teenage daughter and dating?
By krupar5
@krupar5 (287)
United States
May 30, 2012 8:19am CST
I have a 15 year old daughter who has been dating a young man for a year now. He is 17 and will be a senior next term. He is a very nice person, but has really no ambition although he says he plans on going to college. My daughter, is a wonderful student athlete and knows our expectation of her is rather high. She understands that school and pursuing on to college is her next steps in life.
My daughter and I have a terrific relationship.I asked her how she would feel if I made her go out with other people if she was in a steady relationship for a year, and she agreed. Well, it is time for her to date other people.I told her recently that it has been a year and that sometime next school year I am setting her up with other people. I had also expressed my opinion to her bf before they became serious,and he understood that I am making her see other people.
She recently told him our agreement and he is upset with her because she is going to listen.He thinks she has choice to not obey and has told her what can I (mom) do to stop them seeing each other. I told him that she is 15 and needs to experience life and unlike him, whom will be 18 in several months, she has no choice. He is now upset with her and she is a little sad because of the situation and I hate seeing her sad.
Should I just let her continue dating the same person, or give her the chance to meet and learn? I had my daughter as a teen and do not want her to do the same.
9 responses
@Absinto (2385)
• Portugal
30 May 12
Honestly when it comes to dating i think that with teens they should figure things out theirselves. Is she really wants to keep dating this guy then let her if not, let that be her decision. It is worse to input opinion when it comes to another one life. In a way not only do some teens feel like they dont have a life but they feel controled and tend to go into a worse direction
@Absinto (2385)
• Portugal
31 May 12
She might not be a rebel but somehow if you force it she might regret the decision she made because of what you thought. It might not ruin the relationship but it might have some control in how she leads her life. She could end up dependent on your thoughts. I dont think a daughter should make her life by what her mother think she could do. Then she can evolve.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
30 May 12
Although I'm not a parent myself, I understand where you're coming from and that you want her to experience what other people are like and not just one person. However, I don't think it's right to break up her current relationship and set her up with other people. She should be able to find someone she likes on her own and get things initiated herself.
Talk to her about her current relationship and how she feels about this guy. Ask her how strong her feelings are and where she sees things going. Maybe have her try talking to her current boyfriend about things too. If things end up not working out down the road with this guy, she's still young and has the rest of high school and college to meet other people.
I know you only want what's best for her but when it comes down to it, it's her life and you really don't want to become interfering and controlling. No doubt she'll follow your rules but you don't want to make her miserable in the process by having her do things she doesn't whole-heartedly want to do.
Try talking to her to find out how she feels about everything and what she would really like to do.
@krupar5 (287)
• United States
30 May 12
I understand where you are coming from and we have talked numerous times about this subject. She is not thrilled with the idea and I know she will listen if I make her. She is willing to try but has strong feelings for him. I am concerned because she is easily attached to boys. She dated 2 boys before and even though they were very young she became attached to her second one easily. Her bio dad and I did force the break-up because he was sexting her. At the time she was 13. She also "loved" him. In hindsight she was glad we ended it.
Her current bf did give her an ultimatum when she first brought this subject up. He also told her not to listen to us. I know it is her life but if he does care for her he would understand. I am not forcing them to break up. I told her she can continue dating him, but to see other people as well.Thank you for replying.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
31 May 12
I see what you mean about still dating him but seeing other people. But, I think it's the wrong time in a relationship to do that. Once you're "boyfriend and girlfriend", you're pretty much exclusive with each other. I know that if my boyfriend's parents or my parents wanted me to see other people, I'd be upset either way. You're going to have to trust her on what she wants right now and ultimately let her make the decision.
@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
30 May 12
i have an 8-year-old daughter and soon i will be experiencing what you are experiencing right now. i think you did the right thing. i think meeting other people could help her grow socially. it will also help her realize if she really like the guy she is dating.
as to her date, if he really like or love your daughter, he will wait for her and for the time that they are both mature.
@poyayan (12)
• Philippines
31 May 12
I have a 2-yr old daughter. She's very young, but this is something you think about as a dad, even when they're still babies.
It is difficult to ask a teenager to stop seeing someone they have strong feelings for. But as a parent, you take a different perspective, and even put some sense to relationships.
She is sad now, but she'll get over it. She'll even thank you later on in life, when she finds the one who truly deserves her (every parent thinks of their daughters as princesses).
@GemmaR (8517)
•
30 May 12
It is perfectly normal for your teenage girl to want to start dating, and it is much better if you allow her to do this rather than be against it, as chances are she would only go and do it anyway and then keep it from you. It is better that she knows that she can truthful to you at all times. You can always give her advice, but you can't tell her what she should or shouldn't do, because she is old enough to make her own choices. She will learn from her mistakes, and you will be there for her if anything should happen that upsets her.
@kukueye (1759)
• Malaysia
31 May 12
Well i guess 15 years old is too early for dating, but however , group outing is more apprioprate , go out as a group of friends for activies is much safer and better.At that age , they should concentrate on studies and mix with friends and not be selfish and dedicate themselves to their partner only. Also need to protect her from male wolf who goes after girls viriginity.
@fireline54 (2)
• Canada
30 May 12
I think its fine shes dating. As long as she is responsible with who she is with.
