I really feel sorry for my workmate... :'(
By MissPiggy
@MissPiggy (1748)
Indonesia
June 5, 2012 2:37am CST
I have this friend at the office. We used to be best friends in high school and now we are close again. She is married to our classmate in high school. I know his husband but we're not that close. Even when we're still in school, I barely talked to him. Actually, I didn't really like him that time, and I wonder how I still don't like him now. 
So last month this husband finally decided to quit his job. This job was actually a quite well-paid one and really support the family. What I hate the most from his decision was that he didn't like his new manager! I mean, why didn't he consider ten thousand times before he decided to quit??? They have a daughter in Primary School and my friend's salary is not enough to support the family alone. Plus, he's going to be thirty years old this year, which makes him even difficult to get a new job. My friend said she has mentioned all these facts to him but still couldn't change his mind. He didn't even try so hard to search for a new job.
So last night, my friend texted me saying that she couldn't help it anymore. For the whole month last month (and maybe for the next few months) he went out every night and went back home drunk. If she asked him to stay home, he said that he wouldn't get any information. And he didn't even care to help the house chores.
So after arriving from work, my friend still cleans the house. And in the morning, she still prepares everything while he doesn't do anything!! 
My friend has ever asked for a divorce when he cheated on her but he begged for forgiveness and she forgave him. Although I have guessed this will happen some day but I don't want this to happen at all. I was suddenly thinking about their daughter and I cried. I hope God give her strength to get through this...
So last month this husband finally decided to quit his job. This job was actually a quite well-paid one and really support the family. What I hate the most from his decision was that he didn't like his new manager! I mean, why didn't he consider ten thousand times before he decided to quit??? They have a daughter in Primary School and my friend's salary is not enough to support the family alone. Plus, he's going to be thirty years old this year, which makes him even difficult to get a new job. My friend said she has mentioned all these facts to him but still couldn't change his mind. He didn't even try so hard to search for a new job.
So last night, my friend texted me saying that she couldn't help it anymore. For the whole month last month (and maybe for the next few months) he went out every night and went back home drunk. If she asked him to stay home, he said that he wouldn't get any information. And he didn't even care to help the house chores.
So after arriving from work, my friend still cleans the house. And in the morning, she still prepares everything while he doesn't do anything!! My friend has ever asked for a divorce when he cheated on her but he begged for forgiveness and she forgave him. Although I have guessed this will happen some day but I don't want this to happen at all. I was suddenly thinking about their daughter and I cried. I hope God give her strength to get through this...3 people like this
12 responses
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
5 Jun 12
Typical story of how man took a fall and wouldn't allow themselves to get back up. What is wrong with men trying to stand on their two feet again once they stumble? I think I have some idea on what you mean on how much you feel sorry for your friend but I guess your friend will have to put her foot down and let go of her husband. I don't mean divorce. Just a little distance between her husband and her until the guy finally get his wits back and decide to become a good provider. 
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
8 Jun 12
What a great martyr your friend is. She could be a saint!
Sometimes I want to kick people like them. I know they're suffering but they'll suffer more if they don't punish their partners just a bit--at least enough to let them think to do better next time.
Sometimes I want to kick people like them. I know they're suffering but they'll suffer more if they don't punish their partners just a bit--at least enough to let them think to do better next time.@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
9 Jun 12
Well, she's not that saint thing...heheheh...I'll help you kicking her. 
I hope so she finally can make a good decision or else she will keep complaining.
I hope so she finally can make a good decision or else she will keep complaining. @MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
Your idea was just the same with what I told her but she was afraid that both families would know about their situation and she didn't want that to happen. 
And I think my friend has already forgiven him (again). 
And I think my friend has already forgiven him (again). 
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
6 Jun 12
I have a feeling he cheating again!!!!!!
and if he keeps this up Iwouldnt blame her to get rid of him.
He should have really thought this allout before quitting jobs are to hard to find now!
Hard on kid but could be harder if they go to fighting and the kid sees it.
Sorry she has to go thru this but then she might can stop it by threats go find a job help withhouse work as I am working and you doing nothing damn I know its hard on her energies going to her to make it thru!
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
8 Jun 12
I wonder aboutt hese woman who kep on forgiving when in the back of thire mind they must know it will happen again and again! and wit that staement he just told her he been stepping out on her!
LIke the woman or men who get abused say oh I love them they didnt mean to hit me gag makes me sick when theystay with that person that hurts them
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
9 Jun 12
And sometimes it gets boring to keep listening to their complaints. 
I have told her to leave him but she keeps saying that words you've said.
I have told her to leave him but she keeps saying that words you've said.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
5 Jun 12
He quit his job and all he does is party?And he comes home drunk. Is he driving drunk? Here in the U.S. most women would have left him. Many see it this way. If she is doing everything alone then she can be alone. But others stay. My first thought is to send the daughter to her maternal grandparents and then slowly move all her stuff and then one night he comes home to an empty house. They don't have to divorce, but his behavior is a danger to their child. I hope things get better. ps. you are a good judge of character. You hated him then and you hated him now! The sad part is if you warned her about him back then, you wouldn't be close today.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 Jun 12
I feel so sorry for her. I am glad you are there giving her the support she needs. One day hopefully she will leave him. And when she does , she will need a good friend like you.
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
Well, the law about DUI in my country is not that strict. The idea of sending the daughter was rejected. She said she didn't want either of their families to know about it. I just don't understand how she can live like that. I believe she still forgives her husband again this time.
Thank you for saying I'm a good judge of character and I think you're right. I wouldn't be close to her if I did it back then. But I believe she already understands the consequences of marrying him.
The idea of sending the daughter was rejected. She said she didn't want either of their families to know about it. I just don't understand how she can live like that. I believe she still forgives her husband again this time.
Thank you for saying I'm a good judge of character and I think you're right. I wouldn't be close to her if I did it back then. But I believe she already understands the consequences of marrying him. 1 person likes this
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
9 Jun 12
Thank you so much. I also hope that it will happen someday...
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
5 Jun 12
I feel angry to the husband and very sorry for your friend reading your post .
I think your friend should better give an ultimatum to his husband to shape up or she files an annulment. However, an annulment if so costly.
Perhaps all she can do is to talk to him when he is sober. If he still wouldn't move to find a job, it's time to leave him or oust him from the house.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
If that's the case then she should be ready to bear with her husband forever. 
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
Well, I agree with the ultimatum thing, but I think my friend has forgiven him (again).
And I think talking is not the way out either. The husband is the kind of man who don't talk much and doesn't listen to anyone.
And I think talking is not the way out either. The husband is the kind of man who don't talk much and doesn't listen to anyone.
@Rick1950 (1575)
• Lima, Peru
8 Jun 12
We want it too, that the relation doesn't get broken. But I think that the man is still very young and maybe is a good professional, so he will find, for sure, another job and he must be patient with his new job. Another choice is that he become an independent entreprenour.
@else22 (4317)
• India
5 Jun 12
God!I wonder how this lady is putting up with this useful-for-nothing guy.That's really painful.He is the husband of the woman and it is his responsibility to shoulder the responsibility of the family along with his wife.It seems now the situation has turned upside down.The husband has turned wife and the wife has become the husband.What a pity!I am very sorry for your friend,Piggy.
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
Thank you so much. I believe my has completely understood of the consequences she would face when she decided to marry him, but it hurts my heart listening to her story.
And IF the husband really turned wife and help her do the house chores, I think it would still less troubling. But he does NOTHING.
And IF the husband really turned wife and help her do the house chores, I think it would still less troubling. But he does NOTHING.@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
9 Jun 12
Well, he kinda made her pregnant first, actually. But I think that he wasn't aware of the consequences. I don't know if I have mentioned it in the discussion but I think that the "love" doesn't go both ways.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
25 Jul 12
nice to hear this story..
iam speechless..how come the man forgot that he is married one...
he can do like that if he is still unmarried and he have no wife or kids..
iam really speechless.
i do hope the husband of your friend can change his mind...
This is Ramadhan..and your friend should pray and pray for asking the God for opening the mind of her husband...
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
5 Jun 12
What I wonder about is why nobody is asking him how he really feels. Do you think it's easy to quit your job if you know people count on you? That it's hard to find a new one?
Do you think her husband is drinking for fun? Or is it possible he has nobody to turn to? Since it seems to me his wife is not there for him. She is only telling him what an idiot he is, useless, lazy and a drunk.
There won't be less men in this world who will appreciate that or see it as a sign of love or a way to encourage someone.
BTW it's not important what you have guessed that would have happened one day and it's also useless you cry about their daughter since their kid is not your responsibility.
I think an unhappy parent is a bad thing. I also know by experience how hard it is to have a job where you don't like to be. It's a daily struggle. I can also tell you by experience that no job is paying well enough if you feel that unhappy.
Most important is you feel happy, even if it's in a poor way. Also only a kid will feel happy if the parent is. At this moment nobody seems to be happy since your friend is only complaining to him and you and probably others, the husband is leaving upset, angry, feeling like a loser and I am sure the kid is somewhere in between feeling all this unhappiness as well.
For sure is you can't stimulate anyone to give a hand at home if you are not appreciating this person. I think your friend should ask herself how to handle this in a mature way. How to reach the guy she wanted for a husband. Also how it would be if she quit her job because she felt unhappy. How she would react if he treated her the way she is treating him. In these situations there is not just one side, it's action and reaction.
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
First, there's no way my friend would say such thing to her husband. There are some rules in my culture for women to accept the husband as the "King" in the family. I'm not saying I disagree to the rule, I just can't explain it clearly. But I know she won't say those things to her husband.
I know the daughter is not my responsibility but she's just like my own daughter already and I put myself in her position and I really don't like the situation.
Me and my friend also know how it feels to be unhappy at work even though it's a well-paid one. But he (the husband) didn't even get a year with this new manager. It was only an announcement of the replacement he already said he would quit. And the next month or two, he did. And my friend has already been trough the hard times hunting for jobs, and that was the day when she asked me whether she could apply to my office and I told her to send the application. She told me that she really needed the job and I influenced my manager to accept her, which he did.
There are some rules in my culture for women to accept the husband as the "King" in the family. I'm not saying I disagree to the rule, I just can't explain it clearly. But I know she won't say those things to her husband.
I know the daughter is not my responsibility but she's just like my own daughter already and I put myself in her position and I really don't like the situation.
Me and my friend also know how it feels to be unhappy at work even though it's a well-paid one. But he (the husband) didn't even get a year with this new manager. It was only an announcement of the replacement he already said he would quit. And the next month or two, he did. And my friend has already been trough the hard times hunting for jobs, and that was the day when she asked me whether she could apply to my office and I told her to send the application. She told me that she really needed the job and I influenced my manager to accept her, which he did. 
@sishy7 (27167)
• Australia
5 Jun 12
My goodness, she does need all the strength she could get to go through all that. As I am reading, I keep waiting for something good about him that will worth keeping the marriage. But it seems he's just going from bad to worse and worst. I wonder if it is his looks that made your friend fell in love in the first place...
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
5 Jun 12
Not the look. He's not a good looking guy. I think this is what is called love, but even I questioned what it means actually now. Because I think that my friend truly loves her husband, while he only thinks that he cares.
I think this is what is called love, but even I questioned what it means actually now. Because I think that my friend truly loves her husband, while he only thinks that he cares. 1 person likes this
@yimsiupang (237)
•
5 Jun 12
Well misspiggy,i found you are a kindness person from this discussion,no matter who meet this kind of thing will feel uncomfortable,all you can do is to bless them,i think no one can help her marriage,i hope that they could live a happy life,after all,they have a daughter,hope their daughter can save the marriage,bless to your friend.
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
5 Jun 12
Oh I hope so too. Thank you. Even I wish that he would find a job soon. I don't dare to help him as I don't want to risk my name. I know it sounds mean but I know his character too well.
I know it sounds mean but I know his character too well. 