I am so stressed today...
By chicgale
@chicgale (2982)
Philippines
June 8, 2012 6:56am CST
I feel so stress today. Right now I want to cry. I think I am feeling this way right now because I have my period. I am so stressed dealing with people right now. This morning, when I woke up, my husband wasn't in a good mood and was very irritable. An hour later, my friend called me and asked if she can asked a favor from my husband if he can carry her iphone 4s from her boyfriend back here in Philippines coz she knew that my husband is going to visit his country next week. When I asked my husband, he said "NO" coz he is not a messenger. I don't know how to tell my friend coz my other friend who is her friend also asked my husband to bring something back from the US and my husband said "Yes" to my other friend, and this friend who is asking now, knew about it that's why she is asking a favor also. So, I don't know what to tell my friend that my husband said "NO".
So, this afternoon, another friend of mine (grade school classmate) texted me and wanted to borrow money from me around $700 USD coz her mother is in the ICU. I told her that I don't have that kind of money. She asked me to asked my husband but I know that my husband will say NO coz he hates to lend money coz we've been lending money to some friends before and we never got it back. And besides, we spent a lot of money from my daughter's school already. And I helped my mom's medicine. So my grade school classmates really begged and asked me if I can ask my friends or to people I know who lends money. I texted my 4 other friends, and I didn't get any reply from them. So, I told my friend about it and she asked me again if I have money even less than the money that she needs. I didn't respond yet coz I don't really know how to convince her that I don't really have money to lend right now. Uhg! I am so stressed and I wanna cry.
So, my problems about this situations of my two friends are:
How am I gonna tell my friend that my husband doesn't wanna carry her iphone 4s back here in Philippines without her getting mad at me? Because some friends will get upset at you if you said NO to their favor. :-(
And, how am I gonna convince my grade school friend that I don't really have money to lend her and my friends doesn't have money also? :-(
I am so stressed! :-(
7 responses
@wolveren (1586)
• Cebu, Philippines
8 Jun 12
If they are really your true friends, they should respect your decision to say no. They should know better. That is what's wrong with our culture. We are so stuck in a culture that has no place in modern society. They should grow up. If a friends gets mad at you for saying no, then they are not your friends. What is wrong with some Filipinos anyway? You shouldn't be stressed at all. It is not your problem and you have problems to deal on your own. Lighten up. Learn to say no and stand up to them. If they don't want to be friends anymore, fine. Then you will be rid of them for good. hehe. You can live a life without these degenerates. 
@wolveren (1586)
• Cebu, Philippines
8 Jun 12
Yes we should do our best to lend a hand but sometimes it's all about good timing. We can't do everything because we have limitations. I once asked help from friends and it involved money (huge money). I was sad and discouraged aside from feeling foolish and stupid but I didn't take it against them and above all, I respected their decision. Our friendship remains. I didn't dwell on it. I simply tried to find other means and got over it. I didn't stop till I got what I needed. Life doesn't stop at just one point. It's all about moving along and not getting stuck. Everyone should follow that principle and everything should be smooth. How hard can that be? 
1 person likes this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
10 Jun 12
It should be like that. If your friend said NO, just respect it. I was really planning of just giving her a small money as a help, and I am still gonna give it to her DIRECTLY. Yesterday, one of our grade school classmate (a male) sent me a text message and texted me that he is coming over at my house to collect money from me to donate our classmates mother. I didn't like it because why ME? What about the others? And besides, the one who needed it texted me already. I don't want anybody to just come here and collect money. I want to give my donations directly to the one who needed it and I told them that. But he insist because his reason was, so that I will not be bothered on going to the hospital. Well, I want it that way.. 
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
Hehehhe yeah I know. Yeah I tried texting my other friend that my husband said NO about carrying her Iphone, and I didn't receive a response from her.. So, I guess she is mad? hehehehehe Oh well, my other friend who wants to loan money, she still asked to ask my other friends or the people I know who lends money.
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
8 Jun 12
I know what it feels like being stressed out because I am going through a lot as well. My mother will be losing her job and expects Randy and I to give her more money (we already buy food for the family and I pay the heat bill) and with Randy and I both not working it has been difficult for the both of us. We still have our own bills (cell phone, car insurance, life insurance and storage). Randy and I want to move out of my parents house as soon as we get his disability (he will get it in August). What bothers me even more is that my brother lives here as well and does not pay anything which I feel is unfair. He attends an online university and gets finaicail aid money so I feel he should be paying something as well. Randy and I are attending school and get financial aid which is what we are living on but it is a struggle.
You are doing the right thing by not lending money to your friend because most of the time it does not get paid back. I never lend money out to anyone. I am sorry that your husband is not in a good mood.
1 person likes this
@rahmabaegood (166)
• India
10 Jul 12
It is better if you always make sure everything is in writing, even if the person you are helping doesn’t like the idea. Also put both of signature and something like promise that the money will be back in a range of time.
And if someday it is clearly that the person who lend money is unable to repay you, sit down with him/her and work out a new agreement.
hope it helps you, happy mylotting.... :)
@rahmabaegood (166)
• India
10 Jul 12
In addition, loan to a friend or family member often results in the loss of both the money and the relationship.
And also If you have already lent money to a friend or family member and struggle with asking for the money, take the time to talk to the borrower to resolve the situation.
@averygirl72 (37845)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
Since your husband is flying next week, maybe you can try ask him again. But first, talk to your friend and make sure that your husband will just bring home the phone. How the boyfriend will get that phone must be up to him. Make sure that the boyfriend will be the one to get the phone, at your husband's convenient time and place. Don't bring up the previous case when he said yes to your other friend. Convince him nicely. If he still doesn't want to, just tell the truth to your friend.
For your friend who mom is in ICU, inform her again that you really don't have that money and that you're sorry you couldn't be of much help. But try to text your other friends as well. The only help you can give now is to ask help from your other friends.
You must be relieved from your stress so you can think and act wisely. I don't know what you do to de-stress, but you really have to calm yourself so you can make the right decisions.
Hope everything will be okay soon.
1 person likes this
@rahmabaegood (166)
• India
10 Jul 12
Yes, you may be a generous person, but let your family and friends know that you also have limits. Sometimes I also give limit, how far I care for my family..
@sherrybelle (707)
• United States
8 Jun 12
Hi Chicgale,
Please forgive me for being very direct. You have friends who try to take advantage of your kindness and the fact that you don't like to say NO.
It's worse that they try to take advantage of your husband through you. It's understandable that he would be irritable about this.
This is how you can solve this problem now and in the future:
Tell your friends that if they want a favor from your husband they MUST go direct to him to ask. Then he can say NO if he doesn't agree to do the favor for him and you won't be caught in the middle.
I understand that your friends might be upset you they can't take advantage of you and your husband. If they get upset and you lose your friendship with them...it's okay...because they're NOT behaving like true friends, anyway.
Don't try to manipulate your husband on behalf of your friends.
1 person likes this
@rahmabaegood (166)
• India
10 Jul 12
Yes, and also after you lent money to a friend or family member, this person may return when he or she needs more money. You must still fair in your judgement, don't be a lender always, test them, are they can lend you money too in return? just opinion..
@Chikezie (385)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 12
It is normal Chicgale, sorry my comment is coming rather late. It is unfortunate we get ourselves drained while trying to please all around us. I believe that one of the best response you can give to people you sometimes is a 'NO'. But we find it difficult. It is the truth. So would I like to inconvenience yourself for someone to prove your love for him or her? When we do that, I call it manipulation that is our friends are manipulating us. I believe we should always be on the look out to show kindness with no strings attached but to the detriment to will make the help become counter productive. If your friends are cynical or paranoid, am sorry you will always be on the losing end. But if the friendship is strong and real, when you tell your friend a thing, I believe that they should be able to hold you by it and believe. Concerning your grade school mate, if cannot muster money anywhere, still tell her, if she actually loves you, she will understand also. The friend favor from your husband, can try another alternate since your husband has said no. There is no need trying to bother yourself on that. If she takes offence on that then she is selfish and also do not seek your own interest. I know of my females friends that their period is a nightmare to them. I would advice your to curtail sugar intake and take more of water. Get some Omega-3-fatty acid in your diet aswell as fibre into your diet as they help also. Though metabolism differ.
@IAmNena (178)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
Chill and don't cry.Don't take them seriously,Well your husband is just in the bad mood (or PMS-ing...joke :)) so expect he'll change the next following days and if he doesn't straight up ask him what's wrong cuz he might a problem he didn't share with you.And about your friend who is asking a favor that you can't help, Just tell her you can't do it.You can't do anything about it since your husband said no.Same as your other friend who wants to loan money from you.You know you want to help them but you just can't,So what you'll do is tell them you're sorry,tell them you want to help but you're short in funds.Just be honest and tell them the truth.if they are your real friends then they will surely understand your situation.And remember, communication is the key, if your husband is in a bad mood im sure there's a reason why.talk to him and maybe he'll open up.
cheer up girl, you don't need to take things seriously,it's just,you want to help your friends but you can't.Just be honest and nice while you tell them, If they don't believe you them it's up to them.Just chill and don't be stressed.All problems pass away, You can do it :)
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
Hi chicgale youre so generous and nice to your friends. But please don't be so stressed just because of them, remember they are the one who asking favor not you. I know it hard to tell to your friend that your husband doesn't want to carry the iphone 4s but much better to tell it as soon as possible to her, she might get upset but I know she will understand if she youre true friend. Then about your grade school friend I know she needed help right now but if you dont have money there nothing to do with it, it is not youre responsibility to raise money for her. Just tell her the true that you dont have money and if she doesn't convince its her problem anyway. Also I think she can asked for help to other people that related to her. Relax and take a deep breath it will help to lessen your stress. :)
1 person likes this
