today is the day.....im so scared
@crazzydolphin (3636)
United States
June 1, 2012 8:53am CST
well some of you know the situation with me and my husband :( and i have been doing ok with hiding how much i am hurt. it is mentioned a few times between me and him and all i really get is i know. i have more than once explained what getting married and saying I DO means and he says i know. at this point it is all in his hands and this waiting game is hurting me more.
today when he gets home he is calling his mom to either ask her about moving back in or to get her schedule so he can ask while his step-dad is there. we have talked about this a few times since the other night and he said he would think about staying and trying to work it out with me. he also said that even if his mom says yes he can move back in that that doesnt mean that he will he still has to think about it. a friend of mine was suppose to take my kids for the weekend but she got sick and i dont know if she still will or not. but we are still planning atleast 1 more camping trip before he goes this saturday....i guess i have been hoping this would help....i know hell still be here sunday because i will be at my grandmas and i am sure hell be here still on monday night but after that i am sooooo scared that he will say i cant do this and say hes leaving to his moms. i hope that his mom can talk some sence into him about how we need to work it out.....
it is harder to hold how i am feeling in. 2 days ago i cried all day 2 nights ago i just acted as tho it was all ok until he fell asleep i got up and cried for a while. yesturday i cried only a few tears for him and when he got home i almost cried but i was able to push them back in so to speak lol and when he went to sleep a few more tears fell until i fell asleep. today being the day he may be asking them i am very nervous and scared and upset and many other emotions. it is pretty hard not to cry today. once he left for work and since the kids were asleep i cried and i still am a little bit. tonigth will be the hardest. the thing is we are acting like nothing happened. kissing, hugging, hes let me lay on him 2 out of 3 nights, we still say i love you, and we still talk like before so i am soooo confussed and i dont know what to think. maybe this is his way of giving me closure or this is his way of trying to be happy and seeing if itll work out....i am not sure but i like it but i hate it at the same time...ANY IDEAS??
1 person likes this
2 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
1 Jun 12
Any ideas? You are not happy together so why should he stay? What is the reason to be together? So you can be unhappy, feel more terrible for longer? So you are not able to find the real you again? So you can be humilated, scared, terrified, and lose the last bit of proud and self esteem?
Let him go and ask yourself who you once were, who you like to be. What you want for you. Stop waiting and hoping for something that is not there. Nobody can talk any sense into a person and if, it's only for a short moment and in the end you will be blamed again.
They say: you only know what you miss if you don't have it any more. Perhaps this will be the case with him, perhaps this will be the case with you and you will find out that without him you find yourself back. You are stronger as you think you are. Use the good energy for yourself, take a long rest, fight for what you want and above all: pamper yourself! Only if you are happy with yourself and you find yourself worth pampering others will think the same about you.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
1 Jun 12
actually up until he said that he wasnt happy i have been happy and he seemed to be also. that is even what his mom told me when i told her what was going on. everything seemed to be going great up until that point.....i dont want to feel like this all the time and like i said it isnt all the time just recently with this going on. i see where you are coming from tho i just not sure i want to let him go but i am losing all the self esteem that i had gained back about myself.
i did like the old me....i got a lot more done the kids were on more of a schedule and even tho i hurt and i cried for him when he left before when we had a few problems (those have been worked out) i seemed to be more confident in myself and my life. when he came back i still had all of this up until this past week.
i found out what i was missing when he left the 1st time and i earned him back and he saw that things were getting batter and the way they should be so he came back to make it work. i think if he leaves again he wont be coming back, i could be wrong and you could be right he may see what hes missing but im sure itll take a while. he tells me he loves me and he likes being married but i dont see how all that is true if he is doing this......
thank you for your comment i will be trying to find myself again rather he stays or leaves. there is a lot i have wanted to do and never did and may be this is that time...i just would rather do it with him around than without him.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
1 Jun 12
i am not really sure what went wrong because he cant explain why he isnt happy. right now the ball is in his court and i dont want to leave him. if he leaves then i guess this will be the start of a new life and i am not sure ill let him come back again. i dont want to go thro it another time....i will accept my future and i will move on i just dont know how long that will take if he actually does leave.....thank you for the comment :)
@geecliq (12)
• United States
1 Jun 12
with my little idea..........after reading your words, i marvelled that at the end, things still went wrong. i believe life has to go on. like what people used to say that life is all about you. always do whatever you know you are ok with. please accept your future and your mind. all will be well. but note.... if it worth leaving him, then leave....so simple
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
1 Jun 12
It's really tough to be in your situation - confused over what the situation really is. Though I didn't get much of what you said, I feel that you are truly in pain right now.
However, maybe you need to breathe for a while. Perhaps it's a good time for you to stand up on your own again. Seems to me that you are just waiting for him and what matters is his decision. How about your decision?
A wise person once told me: Do not depend on other for happiness. Learn to live a happy life because you deserve to.
Based on what you're saying right now, it seems that all happiness comes from this guy who would go back to his mom or stay with you. The mere fact that he's opting or thinking about going back to his mom shows you that he isn't ready for the next step.
A man who is indeed mature enough knows what he must do. Seems to me, your guy is confused too with what he wants in his life and all the talk of marriage made him feel that he's just not ready.
What would you do if he doesn't want to be with you for now? What will you do if he isn't ready to get married yet?
I know I'm being tough on you, but you need to hear me out. My brother and sister-in-law are having a very difficult marriage now. He has cheated and she knows about it. He isn't hiding the other woman because he claims to her face that he was not ready when they got married and he doesn't love her - to her face!
If you think it's tough now being confused because he can't make up his mind. Just imagine of what would happen if he suddenly decides to leave you and the kids because he has found someone else AFTER you are married.
Friend. Stop crying. Pull yourself together - you mentioned you have kids. This time you need to be a mom than a girlfriend. Set your priorities because it's not only your life but the lives of your kids as well.
There are many men in the sea and this man isn't ready yet, you have to throw him out to grow into maturity first.
Learn to be happy. Not because of this guy, but because you are capable of being happy yourself. Have respect on yourself and pick yourself once again. Chances are, you have been very attached with this guy and you forgot your self worth.
Good luck! Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
1 Jun 12
i guess my head is all jumbled it is a little hard to keep everything in 1 peice so it may have been hard to understand the situation so i am going to try and explain it to you a little better.....
me and the guy ARE married and on July 19th it would have been out 3 year anniversary. 3 years before that it was an on again off again relationship until about 1 1/2 years before we got married. we went thro so much together from being in school with all that drama to us being apart when i graduated to finding one another again. to his mom saying you WILL NOT get married to having our 1st child then on to getting married with everyone there :) then we went on to have our 2nd child. a little over a year ago we were having a lot of problems so he moved back in to his moms for 3 weeks and then decided to come home and we worked everything out and it all seemed great. just the other day we were at his moms house having a great time. we have been doing a lot of the things outdoors we love to do. well the other night he said he isnt happy. he said he wanted to go there to "think" but he is thinking of not even going but he doesnt know yet. his mom asked me she said "when yall were here the other day everything looked great what happened?" i explained it all to her and she said we needed to work it out but i told her that it isnt me its him i want him to stay and work it out. so she is going to find out wahts going on with him and see what happens from there.
i guess i am just waiting around for his dicision because i dont want to throw our love away. he says he still loves me. if i had to make the dicision i would want him to stay obviously but i do want us both to be happy.
that is a great saying and it does have me thinking..
you are not being tough i see what you are saying.
my kids are everything and thats why i have held everything until they are not around. it just is harder at some times than it is at others but for them i find a way. they really love their daddy and i am not sure how my 4 yr old will take it because when he is at work it she is always wanting him to come home.....
honestly i know there are others in the sea but i never have time so i am sure i will not find another specially another like my husband. he helped me thro a lot and he has always been there. i dont want anyone but him.
i honestly was never happy until i met him. i had a lot of bad things happen in my life but when i met him it all sort of dissapeared. BUT you are right i deserve to be happy and the way things have been the past few days i am not happy because i have so many other emotions going on.
thank you for the comment :)
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
2 Jun 12
Oh, so you are married with him already. Hmm.. That's different. But I'm guessing that you both were young when you got married? I can't imagine guys going over to mom's when something is wrong in the family. That's too mama's boy!
Anyhow, if you're already married, then just let him be. Stop worrying about it because it will not do you any good. Find other means to spend your time. Just be thankful when he's home.
I guess my brother's marriage is falling apart because he thinks that it was all coming at him too fast. They have 2 kids now and he thought that it was the end of his freedom. He had yet learn to love the wife, but then the kids came and they are both busy with their type of job so they don't really have time to 'bond' and when they do, the kids are acting up. It's a crazy and fragile marriage, I am sad for both of them.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
2 Jun 12
yes we were young. i was 21 and he was 19. i never saw him as the type to run to momma when things werent going like he expected but that is what he did the 1st time and what hes thinking of doing again.
thank you for that advice it actually helped. i have enjoyed when he is home but at the same time when he is here i am sad not knowing how long he will be here for and i guess that is making me not enjoy it as much as i should be. if he does leave im sure ill feel like i wasted this time worrying about it.
i have thought that maybe that is what my husbands problem is. it seems like our household is just as you described that except i dont work i am at my grandmas helping her do things a lot of the time. i hope that it gets better for them.
