How can I forgive him, if he hurting us over and over again....
By AngelaMarie
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
Philippines
May 31, 2012 2:58pm CST
How can I forgive my father if he hurting us and ruining our family over and over again?
I've forgiven him very long time ago after I discovered that my father was having an affair with someone else. I know that my mother was aware of this affair but she did her best to hide her suffering and pain that she experienced just to maintain our family intact. I was 7 years old when I saw my mother silently crying and praying to give her strength for her family. From that day I felt her pain and I never forget it.
After a few years, my mother asked me to forgive my fathe for he have done, according to her it is only past of the past and needed to forget, so I've forgiven him. Our family became happy and I cant see my mom crying at night anymore. I thought that was the start of a new life for our family, I thought my father had change but I was wrong.
Maybe 7 years ago when we discovered that my father was sleeping with my aunt (my mother younger sister) I thought it just a rumor or some misunderstanding with my parent but its true. From that moment I dont know how I feel. He betrayed us again, to think that he is having an affair with my aunt. It is so painful, it feels like my heart wants to explode, my mind could think clearly and ymy dreams was fell apart. No matter painful was that I've forgiven hima again since he still my father no matter what and he made a promise not to do it again. And I believed to him.
Now,a few months ago I discovered again that he and my aunt still in a relationship and the pain that I want to forget was renewed and still hurting me. I feel pity to my mother because she is suffering again, crying and cant eat. I saw how my mom loves my father so much. She give up everything for him. She did her best to served and make him happy but still it was not enough. I want to hep my mom to lessen her pain but how? Everytime I talk to her I cant help myself but cried. I really dont know what to do?
What kind of husband, father and brother in law he is? How he can take to hurt us like this. My mylots friends please help me to make my mom feels better..
8 responses
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
1 Jun 12
I am sorry Bhebelen and to your mother as well. Help your mom to be brave and you should tell your father to get out in your life. He doesn't respect you and mother or you family at all! He don't deserve to be a father or a husband. I know it is hard to live your father but your mom will suffer more especially that your father is having an affair with your aunt. I don't think he is gonna change because how many times he asked forgiveness but he still keep making the same mistakes.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
1 Jun 12
Thank you chicgale. Youre right maybe he will never change as long as he do what he want without thinking that his family are hurting and suffering because of him. I want him out of my life but I need a little more time and strength to face him and show to him that we dont need someone like him in our life.
1 person likes this
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
Just reading about your and your mother's situation, I can't help but be mad at your father. What has really gone to his mind to cheat on your mother and even have an affair, of all people, with your aunt. I can't blame you if you can't forgive him for that. But I really pity your mother. Does she still thinks that it is possible to save their marriage? That would be hard since you have said that your father has repeatedly cheated on her. I admire your mother courage to still save their marriage despite those infidelities. But no matter how much she loves your father, she should also have to realize that she deserves to be loved and respected to. I know how devastating when you have learned the truth about those affairs but your mother should make a step to end her and your family's sufferings. Your father cannot hurt you again if you won't allow him to do that again. Your mother should make a firm decision that if this thing happens again, it will be the last and your mother has to move out of your lives. But well, I know that being in love sometimes can make us bear things that are unbearable. It would take a lot courage but your mother has to make the decision. She has the right to be happy and don't think that your father is the only person in this world that could give that to her.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Yes, she still thinking that she can save the marriage but I think its very impossible and we dont want too. My mom better to moved on and start a new life without him and save herself from pain. I am just hoping that someday we would have peace in our family and forget all the bad thngs that happened. Thank you for sharing.
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
2 Jun 12
I'm sorry for the pain you have now. I hope you and your mom have a better place to live away from your father because it is not right that your father is having an affair with anyone. But like what you have said your mom is not yet ready to left your father. So maybe she can and she is strong to accept all the pain your father gave to her. So maybe just advice your mom and give her strength to cope all the sufferings she has.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
1 Jun 12
I was hoping that someday he will change for his own good even if not for us. I know in my heart that I might angry, hurt and suffering right know but someday when he change I know that I can forgive him again because I dont want to have any burden in my heart. But for now I just want to have a peace of mind and hoping that I can move on very soon with your help my fellow mylotters. Thank you elmiko for sharing.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
1 Jun 12
I am not trying to sound harsh. So I hope you don't take it that way. But maybe, you aren't supposed to forgive him. Maybe the best way for you to heal is to just move on and help your mom. It sounds like no matter what, he will just keep doing the same thing. And if that just keeps causing pain, forgiveness is the last thing to focus on. Finding peace for youself and mom is the only thing you can put your energy to.
@mikyung (2232)
• Philippines
31 May 12
Hi Bhebelen14, I really feel what you are going through right now. It really saddens me when my mother is hurting especially because of someones wrongdoing. There is this feeling that I want to tear that someone into bits and pieces. It really breaks my heart. Regarding your father's, you can't change someone just what you want. But people can change themselves if they want to. They may change for the better, we just don't know when. We can't push anything now, maybe it will only make it worse. All I say is for you be stronger for your mother. Show her that you are always there for her. Pray for a miracle.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
1 Jun 12
Thank you mikyung for your advice. Youre right that my father will never change no matter what, it is up to him if he will change his wrongdoing or not. I was hoping that someday he will change for his own good and for the sake of our family. Hope someday that miracle happens.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
31 May 12
First of all, I am very sorry that you have had to go through these things. Your Father doesn't sound as though he deserves such a lovely family as you. I have to say that if this was one of my relatives, there is no way that I would still be letting him in my life whether he was my Dad or not. Sometimes, this is a title that has to be earned not just by name but also by what people say and do. He has not treated you well, and because of this there is no way that he deserves to call himself your Father, so you should tell him that and get him out of your life.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
31 May 12
Youre right. I want to be brave and hoping that I can get enough strength to face them so that I will tell how I feel. I wanted to ask him if he is happy when his family hurting and suffering because of his wrong doing. Thank you.
@runitsjess (3)
• United States
31 May 12
I'm sorry you have to go through this, I can't even imagine how his must be hurting you.
I would say you're going to have to remove yourself from the situation in order to protect yourself. Do the best you can with providing for your mother without getting involved, but family feuds tend to drag everyone in that they can, so do your best to avoid the drama.
Anger is one of those things that's like drinking poison and expecting it to kill your enemy; in that it only hurts yourself. It's normal to be feeling the way you are, but the sooner you can move on and get away, the healthier it's going to be for you I think.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
31 May 12
Thank you for your advice, I really need someone to talk with. I wanted my mom to stay with me but for she prefered to stay in our house together with my sister for the meantime. I was hoping that I can move on very soon, I dont like this feelings anymore. Once again thank you very much.
