Would you as a mother...?

I once had a bf and he never wanted me to have a picture of him he said: pictures are useless.. the ones you care about are in your heart, you don't need a picture of that person. For me it was very difficult to understand that since I love to make pictures and at that time (I was 16 years old) I already had my own camera's since 8 years. My granny said as we wanted to give her a present (for example because we were allowed to stay with her during summer time): what shall I do with it? I can't take all this stuff with me in the grave anyway. A few years ago I gave all the pictures I had to my eldest daughter incl. dia's etc. Why? Because I am getting older and I don't want to drag all that garbish each time I move with me. I only kept the pics of my youngest kids. My 22 year old is not even interested in any pictures (she is still living here). I started making pictures again for the youngest two and yes they do have their own albums. I do make many pictures again but I don't make any album for me anymore. I don't need it anymore. I also (by now) see it as a waste of money. I will never look back in an album of the past anymore. I think for my kids it's more important to have those memories of the past, a time they might not remember that well anymore if they are 2 or 4 or 6 years older. I can understand your husband's parents. They move, they have to decide what to take and what not. Instead of throwing the pics away with the garbish they gave it to those who might like to have and cherish them. I don't see anything wrong in that. Not all "old" people like to collect everything. Some times are over, we are able to remember and cherish and at a certain point the time of collecting is over. Ask yourself what the reason is you would keep some pictures. Aren't you able to remember without any picture?

Are you sure it was all the pictures? Maybe they have copies on the computer or on a disk? I'm sorry your husband and brother in law were hurt by that, but a little confused by the statement that they were offended by them moving away. Parents and grandparents still have lives to live. I would love to move away from this area and one of the things that stops me is my kids. It's like I'm trapped but I know that if I mentioned it to either of them, they'd tell me to move where I wanted to and they'd mean it. Sometimes people have the courage to break out and do things because they want to, not because they're supposed to. Anyway, back to the pictures. I'd be hurt, too, but there's nothing to be done about it. Sometimes we just have to accept things as they are.

Wow! Do they feel where they are moving would have a lower cost of living maybe? No pictures? That's weird. Garbage, huh? Obviously they have given no thought to the feelings of the rest of their family. I can only imagine how badly your husband must feel. Sounds like he has had to become used to this sort of behaviour over a period of time. It also sounds like these two people, your husband's folks, either have had something bad happen that makes them feel this way OR they are demented and have some psychosis. I would wonder, respectfully, if it isn't alittle of both. No ha ha intended. People do what they do for a number of reasons. I have an ex friend who treated me shabbly about three years ago now and I am still hurt and scratching my head over it. If I could just understand why she acted like she did I could perhaps cope better with it. You know what I mean? I bring this up because perhaps that is the case here. If you and your husband and his brother could just understand why these two act the way they do then, perhaps, you could cope better with it. Some people are just down right weird.

People are confusing. What is important to one is not important to another. I think its wrong they got rid of all the pics and called them garbage since its not the pictures were talking about, its the memories the pictures hold. Sure one can hold many memories in their mind, but we take pics of important times in lives of poeple with love to help us remember and share those memories. Their choice is their choice. I think its best they move. You guys can have a clean start as well. Who knows maybe the further they are the better the relationship. Good news for you, you never have to send them any pictures.

Wow, that's really jacked up. I can't imagine getting rid of all the photos and calling them garbage. It's one thing to downsize, maybe you don't need that thirty year old photo and so and so riding a pony and crying, but ALL of them? That's just weird. The fact that they called it garbage, that bothers me more than anything else. Seriously, they couldn't just say "We just don't have the space." And to get rid of your grand-children's photos, that's just insane! These people sound a real piece of work and maybe it is best that they are moving far away. Maybe the contact will be limited enough that feelings will stop getting so hurt.

this is very sad,,not because of ur in laws not wantting the pictures,,,but the relationship between ur husband and his parents,,, as a Mother my self,,,i luv taking pictures of my daugther,,,its show us the progress of our kids,,,,

My dad is my last living relative of that generation, and he is married to a wonderful woman who is my fourth step mom, I believe. She is family, they have been married over twenty five years. Here is what happens when we do pictures for them: Dad scans them immediately into the computer and half the time does not even let her see them, and then he hands the originals back to me. They have a couple of dozen pictures of various family members on the walls, but I am sure he has scanned them as well. He has software where he catalogs them all, and a family tree as well. Even of her family. When we do pictures now, I make sure I give her a wallet size one of her own, because she still likes to put them in her bill fold or on the refrigerator. He does not think they are garbage, but he does not want to die and leave us having to go through all of the pictures then. He and my mom were divorced and he saw the literal garbage we had to take out of her house, and does not want anyone to have to deal with any of that. He has been clearing things out steadily for the last ten years. I am so sorry your husband's family is doing this, it is not fun for any of you to feel rejected by them.

I wouldn't dwell on the photo issue too much. Your husband's parents sound like selfish, miserable people. It's good that they are moving far away. My boyfriend's mother has a very manipulative, controlling, self-centered streak, so I've had plenty of opportunity to deal with Selfish. *Sigh* Well, no more. Things are being done the way that suit us from now on, because that woman cost us both a lot--especially me.

Wow - that really bites! Family photos . . . garbage? That's downright insensitive . . . these are family MEMORIES - which shouldn't be in the same category as junk mail or empty soda cans. That's rather insulting, isn't it? What was BIL reaction when she told him that - did he question her as to what exactly she meant by that? I would have questioned her - because that's a strange/rude thing to say - but I know some families don't ask those probing questions (like my husband's family). My hubby is often hurt by his family - but it's more because of their stupidity about things and they don't "get it". But he still cares and loves his parents - understandably - so I know what you're saying. Hope things get easier for you as they'll be far away soon!