please help me
By april_02
@april_02 (82)
Philippines
May 29, 2012 12:36pm CST
I have this colleague and college acquaintance and since the first time I saw him, I knew that I like him. We eventually had the chance to be close to each other. On the third year of our closeness, I expressed my fellings to him, told him that I love him, but he told me that he cares for me as a friend only and nothing more. We were so close that he is not dating and seeing anoter woman. We aways go out together, the two of us to hang out. I year passed after the rejection, and were still closer to each other and even intimately closer to each other. And it came into a point that we admitted to ourselves to formalize our relationship. He is now my boyfriend. But I always doubt about his feelings because I keep on insisting that how come his feelings changed, well in fact he told me a year ago that he cares for me as a friend.He tells me that he loves me now, and he is serious, and he sees me to be his wife..It is difficult to make emotional investments for someone, because I am araid that i might get hurt again in the end. he is my first boyfriend and I am his first girlfriend. Should I stop doubting and just believe his feelings for me? Is it possible that his feelings for me has changed and is true??pls advice me.Thank you! =)
9 responses
@chan2zexy (508)
• Philippines
29 May 12
Hi april_02. I'm not an expert of relationships really because I haven't been into a lot of long-term relationships but as what I've recently read on a book, doubt creates a way for destruction. It's good to think and question sometimes but it could be unhealthy if you do it often. Have you heard of the saying "think and it will happen"? Sometimes by over thinking or worrying to much we end up in the situation that we're worrying we'd get into.
Maybe while spending more time with you he opened up his heart to the possibility of being with you for his entire lifetime and then he realized he really loves you. Maybe he was also afraid of losing you and whatever you had that's why he wanted to keep the friendship. Then over time, he gathered his courage to admit his feelings to you. =)
Do not be afraid of getting hurt because of loving. It's part of our life. Be afraid of not trying. I'm not saying that you should marry immediately. I'm just suggesting that you give more time to know him. If you're already thinking about the marriage and still afraid of committing a lifetime to him because you don't want to get hurt, spend more time with him as his girlfriend. Don't rush things. Only you will know if the time right for marriage. Another saying goes, "a woman's instinct is 95% correct." Listen to it but don't shut your doors. =)
@RandyPatrick (84)
• United States
30 May 12
you are so right chan2zexy, what you have read i can honestly say is a true statement.. i have been in the shoes of the one doubting everything that was said or done and i ended up experiencing everything i didnt want to happen then once thats happen the relationship is ruined because the trust is broken....no matter how hard u try to keep it together u still will have tat doubt in your mind...so the best thing to do is never let it get to that point...
@chan2zexy (508)
• Philippines
30 May 12
It is okay to question but it is unhealthy to live in doubt. Like what I have read, just enjoy everything now because nothing happens twice, it will not be repeated tomorrow. I am also guilty of committing that mistake. It's sad that I cannot turn back time but I have learned my lesson. I will never let that get in my way and I will not make it stop me from being happy. =)
@hwoarangpoy (196)
• Philippines
30 May 12
april_02 why are you trying to make life difficult? it is better to love and lost than to never have loved at all. Whether you end up with each other or not, try to make the best out of the relationship. Dear, life is wasted with doubt. Create memories than constantly restraining yourself into what could possibly evolve into something natural and memorable. Hurting will always be a part of LIFE. Without hurt you would never grow as an individual. There is no assurance in anything just happy thoughts. LIVE LOVE and BE MERRY!!!
@RandyPatrick (84)
• United States
30 May 12
exactly let go and let god....if it ment to be it will be and if its wonderful now enjoy it as long as it last.... i know ive lost some good women because of doubt and now i regret my past action...if your heart is into it go for it
@xiaoyeye (32)
• China
30 May 12
In my opinion, there is not a clear boundry between love and don't love. On the third year of your closeness, you knew your feeling well and you expressed it to him. However, he might be not sure about his feeling or there was something bothering him. So he could promise nothing. (If he had no feeling to you at all, he would have refused you and been far away from you.) Then a year ago, he made it clear and expressed his emotion. I think he is a man with a sense of responsibility. Do not think it too much. It is both your and his first time. And neither of you has this kind experience. Therefore, after being refined for sometime, you will fit each other very well.
@RandyPatrick (84)
• United States
30 May 12
in a few word just like you said if he is there after 3years then he is there because he wants to be, nothing or noone is making him be with u, so it has to be love, because if he didnt wanna be there he wouldnt be.
@yimsiupang (237)
•
30 May 12
Hi april-2,i can understand your feeling ,because i also experienced the same thing as you,i think the most important thing is to trust each other in love,since you have chosen him as your boyfriend,you should love him,but should not doubt his feelings,to give him more time,if he can love you as in the past,i think he should be sincerely,we are equal in love,so please do not fear that you will be get hurt, becsuse if you are sad he also will be sad at the same time,i wish you happiness.
@RandyPatrick (84)
• United States
30 May 12
thats true if he can since doubt about your relationship it will break the bond you have with one another..ive said it before and i'll say it again, you can make any one be with that doesnt want to be there and if he didnt want to be there then u would know it because it would show..
@tri_0217 (101)
• Philippines
30 May 12
Well, you just have to believe in your love for each other. Nothing is certain in this world. Just like in business, you have to invest in order to triumph in the end. There is the possibility that you will fail. You may come to a point where you feel that it's not worth it. but don't let go. Don't let a chance to be happy slip by just because you are afraid to get hurt. you will get hurt. everyone does. it just shows us that we are alive.
@RandyPatrick (84)
• United States
30 May 12
i agree live life to the fullest because tomorrow isn't promised to any of us, i would rather die a happy man with the woman i love than to die sad and alone all by myself.. believe me its no fun alone...u have already invested the time so just enjoy what u have..
@gracielou85 (140)
•
30 May 12
As what you said, he's not seeing anyone other than you. You should always trust your instincts. Why prevent yourself from falling in love, when it's the most wonderful feeling a person could ever attain to? Love, live and love.
Let the love flow, because if you will not exert an effort for that relationship bloom into something sacred like "marriage", you'll end up regretting and cursing yourself for being so stubborn! Trust me!
@RandyPatrick (84)
• United States
30 May 12
gracious i agree, i have doubted myself and other feeling for ma and it have led me to making the wrong decisions many of times, trying to protect my feeling and my feeling weren't even in jeporady...instead i hurt someone elses feelings trying to protect myself.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
30 May 12
The only option you have is: break up or believe. Proved is that most problems in a relationship are made by 1 person worrying whole time.. so if you go on like this you can be sure he will dump you and for exactly the same reason you fear the most.
@RandyPatrick (84)
• United States
30 May 12
follow your heart because if you keep on second guessing your self you will continue to have doubts...if you truely love this man and if you all spent all this time with each other like u say u have then dont hold back...it is possible for a man to have a change of heart about a situation...he may have been waiting for you to show him something and now u have and he realizes that u are the one for him....in the begining ye men can have comment isues, but every man i know when he does fall in love he loves hard.... it normal for a man to hide his feelings because if the fear of rejection and being hurt..
@cinderella8809 (64)
• China
30 May 12
Hi april_02, I can understand your feeling,I aslo fell in love with a boy two years ago.We are workmattes.We make good frends little by little.I expressed my feeling to him one year ago,but he refused me ,so I quit my last job.sice then,we lost contact with each other.In fact,I do not have courage to face him.I am afrad that I cannot get rid of him forever once we keep touch with each other.
I reaally hope you can cherish with each other,or you will be pityful.
If you are really love each other,seize the love!!But it is better to knew each other more time until you assue that he can give all happiness you wanna.
Best wishes for you
