Are you afraid to speak to other people?
By Shasta
@cupkitties (7421)
United States
June 11, 2012 1:54am CST
Yesterday afternoon my children and I headed to the electronics department of the store in search of ipods. Soon as we get there I say quietly to myself "ipod, ipod.. where are the ipods?"
Ms. I'mEverSoSpecialBecauseIJustTurned13 pipes up and says "You should ask those employees over there" pointing out a few young men in blue shirts and khaki pants standing behind a counter.
I told her I didn't want to ask for help from anyone without first having tried to find a solution on my own. This is actually true, but also I was afraid to speak to them.
I did find the ipods by myself, but of course they were locked up so I told Ms Teenager to go get a staff member. Another excuse not to approach them. She argued that they might kidnap her and I'm like "Why would the store employes kid nap you!!?" at which she giggled before finally prancing off to fetch someone.
ipods? check.
Then the precious angels decide they need new games. Of course they chose the ones that are locked up. This time after a little pushing I reluctantly went up to one very enormous and tall fellow behind the counter, timidly blinked up at him and said " ummmm.... Big fella turns his head, looks down "Yes, ma'am? What can I do for you?"
I always knew I'm shy, I've always been and most likely will be like this the rest of my life. I'd forgotten just how shy I can be sometimes. There are people I am very confident in speaking to even if I've just met them. They give off a different energy from everyone else so they are easy for me to pick out, but they are a very rare breed.
2 people like this
12 responses
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
10 Mar 13
I've always been shy for longer than I can remember, I think that is why I became easily bullied at school and even at work, after I had a mental breakdown at work I was diagnozed not only with severe clinical depression but with acute anxiety, which included social phobia. I just don't trust people, and I don't feel comfortable around people. I am fortunate in that when I go to the gym, I don't have to say a word and although there are people there I don't have to interact, gyms are like that and that is why I feel safe there, I couldn't go into a pub or club on my own, because I don't have the confidence or self esteem, hell I can't even walk in on my own, I am too self-conscious. Being in abusive relationships too kind of knocks the stuffing out of you. Now I am in my 40s and realize this is how it is. I am much more happier being single and independent, I rely on myself and don't need anyone.
2 people like this
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
13 Jun 12
I understand exactly what you are talking about. I am still shy, have always been shy and probably always will be shy. But you know what's odd? Other people, my friends, my family, even my hubby don't see me as shy. I don't get it.
Like you I would rather find things on my own than ask a sales person for help. I don't know why, maybe because I don't want to appear stupid in front of them? I wouldn't know the first thing about buying an ipod!
When I was with my first husband, he was anything but shy, never afraid to speak out, ask questions, give his point of view. So, I didn't HAVE to be very vocal as I let him do most of the talking in situations that warranted it. Now, with my current husband, he is more like me. He's not shy exactly but he kinda sits back and lets me do all the talking. I am soooo not used to that but I am learning to speak up and ask questions and not care if I appear "stupid" or unknowing in certain situations. It's a big step for me and certainly puts me way outta my comfort zone, but hey, sometimes ya just gotta ask for help.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
13 Jun 12
"When I was with my first husband, he was anything but shy, never afraid to speak out, ask questions, give his point of view. So, I didn't HAVE to be very vocal as I let him do most of the talking in situations that warranted it."
I had a friend like that. We had dated for a very short time before becoming just friends. To myself I called him "Foghorn Leghorn" after the Looney Tunes rooster. When it came to that man you couldn't speak even if you wanted to. I became frustrated with him one day because he was always speaking for me even though I didn't ask him. He decided to keep shut for once, but when he saw that I became nervous and was stuttering he jumped right in to help. I was rather relieved and never complained about his interfering again. That was probably a bad idea of him though.
@SHAMRACK (8576)
• India
11 Jun 12
Dear friend,
At times I feel this kinds of things come to these, shyness, being afraid, not having confiendence all these projects on their speech to others. May be we have to over come these negative sides in ourself by putting ourself into some best trainers and under expert trainers. Others we ourself can cure such defects through will power. All the best hope soon these types of defects will be eliminated. Our mind do control it...I feel even great people do have defects in them still they are sucessful speakers...
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
11 Jun 12
Hi, Shamrack. Thanks for replying. Finding some experts might not be a bad idea. I've gotten through some things on my own with will power and self control. Dealing with humans is a whole different ball game because unlike those other things, I can't just avoid them. Humans are unpredictable making them a lot scarier. Maybe I need some extra help in this case.
@whatrow (792)
• United States
11 Jun 12
What you describe goes beyond shy. You have a real fear of people. I don't blame you. With all of the terrible things that happen to people every day, you really can't trust anyone, not even people you know. I feel the same way. Although I try to act pleasant and cheerful when I have to deal with people.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
13 Jun 12
Anthropophobia is the fear of people." is pathological fear of people or human company" Just looked it up. Sounds about right though I do okay as long as someone I know is with me in those social situations. When I have to go out somewhere a lone things become rather intense.
@KOSTAS499 (1624)
• Greece
11 Jun 12
It's easier to ask and get what you want. I am nor afraid to talk to others, although I am sometimes bored. I don't like people who talk to much.
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
13 Jun 12
You mean people that can't go a few seconds without speaking? That's why we have duct tape. 
I'm related to a few people like that so I can't hate it too much. If you pretend to fall asleep, they'll go away.
I'm related to a few people like that so I can't hate it too much. If you pretend to fall asleep, they'll go away.
@lafredricktaylor (256)
• United States
11 Jun 12
I really dont like to speak to others either. I think its because sometimes i think it may be right under my nose and I didnt take the time to look for it. But i will give it a nice browse before i go up to the counter. And people in general, there are a few people i can run up on and its like ive known them forever! And then its not so bad.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
13 Jun 12
That makes sense. I think it would probably irritate the staff too if someone didn't try to look for the items on their own first. Though I could understand if the person is in a hurry and doesn't have much time.
@fashionfever (2200)
• Indonesia
11 Jun 12
Yes, I was afraid to speak to other people but sometime I have to ask in order to find something or when im in a place that im not familiar. So i collected my brave to ask the staff or security and got the information that I need. I know what you feel, at first I was like so shy and would rather find by myself instead of asking but as the time passed I have the courage to ask other people, I do smile a lot and say thanks when I asked other people I think that is why they are happily give information that I need. so try to overcome your fear, they wont bite you.
My younger also afraid to ask other people, even asked the waiter to order more snack/drink. like last night we ate in a caffe, he asked me if he may have avocado juice. I told him yes go ahead just call the waitress to get you avocado juice. He was afraid to call the waitress and I had to do it. I think I should train him to be brave more, I know it is not an easy thing to do but what if he is going out alone without me or other family member.
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
11 Jun 12
" My younger also afraid to ask other people, even asked the waiter to order more snack/drink. like last night we ate in a caffe, he asked me if he may have avocado juice. I told him yes go ahead just call the waitress to get you avocado juice. He was afraid to call the waitress and I had to do it. I think I should train him to be brave more, I know it is not an easy thing to do but what if he is going out alone without me or other family member. "
Mine are also like that sometimes. They aren't as shy as I am, but when it comes to asking for something they do a 180. So then I tell them to go ask now or they won't get anything and they do. I realize my behavior was rather hypocritical because I couldn't do the very thing I push them to do. Next time I need to "grin and bare it" as the saying goes.
I knew at some point I'd have to actually speak to someone. You can only avoid it for so long.
@ardoy0731 (7308)
• Philippines
11 Jun 12
I used to speak to other people in the mall like sales agents to know right away what I am looking for or I am just really so talkative lol.I used to be the one who always talk and ask things about particular stuffs that I will buy or the person that I am with.
Maybe I am so sociable and talkative that's why I speak and talk to other people easily.I really like to inquire about things.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
11 Jun 12
My older child is like that. I envy people who can just talk to anybody.
@effinmuffin (191)
• Philippines
11 Jun 12
yes i also am afraid to speak to other people especially to complete strangers. i am not really shy when it comes to sales agent. :)
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
11 Jun 12
I used to not be so shy to sales people either. I just felt very intimidated toward these guys for some reason.
@musicluv4life (1867)
• United States
11 Jun 12
I know where you are coming from, i am the same way i was very shy as a kid and i still am.
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
13 Jun 12
I wonder if there was ever a time that I wasn't shy. I can't imagine it, but there must have been. I'd be nice to know the original cause.
@ramyarsoj (38)
• Philippines
11 Jun 12
Yes, I've experienced being shy to sales agents at supermarkets even they are friendly. I'm quite shy in communicating people personally because I'm not a social type of person.
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
11 Jun 12
Hi, Ramyarsoj. Me neither. I'm a classic introvert and expert wall flower.
@mg_omandam143 (18)
• Philippines
11 Jun 12
Well, there's no problem about being shy type as long as you find other way to solve it in your own without other notice it,hehhehe. Also, sometimes you have to ask help or assistance from other person too but its okay each of us is a unique individual. Anyway speakng about you've mention above, I would say that I'm not afraid to ask other people if i really need to coz usually when I like to buy something, I wanted to make it fast so that I wont have to spend a lot of time in choosing which thing is the best/fit on me.
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
13 Jun 12
True. That's good you don't have that fear to ask help. When it comes to finding things to fit me though, I'd probably drive them insane. I'm too picky with clothes.
