Needing some advice
By jterrock
@jterrock (276)
United States
June 6, 2012 8:36am CST
I have a friend who recently had a baby about 3 or 4 weeks ago. This is her first baby. Before she had this baby, we talked maybe a couple times a week. On a regular basis anyways. We both live in different states but are only about 3 1/2 hours away from one another. I have known this person for 13 years. In fact her and I use to date and we dated for almost 7 years. She is now with a man, married, and this is her first baby. So, for almost 7 years she lived as a lesbian, now she is living as a straight person. We are now friends and get along great. The thing that is REALLY bothering me is that she tells my partner and I that they will let us know when they are ready for company. But, the thing is, she has had many people come and see the baby but tells us she isn't ready for company? She posts pictures of others visiting and holding her baby but then tells me she isn't ready for visitors. It has been bothering me lately and I am just not sure how to take it or what to do about it. I have took a few steps back lately with posting comments on her Facebook page because
I just don't know what is going on with her. I was thinking she was a better friend that this. So, does anyone have any advice on how I should handle this?
5 responses
@ShereMubashir (50)
• India
6 Jun 12
its clearly showing in your above lines that she is trying to avoid you,may be she is afraid of having an refresh of her old memories ,or it may be either that she turned on straight and now she feels unsecure with you and might be she is afraid that you n her together might effect her first baby ,or either she told to her hubby about your's past and her hubby might be saying to avoid you,the solution for is just call her and talk down straight forward that wether she is trying to avoid you if that isnt the problem the you just give a surprise drop to her house,and deal the whole situation with peace ,calm and haan dont loose out your temp
@ShereMubashir (50)
• India
7 Jun 12
i agree with your point but still.....talk on the phone with her ,might be within a week she might give you a ring and says that your are invited with your partner....where you will be happy for her and you would be helping for her...but...for that thing.....you need to talk over phone....and tackle the whole situation
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Jun 12
I think you should definitely talk with her. It can be a number of things and one responder I think is right. It could be her husband that does not want you around because of your history together, or she thinks it will affect her child (which is silly by the way because her child is too young to understand anything) or it could be that she would just feel awkward, or it could be that she still might even have feelings for you so it would be hard seeing you, especially when your with someone new... There are so many things it could be!
I am not sure but I really agree with the responder on this one. I think there needs to be some communication to find out because of course we are just guessing. Don't think she is a bad friend just yet until you know what is going on.
Good luck and I hope you get your friend back soon!
@jterrock (276)
• United States
6 Jun 12
Thank you for the response! My partner and I both think that she still has underlying feelings for women even though she is married to a man. I also know that she is stressed out because this is all new to her. Her husband is a very nice guy and we get along great! I guess things can change too after having a baby. And, ya never know what happens behind closed doors!
@tajara2008 (81)
• Australia
7 Jun 12
I'm sorry that she has lost touch with you, as you are both good friends and have shared a more romantic intimacy together. It must be very hard on you... Its already been mentioned and you have acknowledged that a newborn in the family is something new and different and that it takes time to adjust.
But could she possibly be trying to distance herself from her past life relationship with you? I mean being friends is one thing but maybe she is trying to forget her past and move on.
I know it may sound harsh and if this is how she feels then she should talk to you about it. Or maybe you have to take the first step and ask straight out why she is avoiding you...
Please dont get the idea that i am judging you for being lesbian... I accept everyone for who they are.
@jterrock (276)
• United States
7 Jun 12
I agree with you! My partner and I had thought this same thing. We think she is trying to forget her past and go on with her future. We have also thought that she is lying to herself. We can't figure out why she would want to forget where she came from.
@mswhona14 (49)
• Philippines
7 Jun 12
Hi jterrock, I suggest you go see her and talk to her to straighten things out. Though don't be too confrontational when you talk to her so that she wont raise her guard against you. Just be casual asking her, how is she coping with motherhood and everything else follows. Just go give her a surprise visit. :)
