What did I get myself into? None out there to advice me?

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Dear all those who bothered to check out the topic, Mine is gonna be a pretty big story. But please go through and comment. I had a very troubled childhood where my parents were fighting all the time and finally ended up in divorce. I was brought up my loving father and his relatives. I was really lucky born into this family. As most of the girls i too fell for a guy during all this mess and broke up after 2 years when i couldn't take his doubts anymore. I was not allowed to talk to my classmates in college, or even my cousins. Then had a beautiful college time. Had lots of friends, no love affairs everything was fine good. In between my father remarried and I was lost again. After college i went for a short term course and fell for a guy who was told to be a secret admirer of mine for quite some time. One day we were on phone when I was sick & was taking rest at my place. Bell rang and I was shocked to see him standing at my door. I was so scared, but he was like he couldn't wait to see me, so he came. None else was at home. He was all romantic and tried to get physical with me and i gave in to some extent. After sometime he got up and asked me to lie down for sometime and was doing something on his mobile. I thought he was messaging someone but, later I knew he was taking video. I fought with him, he said he'll delete it after reaching home. I started doubting his intentions and as time flew I could see he was trying to get me to cafes or ice cream parlors with same motive, twice I have caught him taking video of mine and he took advantage of me saying he loves me and all. He was not in mood to get some work, start family or anything. Came to know from his friends that he is so scared of his father that he won't even say a word against him. When I asked him about where we were heading to, he had no answer, nor did his friends. I was too scared to leave him as I was not sure if he had deleted the videos he took, he never gave me his mobile though he used to check mine to see call and message history. In the mean time I tried to find a job and was successful getting one. He didn't like me going to work and started fighting asking me to take leave and roam around with him. One fine day I made up myself stand against him and say no and finally we broke. After some 5 years, now I'm married to a wonderful guy. Before marriage I did tell him about the affairs i had, but was not brave enough tell him every details. But after our marriage once i realized how sweet and wonderful my husband is, I'm feeling so guilty that I can't take it when he comes near me. We both love each other so much, I can't hurt him by telling all that now. At the same time I'm so scared if that other guy would put my videos on internet or it comes on net through some other source. Many times I wanted to tell my husband, but I'm scared if he'll hurt himself, also if my father comes to know about this how will i even face him? I want to live a happy life with him but scared to death in my heart I can't be happy with him. So I thought of committing suicide, but I'm not brave enough to do that either. Is there any way out for me?