have done that.
2 people like this
@mmbk98 (5)
• United States
13 Aug 12
They say everything happens for a reason...I am so glad I joined the myLot family and came across your post! I am sorry to hear about your situation and can completely empathize! While it is a difficult situation, please be sure to take care of yourself first and foremost, otherwise, you won't do anyone any good. Take breaks for yourself and step away for at least a little bit if you are able.
I am going through a rough time with life in general right now and wish so badly I still had my mom to talk with. She passed away seven years ago. She had fibromyalgia, which caused a whole bunch of other issues besides pain, such as IBS, manic depression and dementia. It happened a month prior to me turning 30...she was only 52!
I dealt fine with her passing, because I knew she was no longer suffering. Not a day goes by though that I don't think about her or wish she was still here. Usually, I am fine. However, other days (right now is one of them), I can't stop thinking about her and end up bawling my eyes out.
Knowing I am not alone in how I feel makes it a easier for me to accept that it's normal and okay to grieve, even all these years later.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
17 May 12
I lost my mom in 2005 and I now can finally see the movie I Remember Mama! I can now see other films we would see together.It took me a pretty long time but I can do this now.
2 people like this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
17 May 12
Hi AmbiePam!
Yes, this has happened to me. My mom suffered from stroke few years ago. Because of what happened to her, she lost her speech. When she got out of the hospital, I really did not know what to do. I did not feel good for a while. Then when I was better, I thought there was already acceptance. But from time to time, it gets into me and I suddenly just feel sad.
2 people like this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
16 May 12
Certainly things like that would upset me a lil bit too. But for you this is an ongoing situation with your Mother. My Mother has passed nearly 3yrs now and it's hard sometimes feeling like an orphan especially around her Birthday. Her
Birthday bothers me the most, she's of been 70 this year. 
But my Mother made her choices in how to manage herself, her life, and her health (mental and physical) and sadly it's what she wanted since I was a child. In your situation your Mother has had not choice in the matter nor have your family members in how to cope with her car and deterioration. 
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 May 12
i cant imagine how hard it is but posibley its similar to my John when he was dieing. the mads they gave him made him like that and as he worsened, he soon quit being able to communicate at all or do anything. I hated seeing him like that and yet even after he was gone i felt i had not spent enough time with him and yes, i still get close to breaking down when i see happy couples so much into each other.and i wonder why this happened to him instead of these awful guys that treat their woman and everyone else like crap on their feet. as you likely wonder why your mom that was loving and good instead of some abusive mother. 
its a mistery
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
17 May 12
First of all, I am so, so very sorry to hear about what you are going through with your mother. My FIL passed away almost 2 years ago from complications of Alzheimer's disease. It was a horrible thing! He was in his late 70s and passed away at 83. I CAN NOT imagine this happening in a younger person! This is so terrible to hear!
I have had episodes of sudden feelings of grief like you have described. And I know that other people have this happen to them too. I remember when I worked in a dental office and a patient had gotten out of her chair to look out the window for a moment while she waited for the doctor to come back and work on her. She suddenly had tears coming down her cheeks. She turned to me and said, "I know this is so stupid, but that man out there (*pointing out the window) just reminded me of my dad. He was elderly when he passed away, and he used to wear his pants up high around his waist just like that man. It just brought me to tears for some reason. I'm so sorry!"
You are not alone. And what happened to you is totally understandable. Hang in there!
2 people like this
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
17 May 12
Hi there! My had been diagnosed with a mild Parkinson's Disease. She has slight tremors but overall she's still fine. She is 63 years and still working but soon to retire at work this coming August. I am really happy that finally I have convinced her to retire. I can relate to what you are coming from. It is not easy seeing our parents becoming weak and helpless. They used to lead our world and had been our first teacher. We are still lucky that we still have our mom.
2 people like this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
24 May 12
Poor Ambie my heart goes out to you. You are very close to your Mom and you told in many posts what a great Mom she was before the illness struck.
You are still doing great with that terrible situation. You take care of her with such a faithful attitude and you really walk more than the extra mile to help your pareents now.
I think its normal that situations like this make you sad and make you cry. Its natural. You know my life has turned to the better for almost a year now but sometimes there are thoughts just flashing through my mind which make me really angry looking back and where my soul just cries out for revenge for lost hopes, plans and opportunities. That tells me I am not over the bad parts of my life myself yet.
2 people like this
