When you say 'I do' it is forever...
By laydee
@laydee (12798)
Philippines
May 25, 2012 11:57pm CST
Yesterday, I attended the Wedding of one of my best friends in college. I knew them both for quite a while now and they decided to get married when we were vacationing in Hong Kong.
Anyhow, the wedding was nice and simply but what struck me most was what the Officiating Priest said during the Homily. He said, "When you sa 'I do' you are not merely saying 'I do' in the present. You are saying 'I do' with his past and with his future. Whatever Past mistakes he has done and you didn't know about and whatever mistakes and weakness he may do in the future is accepted by you, when you say 'I do'. So don't ever consider separation as a solution because you already promised and swore to accept everything about the person.
It was beautiful for me because in these times, there are a lot of separations and divorces. I never thought that it (separation and divorce) is an easy way out, I don't think there's an easy way out. But if the couple only remembered their vows (provided they meant it), it should be a guide for them to stop talking when arguments arise and stop being selfish when things don't happen your way.
I know it's easier said than done, but it has always been like that since the inception of marriages. Indeed a marriage is a Sacrament because you're like asking permission from God to be a part of this person's life, and through marriage you are given a blessing.
Regardless how people think, I still see a Roman Catholic wedding as something special for me. There's no qualms of how good the officiator is, it's not man-centered it's God-centered. You don't need to make your own vows because the vow is complete you just need to understand it with all your heart. And perhaps the greatest part that I see in it are the rituals. If you look at the rituals intently and understand its meaning, you'd surely see why the religion has been there for a long time. If only people would look at it in the same light and not with prejudice and bias - a wedding is a perfect example of how things should be.
Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
2 people like this
5 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
27 May 12
You know what? That question was never asked me and it was actually what saved my life and the life of my kids. A life full of abuse, violence, less self esteem.
I always wondered why it was not asked. If so I was never divorced (which is still the best day of my life untill now).
What I do wonder about is also this: is this question only asked the women? Since you write: whatever he did in the past....
Is the man asked the same? Or is this again about women who have to accept everything, give up everything and the man who is free to do what he likes?
Anyway I do like his remark too.. especially the part: no matter what is done in the past!
That is exactly how I treat my friends, the people I meet. I don't care about what they did in the past but how they treat me. The past was before me so that should not count.
I don't think a wedding is a perfect example how things should be (ever seen that programm Mozilla brides?) since to many it's called the best day of their life (as if it's a count down after the wedding, no best days anymore). I think a wedding should be a commitment between two people, you don't need a priest, the law or .. for it only those 2 people and it will last forever as long as they are really equall in their own way.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
28 May 12
Oh no, it's not only the woman but both of them. It's even repeated several times to make sure that they know what they're getting themselves into.
However, though I respect your thoughts about the wedding, I think that the people and priest/pastor is important still. Just like as if it were in a legal situation, when there's a witness, there would be people to 'witness' your commitment, which means that a lot would 'help out' and 'remind' you of your commitment in times of trials. Which is why, it's advised that you should only invite those who are close to the both of you so that they could help you out. It's not a public display it's more of a community that would also promise to 'help out' with your relationship should times be difficult.
A promise or commitment by two people could easily be broken by trials and tempers, but a promise and commitment together with the two people, the community and God would be a lot more stronger I think.
Thanks for the response! Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
26 May 12
Honestly, here's what I think, and for the record, anyone here can feel free to disagree with me:
When a person gets married they are SUPPOSED to be making a COMMITMENT. Right? Okay, so if that is the case, then you would think people would really want to be sure about this and honor this, but this isn't always the case.
I have seen divorce in all its forms, and I can say that there were some divorces that could be seen coming from a mile away and those are the people who shouldn't have gotten married to begin with, and they should have realized this and seen this and some of them do freely admit this, and then there are those marriages that you thought were going to last, but something happened (many divorces, surprisingly, happen because the couple lost a child(ren)or they are having trouble having children, some divorces happen simply because the couple relationship began to fall apart, and this is very common).
My advice, really think it over before making that COMMITMENT. This is a great way to avoid separation or divorce. Make sure that you really love that person and that they really love you, otherwise, yes, it can and probably will end. Marriage really is a combination of both people giving their all to that relationship, and if they can't do that, then it will fall apart. In the case of trauma, and issues such as child loss, abuse, and things like that, I can understand why the couple would decide to call it quits, but try not to pull a Kim Kardashian, get married, only to get divorced days or months later all because you only realized after the marriage that is was a mistake.
I, personally, think that marriage is a commitment, and that it should be treated as such, but I know so many people who don't feel they same way that I do.
@rog0322 (2829)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
26 May 12
Hi,
Sadly, some people don't realize the sacredness of their vows. They just say it during the marriage ceremony and after that no more. I admire those who stood for their promises for all time, in good or bad, but then, only a few could live up to it.
I, for one, cannot be sure if what I say during my wedding may be true tomorrow, all I can do is to renew such commitment on a daily basis, day after day, until the future runs out on me. If I fail as I look at the past, then, at least, I can say, I tried my best and its all I can do in saying "I do."
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
26 May 12
Oh this was explained too.. The Priest said that Marriage should not be just Love Felt in the heart, not just the nice feeling we have when we fall in love, it should also be thought of and understood truly.
You are right guys, there are just times when people (even ourselves) just can't see it till it's too late. But when it was said that "this person is the best wife/husband you deserve" there is somehow something there as well. I don't really know for most but I must admit, to me it means that there's no 'failed' choice in marriage, you got married because that's the mate for you - no matter if you just met or have been together a long time. Perhaps if we think this way, then we'd be much forgiving to the faults of our partner and them to us. But yeah, too bad there are many people that don't see the COMMITMENT in a marriage.
Thanks for responding guys! Truly appreciate it!
Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
26 May 12
What the priest said was really beautiful and i do agree with that, it is forever, that is why on my part no matter how much pain, trials that will come between me and my husband, we promise to try our best to stand up and work things out. It is easier said and the doing part is really hard. very hard since it takes two to tango.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
26 May 12
I agree with you and that's why it's really a must to get married first before a loving couple or lovers or partners live together. Remembering the sacred vows will keep your marriage go smoothly and you would not be rattle to think of parting ways for whatever problem that comes your way. Right I also believe roman catholic wedding is really something special, where couple's being blessed with a God centered relationship. That when couple value their sacred vows, they would never think of divorce or separation but rather offer and consult whatever misunderstanding to God and keep one another together for life.
@freymind (1351)
• Philippines
26 May 12
I had a Christian wedding and for me though it was only a simple wedding it was meaningful. The Pastor who officiated our marriage had an hour to explain to us what marriage is. We both came from broken families our dads left our moms to be with other women. My wedding was solemn and the explanation done by the Pastor was centered to God. Marriage isn't something that two couples do to not only bind them together but to bind them with God as the First before themselves. Love one another not Love another one that is what our Pastor said that we should instill in our minds. You're saying "I do" not only to each other but to God and the people around you, your family and friends that is why divorce or separation is not an option if the problem can be fixed (violence not inc.). My mother surprisingly said after my wedding that she learned a lot from our Pastor regarding marriage.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
26 May 12
It's good that you still remembered what he said, then that simply meant that you were ready enough to listen and to commit! 
This reminded me of a talk once about marriage, the officiator said that sometimes we fail to understand the meaning of a wedding. We are too concerned with how it would turn out, how one would look, how the music would be like, candles, rings, make-up, party, etc. that our minds wander around while the Priest/Pastor was trying to give their advice on marriage. Most obviously couldn't wait anymore and would rush out of the church to do the pictorials.
It is sad that these things happen. It is also the fact that most marriages are given trials. I wonder if the make-up, cakes, candles, music, etc. helped them during such ordeals.
Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
This reminded me of a talk once about marriage, the officiator said that sometimes we fail to understand the meaning of a wedding. We are too concerned with how it would turn out, how one would look, how the music would be like, candles, rings, make-up, party, etc. that our minds wander around while the Priest/Pastor was trying to give their advice on marriage. Most obviously couldn't wait anymore and would rush out of the church to do the pictorials.
It is sad that these things happen. It is also the fact that most marriages are given trials. I wonder if the make-up, cakes, candles, music, etc. helped them during such ordeals.
Have a great MyLot experience ahead!