" You are not the father? Ok. "
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
United States
June 7, 2012 2:51am CST
I just saw a show where a young woman brought a guy to a talk show to prove to him he is the father. She told him when she was pregnant and he didn't believe her. Now the child is a year old and once the test said he Is the father she said he will never see the baby ever again. The host had his therapist try to talk her into visitation. It got me thinking. How would I react if I were in this position. First for anyone who knows me I would have an abortion and he would never know. But for the sake of this post I will pretend I want to keep the baby. I think it would go this way. I would tell him I'm going to have his baby. If he says the baby isn't his I would say ok, and then walk away. I would gather Every piece of medical history I could about him and his current address and put in a safe deposit book.Once my child became 13 I would give all the info to them. I believe the child has the right to know about the sperm donor! The moment he says no the baby is not his , he gives away his right to know or raise my child, period. There is no need for the drama of trying to prove it to a closed mind. By the time the child is bar mitzvah age, about 13, they have the right to know about that closed mind. Maybe by then he will want to be a father , if not at least they know about him. What would you do?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@ChandraNalaar (76)
• United States
7 Jun 12
Any man that denies his child is scum. Plain and simple. If I were in that situation, that man would lose the rights to his child. I too would tell that child about their father, if they asked, and they could see him if they wanted.
My father never denied that I was his, but he kept me from his life and is still doing so, to the point of fighting with my sister through him for choosing to see me. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jun 12
I was a surprise but I was wanted by both parents.I lost my dad at age 12. so I saw that a single mom can do it all by herself if need be. Me personally Never wanted kids.
1 person likes this
@ChandraNalaar (76)
• United States
8 Jun 12
My mother told me that I was the only thing that kept her going, even after what my father did. I used to say that I never wanted kids but I've decided that I would like to have one eventually.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 Jun 12
My mom loved me very much. By seeing how a darm good mother works so hard and is so patient I Knew I would never be able to do that. So by age 7 I decided no children and I haven't changed my mind!
1 person likes this
@marguicha (223001)
• Chile
7 Jun 12
It is hard for me to place myself in that position because I have never met closely that kind of men. But there are two things to consider: one is the need to shelter the child from such a jerk and the other is whether I need financial help to raise the baby. If I decided to go away, I would not spend my energy in gathering information about the father: the name and what I already know would be enough. If the child wants to know more later, let him do his gathering when he`s old enough. As far as I see it, the child has no known father.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jun 12
No! That isn't fair to the child. I have seen how bad it is when the mom Really doesn't know who the father is. The kid is totally lost. that is why it Is my duty to give the child Every ouch of info I have on the sperm donor , and that includes his medical history. In some cases that is the Only reason to contact the guy! Anything else , they have find on their own. many kids will not even want to search him out but they Have the right to know. Besides if you act as though you Never knew who the father is if the truth comes out, the child will Never forgive you.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
17 Jun 12
I think it was a good thing that the woman on the show told the guy the truth. He deserves to know the child is his. What he chooses to do with that information is up to him. If he wants to be a dad, this woman should be open to visitation. If he didn't want to be a dad, I'd do the same thing as you. I'd be the best mom I could be and not expect to get any child support from him or anything. I would raise the child on my own since he didn't want to be in his or her life. However, I'd make sure the child knew his or her father because every child has a right to know their parents! I wouldn't hide anything from the child when they were of age. I know I would've hated growing up with all these unanswered questions in my mind. I found out a lot of things about my family when I was an adult. I think I should've been told a lot earlier than that. These things I found out on my own too! It's not like my parents sat me down and told me the family I thought was blood related wasn't. It was crazy! So I wouldn't treat my child that way. They would want to know, and I would tell them. What they chose to do with the information about their father would be their choice.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
17 Jun 12
I agree! The child Should know everything, especially Why the sperm donor, I refuse to call him a father , is not in the child's life! Then the child can make up their own mind about him. Instead of being taught just to hate him!
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
5 Jul 12
In that case I would just hope any child I raised would do what I would do. If my dad suddenly appeared I would look him right in the face and say you are a stranger and my mom taught me Never to speak to strangers and then I would walk away!
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
2 Jul 12
I like the idea of allowing the child to decide his or her own path regarding the sperm donor. I like how you call the father that because that's exactly what he is when he refuses to acknowledge that he has a child. To me, what is really frustrating is when the single mother raises this child, and then the "father" pops up later in life of his own doing - either right as or after the child has become an adult - only to try to bad mouth the mother and get the child to associate with him, live with him, etc. I hate scenarios like that from the standpoint of the mother, but I still think it's the child's choice. It would be sad for him or her to turn their back on the mother who raised them, but it's still completely up to them.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jun 12
Ok let's say it was something more than a one night stand . You like the guy but you are not in love. And you have enough money to raise the child Without him, he doesn't work. This is the backstory of the story I saw on the t.v.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 Jun 12
Or needed them. Call it a by product of watching soaps but I want to know where he is if the child needs bone marrow or needs a kidney. Or if the child is at risk of a inherited illness. It is their right to know.
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
11 Jun 12
Well I think a test should be taken to prove or disprove he is the father. If the test shows he is, he does have a right to be in the child's life. There are many factors involved. For one thing, if the guy is a dirt bag then he should not be involved. If he is a good guy then he should be. Then their are those guys that don't want to be involved and there is women who don't want the guy involved. It becomes horrible for the child. And besides the father, good, bad or indifferent should pay child support as long as the woman has the child.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
12 Jun 12
If he is a monster , he can keep his money! If he acknowledges he is the daddy but doesn't want anything to do with the child , his money would be welcome. it would be like he is paying Not to be there.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
22 Jun 12
I believe my son will be angry but it is my daughter that will tell her to go F herself. My son, even though he will learn that his mother is a money hungry bit@h, he will seem to protect his mother. My daughter is the defiant one. My son is like me, he will just basically write people off. He already told me that the guy she is with is not his father, he will never call him dad and he also said that if he tries to parent him, he will tell him where to go. So, my kids, although a little confused right now, know who is who. And that is a good thing.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
22 Jun 12
I like Princess! She sounds like the new Me! And I was not worried about Little man. The Evil Ex has her hands full! So she May Want you out of the way but it not going to happen!
1 person likes this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
7 Jun 12
I was once a single mother. And when I was pregnant, I found out that my ex BF had another girlfriend before me back here in Philippines. We were in Canada that time. He told me that he lied to me and that he didn't want the baby and he wanted me to get rid of the baby. And the worst thing was, he told his other GF that time that the baby wasn't his. So, I made a decision to just leave and will not see this guy anymore. My daughter now is 7 years old, and I made a right decision not to abort her because I have a very loving and good daughter.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 Jun 12
To her " Uncle" will always be her daddy and the other guy is just her biological father! And I also want to add that you did well. Your daughter has a positive male role model. A daddy does not have to be a blood relative!
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jun 12
The moment he said get an abortion, he gave up his rights to be her father.I am glad you made the right choice for you. That is what I mean about being Pro Choice. Each woman has the right to either have or not have a child. Will you tell your daughter about the sperm donor?
1 person likes this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
Yes, I told her about her real father. She understands well, and she said she still wanna see him someday coz she has many questions from him. But she told me also that she love his uncle (my husband now) very much coz he love her like his own daughter.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 12
The guy said he didn't believe he was the father of the baby during the woman's pregnancy. That is shocking and the lady should have said the baby didn't have a father. The moment he said the baby wasn't his he lost the right to be the baby's dad. I think that being a single mom and not letting the dad visitation would be the right thing to do. The child could meet him aged sixteen. The lady was foolish to go on a talk show and take part in paternity testing. I would not have an abortion but keep the baby if I was in that lady's situation originally. Now the man will keep trying to press for visitation rights.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jun 12
Not this man. His attitude was so unfeeling that if she didn't bring him to the show , he wouldn't care about the baby.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
23 Jun 12
Well...for me...it is the moment he acts as though his child means nothing..he don't even have to say it. I am quite the hand full and have never been afraid of much of anything so being alone with a child never made me flinch. Not easy..but not flinching.
I think that children do have the right to know where they came from. They would get their info when they reached a certain age if I were in that situation.
I think that children do have the right to know where they came from. They would get their info when they reached a certain age if I were in that situation.1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
23 Jun 12
I believe you can't make a person Want to be a parent. Either they want to or they don't! I say once the child reaches 13, bar mitzvah age, He is ready to take the truth and that's when I wuld give him All the facts I have.
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
7 Jun 12
First off, I wouldn't get pregnant with someone who doesn't want to be a father. Was it unplanned? Then, I'd let the guy know.. and if I he doesn't want to have anything to do with it, and if I'm capable of doing it by myself in that situation, then I'd keep it and take care of it myself. And I think the child does have the right to know who the father was.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
7 Jun 12
I have been in that situation. He suddenly said it was not his, same to his mother (although I lived in their house, worked in their business and was good for it). I was dumped, the mother send me her lawyer and I have been accused of all kind of ... At that time a test could only be done at the age of 9 months old, so I did in Germany. It turned out he was the father. I kept all the records, incl. court and gave it to my daughter as she turned 12 years old. I drove her over to that house, we visited the graveyard I worked plus where his dad was burried. Years later my daughter did visit him with a friend, he did call her some times and always the same story (if he would have money). By now she seems to have contact too with some of his other kids. Those kids tell exactly the same story about him, how he and his mother treated them and their mothers. He did not change in 29 years time. Good to know. I don't think a guy like that is something to be proud of to have as a dad. I am happy with the kid I have, I kept her, she is my best friend.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jun 12
Wow!!
I wrote your life story! My mouth is open and I can't get it shut!I'm glad your daughter knows about the sperm donor. He Can Never be called a father! And I am glad you two are close! What can I say? I just thought this was the best way to deal with a man who doesn't want to father my baby!
I wrote your life story! My mouth is open and I can't get it shut!I'm glad your daughter knows about the sperm donor. He Can Never be called a father! And I am glad you two are close! What can I say? I just thought this was the best way to deal with a man who doesn't want to father my baby!
@syramoon (654)
• United States
7 Jun 12
I agree with you. Any man who says something like that isn't man enough to be a dad. Being a dad takes a lot of hard work, responsibility and dedication. And if he can't even admit he might have knocked someone up, well - that's not dad material, that's a little boy. So I would be like you "Okay, not a problem." Walk away and raise my child, and when the child was old enough tell him or her the truth.
