Adding insult to injury..

I know that this is not a very pleasant experience because I had this in my youth when we were married. I took heart from the fact that my wife told me what my in-laws had said and was standing by her decision to marry me. It seems to be a very natural occurrence as many parents think that they daughter/son could have married a better person no matter who they decided to marry. I believe in most cases, it is a form of possessiveness, that they didn't want their child to grow up and leave the family home. I guess nobody likes change, but as a Zen practitioner, I am able just to remain detached from other people think or say about me. It is not the true person speaking, but the insecurities that person may have. It can take many years to learn this though. _DereL

That is indeed hurting, about insulting I don't know. Why not? Because it's only an insult if you see it that way. I can imagine that as a parent (which I am also) you want your kids to be happy. It's a hard one to admit that nowadays money is needed for everything, but it's not said that you can't be happy or feel close or there is no love if you are poor from the start. I assume your wife knew at the moment you two got married you were poor. Also I do believe both partners can make an income. So why (it's 2012) looking for a rich men? Why not for a rich wife? But what I like to hear most of all is your wife's respond if her parents/family is telling her she should have married a richer guy. What is her answer? Does she agree? Is she telling them she could have done that but is happy she did not because she loves you? I think if your wife is not able to live the life she did choose, a life with you, it's time for her to learn it or leave! Personally I do believe it has way more to do with character as what you are used to. I have been raised in a very rich family, with servants etc. I live way poorer in the Netherlands and if I am staying with my husband in Africa or Hungary it's a complete different life style as well. I walk to the tap for water, I do the laundry by hand, no stove to cook on, no central heath, no tv etc. My life that way is way easier, less stress and I feel much happier. Perhaps your wife should ask herself what she really wants for her, so should you. Life is too precious to feel unhappy each time and let others hurt you time after time. I also wonder what keeps you from not telling your in laws straight away how you feel and what you think about them. They could at least respect you!

Personally things like this that people actually have the gull to say are unreal, and so uncalled for, and I am Sorry this is happening to you. I can relate with many times feeling like this as I have been judged many times due to my problems with my Chronic wound and Diabetes as well. I do work full time even though I always am in pain, and have a lot of Financial issues due to that. But I am also always trying to get my Online/Offline business going better and come up with a lot of challenges from my husbands family because of it as well. Personally I try not to let it bother me, and carry on. It should really be is your wife happy, and are both of you Happy? That should be what really counts. If this is so, learn to ignore the other comments and in time maybe they can see the error of their ways.

that is really really hard. People who only care about money are not people with feelings for others. The richest people in the world are the poor because they are kind of heart

Your mother in law must be a very unhappy person. Money isn't everything. How long have you been married? Does she actually think your wife will divorce you to enter a loveless marriage for money? Doesn't she know if you marry for money you earn every cent of it. Better to marry someone you like and respect and can build a life with. Marriage should be a partnership with two people working together to make a life together.

I am so sorry to hear that. It is never easy to have in-laws that don't approve. Just remember your wife loves and wants to be with you. You are special and she wouldn't have anything any other way. There is more to life than belongings. It is not the in-laws place to say what it is that makes you and your wife happy. Hang in there...this is their problem..not yours. You and your wife are doing all that you can in the world.

It does not sound like your wife's mother has much love for her, because happiness is not measured by riches. What is important is that you love your wife and never ever hit her and that when you speak to her your words are kind and that you do not chase after other women. Surely she married you for the person you are and not for dreams of money. If money is what she wanted she would have married a rich old guy from the start. They are a dime a dozen. So don't feel bad, as your mother-in-law is to be pitied rather than hated, don't you think? Clearly she does not understand love.

dear Martin, Sorry to hear again you situation and what happened. I know that would be insulting and too much degrading on your side. I do not want to justify your in-laws- but I guess it's just a result of outburst- sudden emotion due to anger. Maybe they do not mean it. You know parents never wants to see their kids having a hard life especially when they have done and given all the best for their kids to have a comfortable life. Seeing their daughter having a hard life hurts them- so, I hope you will consider the side of it. On your part, I know you have done your best as well (no need to know you personally- but a husband always do their best) However, it just happen that your best wasn't good enough this time. Take your time- don't hold grudges that will never help you to attract positive energy and blessings. Instead- forgive them and pray for them. I hope you will find peace soon and smile on your face my dear

Hiya mobh., Once I was going to get married to someone who considered me as low as the low. But do you know I was so distant and far from knowing what they thought of me. It got to my ears much later that they did not want me to marry him because I was from a lower part in the Society a much poorer part and in other words I was not good enough. First of all I broke up with him anyway there was something not going right and I did not want to marry. So when I found out I was so glad that I did not make that terrible mistake. I was not bothered about not having enough money and what they thought of me anymore I was so glad to be free again. So I can relate to how you feel in that sense. Agreeing with Ravi it would be much better to turn a deaf ear all you can to what your Mother in Law keeps saying and concentrate on you and your wife. Just try to do what you can you cannot do anymore than that. Hope you get to move with a new job and your wife and you can be much better and happier. Good luck now and try to be just yourself you are. I can´t explain it better than I have done here. xxx

It has to be hard for you to hear these things but don't go back for a get even thing. It is not worth it and you would be lowering yourself to her level. Your wife must be happy with you cause you are still together. Keep your chin up, things will get brighter for you.

Ah, the Monster In Law, I know it well. I obviously don't know this particular dragon, but let me give you a bit of advice from a woman who has seen a lot through the years: no matter who her daughter married, she was going to hate him and belittle him. If you won the lottery and had millions, she'd find something else to complain about, and she'd do it loudly and to all and sundry. Some women are never happy in their own lives, so they don't want anyone else to be happy in theirs. Most of the world is not rich, but a reasonable proportion of them are happy in their lives as they get on with them. Make yourself as happy as you can, be comfortable in your own skin, and be glad with God that, unless something drastic happens, you'll live long enough to bury the Old Bat.

i know it is very annoying when you hear directly from your mother-in-law. However, the main person is your wife, is she happy with your current life? is she happy with you? if she does happy with you and the current marriage life, you don't need to worry anything, just ignore the mother in law' talk and be a good husband and work hard to earn money to support you wife and your kid.

HI, No friend, i think you should keep cool and at no point you strike back your in-laws. Your Mother in law is worried for her daughter and at the same time she should not have said anything (even in anger) to you as once the words are spoken, we can't ake it back and it is more paining than a slap/physical hurt. I am sure you are blessed with some good talents, why not start / restart something with less investment and be your own. Hope your wife is giving full support to you. Best of luck.

That's life friend! You may have to face problems, sometimes people insult you but don't worry, the same people who insulted you will come to you one day. As you have mentioned, don't give up, take this as a challenge and prove that you are far better than those rich guys who have money but no happiness.

I think that it is very immature of the in-law to say such thing to their daughter. You should really try to prove them wrong. Good luck on your endeavors!

Most parents just want their children to be happy! That doesn't always include money. Yes, it helps, but there is a lot more to happiness. If your wife and you have love, and you treat her well, that could be happiness enough. I'm sure your wife knew your financial situation before she married you, and she still chose to spend her life with you. That should count for something with her parents.

Hi! I am sorry about it! It really is very frustrating when one is trying to earn a decent living and providing the family! Our times have changed and alongside it our needs! Thus the basic necessities of daily life have become far from basic but their procurement still remains an obligation that has to be fulfilled by the man of the house! One does want the their fairer half to stand by the husband to share! I think its very important for a healthy relationship to share! So perhaps you could to talk to wife and ask her whether she feels her needs are being addressed! I hope you and your wife can work through it! I really think your wife needs to convince her mother that she is happy and well! Happy living!

I may not be able to tell you anything realistic 'cause my friends tell me I'm a dreamer and things that way don't happen in real life,, and I'm only 18 now and I'm a student. rather than taking it as an insult, maybe you should work hard and show your mother in law what you are capable of.Everybody needs a good money, if not for themselves, for their children and good future.

Sometime it takes years to a parent to understand that when their daughter marry a man it's not always for their mOney, they marry them out of love. My sister used to be at your wife shoes and lOng before I got marry my mom like to tell me how unlucky she was for marrying him. I remember how my brother in law felt hurt and did not want stay with her when he was in town. But all the pain that my mom gave him had motivated him to work even harder to strike my mom that he could provide his family wel. Now my mom has no reason not to like him anymore.

Hello mobhomeir While your devil-in-law may be concerned about her daughter, it is not her place to intrude in such a way into your marriage, and is the sign of an immature person. I see that others on here have recommended to you to work harder and try to make more money, etc. and prove to your devil-in-law that you are made of tougher stuff and can be monetarily successful. I suggest to you that you tell your wife's family to butt out of your relationship and that you and your wife move as far away from them as possible. You are not the sum of your income. You are not defined by how much money you make. You have nothing to prove to the world, nor to your in-laws. Your wife has married you because she loves you and she believes in you. Count your blessings in this relationship and endeavor to be who you are, along with your beloved. Don't put any regard or thought into the manner in which others measure you based on money. It is such a shallow, immature, short-sighted standard, and you are a far better man than that.