Stop dictating and start supporting...

my parents weren't really the supportive type, but they were strict and made me study a lot. when i say they werent supportive, what i mean is they didnt wrap me up in cotton wool and tell me i could be anything i wanted to be. they were realistic and told me i needed to study hard at school, get a job, and stick to it.. bot exactly allowing me to live the dream. but they made me realise that dreams aren't for everyone!

I totally agree that parents should be the people who are guiding and supporting the kids but not the "owners" of them. Some parents always think what they want are good for the kids, but it's only what they thought, they don't really understand what the kids wants. Being said that, we hardly change how other thinks, even our parents. Like what you said, we can be whom we want to be, a good parent, a supportive parent. Your son is very lucky to have you as his parent.

I could totally relate to this, i also did tend to notice that the generation before, before us.. are quite more into dictating rather than just support the kids and i will also not be like that. when i was in college they also did not support what i want instead they want me to go to the direction which they want in the end it did not end that well as well

I also discovered that I couldn´t guide my children by just saying what was right or wrong, but I had to give them an example. It became clear to me when they were in their teens and I told them not to smoke while I was a heavy smoker. I could not say anything until I stopped smoking myself.

No doubt parents are our mentors,But before that they need to be friends with their wards in order to dig deep inside their heart and help materialize their passions. The creative instincts of a child are subdued to living parents dreams ,which may earn a living but can never inject real contentment and happiness thereby often children feel deprived.Parents should understand that their next generation are people of different times and live with different sets of dreams,allow them to chase their way of living and follow the fact that's sometimes called perfect parenting.

As parents, maybe, they just share their thoughts to you that what they aim for you to be like that, but it doesn't mean that you have to go with it. You still have your own views in life, but simply,maybe they are just a kind of an authoritative individual. You don't have to follow them, just show your respect to them and try to explain to them your personal views and thoughts...cheers

I am actually following my dad's dream. I'm paying a high price for it but I guess I also want to do this for him. I know what you mean about losing identity, but I am certain I still have mine. i also agree on guiding our children and being there to support them towards building their own identity and becoming the person they choose to be, after all, that is truly what a parent's major role is.

My parents have always supported me in my wild dreams to become this and that. In some ways I wish I had a bit more guidance so that I'm not in my mid 20s trying to figure out what to become. However, I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to explore things that we're right for me. They were all amazing learning experiences!

Yes follow your own dreams but being lawyer would be a good way to go.

Hello TOniganzon, that's what my grandma did to my mom, she wanted to be an accountant but grandma become a teacher and she became very good at it. don't worry you're not alone, I too have some how lost my identity as a person or to whom i wanted to be. but there's this part of us that really want in our lives that can still happen. at least you are now independent with your own family. of course, discipline still needs to be applied

Parents have utterly failed with their lives and they are bitter about that fact. Thus they feel like they can use their children as some kind of second chance to live the dream that they wanted to live, so they start pushing the children in what they need to do. It is one thing for parents to want the absolute best that their children can have. It is another thing to try to force the hands of what they are going to really do for their life. I mean, really, there are some parents that really need to just step back and think of the damage that they are doing. Offer help, offer support, guidance, whatever but don't try and live through your children. Your childhood sucked, your life was a disappointment, get over it, move on, its a new day.

Yes, that is exactly what it is. My parents want me to be this, and that. Eventually it will backfire. Actually, I have my own dream, and I just want to be me. I wasn't doing any crime, or destructing anything. I just want to be doing my own way, and live my own life, that is all.

Yeah it's a good thing for us to guide our children and not dictate to them what we want for them. They have to live their own life doing the things that they enjoy. They can't live our dreams for us. We shouldn't want them to either.

Hi! I understand what you had been through. I was lucky that my parents are not dictators. They suggest to me some good course to take when I was in high school but they never pushed me to take something that is against my will. They made me choose what I want to take I understand that there are parents who tend to dictate instead of guide their children. Maybe subconsciously they are trying to fulfill their dreams through their children. I have experienced this with my daughter but in a subtle way. It was my dream to be able to play the piano so I made my daughter take some piano lessons. But when it comes to taking a course or what they want to be in the future, I will not interfere for sure. Yes, you are right, parents are there to guide, love and provide for their children's needs. We have no right to tell them what to take or should not take since we don't own them and they have to decide for themselves what they want for their life.

Everyone, take notes on this because I am an example of how you should really parent your children. My step-father and my grandmother both tried to dictated what I should do in life, and I ended up doing what they didn't want me to do. My step-father wanted me to be a nurse or a waitress, and my grandmother wanted me to be an Operatic Diva or Lead Soprano for the Metropolitan Opera. I had a T1 Diabetic brother, so being a nurse was not going to happen for me, and I am incredibly clumsy, so being a waitress was also not going to happen for me. I had the voice to be an Operatic Diva, but my vocal cords were slightly damaged by the time I was 22-years-old, and that was the end of my singing career. Also, unless you really are the best of the best, you will not have a career in singing unless you are what the record companies are really looking for. I'm glad I'm not a nurse because my step-dad's daughter got fired from it recently. She got angry at her bosses. Knowing that I have Bipolar-Type 2 and knowing that I have a hard time sticking people with needles because of my brother, being a nurse was definitely out of the question. Most of my friends who have been waiters and waitresses have told me that it is a thankless job because they don't always get tips and sometimes that customers can really be a pain and the butt, so that wasn't going to happen for me either. My cousin has a Music Business Degree and she is currently unemployed because most Music Business Degrees aren't worth anything these days because anyone can get into music these days. I decided to receive my Bachelor of the Arts in English Literature and Language because I love to read and I love to write and I am most happiest when I am doing those things. I love what I am doing and even though it has been tough, and a struggle, I am doing it. I am going to Graduate School right now, and I am working towards my Master of the Arts in English Rhetoric and Composition. I know what people have said to me, and what they have told me, and I don't care. I am doing what I want to do, and what I love to do, and that is all that matters to me. The more you try to control them, the more they will do their research and fight back and push you away. I rarely talk to my step-father anymore because of everything he put me through, and I still love and talk to my grandmother, and she is proud of me, and after the fiasco with my cousin, she understands why I did what I did. She was glad that I didn't listen to her on that one.

Talking about parents dictating their children's lives - my grandfather decided that his daughters would be school teachers and his son(s) would be preachers. This was back in the days when daughters, especially, were more submissive. Grandpa only had one son, and he became a mechanic, not a preacher. It was a different story with the daughters. Daughters numbers 2, 3, 4, & 5 all became school teachers. However, by the time daughters 6, 7, & 8 came along, either times were changing or Grandpa just got tired. His last 3 daughters planned their own future. Daughter numbar one was the original rebel. She made sure she would NOT be a school teacher by quitting school after the 6th grade.

I think that the problem with being a parent is that you do nothing but worry about your children all of the time, and you don't want anything bad to happen to them. Sometimes, you know that something that they do is a mistake, but you just have to let them do what they like and learn from their own mistakes. Otherwise, they're never going to know that the things that they're doing are not for the best, and they will just rebel from you as soon as they can. So if anything, they're better making the mistakes as early as possible in their life.

Hiyeah! That is correct! I have already experienced that. They dictate me of what course I should be getting, but now, I decide what I want to be. It is so difficult to be dictated by the parents because some children might become a rebel or they would feel sad. Let us give those children a free will to choose so that they would be happy in the future

I am sure not each parent is dictating. Might be it's kind of habit of them, the way they are raised, it also can be they are insecure or have less self esteem. Also kids are different. Not every child will be that motivated if you support them in everything. There are plenty who don't even notice it. I think it's not easy to raise in a right way. It all also depends on where you live (culture), how you live, your financial state, how much time you are willing to invest in your child, etc etc. Each child needs to have it's own place but also it's own way of being raised. There is not just one way which is the right one.

I totally agree with you. I think parents should only offer their options/suggestions but they should not force they children to do something that they do not want to do. It doesn't work at all.