i don't know if i'll stay or go...
By itsmamanen
@itsmamanen (423)
Philippines
June 14, 2012 5:29am CST
my boyfriend and has an on and off relationship for the past 10 years. he has been acussing me of being unfaithful. the truth is, i have never been unfaithful while we were together. but i admit i dated guys when we broke up 5 years ago. that was when we broke up. we broke up because he accussed me of cheating on him. i never on cheated. but i said i did. so when we got back together, he continously accussed of cheating. not just once... but everyday. he said i date different guys behind his back. god know i didn't.
now he is in singapore. but before he left, he said he wants me to follow him there after a few months. now we are starting to fight over the issues again. he said i was cheating on him again.
i am having suspicions. i think he is with a girl there in singapore. i think he is just making issues to cover-up his deeds.
i want to catch him on the act so that he wouldn't say bad things to me. i want to get out of this relationship without blaming me.
i want to go to singapore but i don't have the money for the fare.
what will i do? please help me.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
I'm sorry to say this but i think you don't have a healthy relationship with him. Relationship is based on trust and it seems the two of you don't have that, so why continue being with him. If i were in your case i wouldn't follow him in Singapore. I would end the relationship and try to be happy not having that burden in my life.
I'm really sorry but i'm just being honest.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (25351)
• United States
14 Jun 12
Just because you guys split up,does not mean she is going to lose her father.Staying together for the child/children is not right,especially if you are splitting up off and on anyway.If he he says you are cheating,just deny it and if he doesn't believe you then that his loss.
Believe me your daughter is not going to be happy with you all fighting,breaking up and getting back together off and on.Don't worry about following him to Singapore or anywhere else.If he really wanted you all there then he would come up with your fare.Get on with your life and maybe you will end up with a better person to be your husband and step father to her.
I have been there,I know.Even thou my son's step father is now deceased they know that he was more of a father to them then their biological father's were!Just because he could unzip his pants and produce a child does not make him a REAL father.
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
15 Jun 12
I agree with dfollin, just because you have a child doesn't mean you have to suffer from that relationship. And besides your daughter won't lose her father. Having children is not an excuse from braking up in a relationship. Since you are not having a healthy relationship anymore, that might even affect your daughter psychologically.
@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
i understand. but the things is, we have an 8-year-old kid. i don't want her to lose her father.
1 person likes this
@IAmNena (178)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
Just let him go.I'm sure that's the best way.You've been for years so I think it will be very difficult for you from the start,But please just give yourself a favor and let him go.If that guy really loves you then he should trust you because he knows you well.A relationship with full of doubts is not gonna work.It will always break unless he'll give you his 100% trust.Anyway, just let him go because faithful girls like you deserve a guy who can trust you with all his heart :)
1 person likes this
@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
hi. a friend of mine also adviced the same thing. thanks.
1 person likes this
@dfollin (25351)
• United States
14 Jun 12
Trust is very important!
Sometimes I believe that trust is more important than love.But,trust leads to love.
If there is not trust,then there is no real love.
Sometimes I believe that trust is more important than love.But,trust leads to love.If there is not trust,then there is no real love.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
I think you should move on in to your life and end your relationship with him. I know I dont have the right to say it, but that was the best thing to do. He didnt trust from the very start of your relationship even though you proven to him that your loyal and faithful for him. For me it is better not to follow him in Singapore because youre relationship will never be gonna fixed as long as he did trust you. Believe me better to stay where you are and start a new life without him, I know its hard but you can make it somehow. Try to focus with your life and dont let anybody hurt again and again. Hope you will find someone who will trust and love you more than you do. :)
@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
everybody has been advicing me that. but we have a kid and i love him so much. i don't wan't my kid to grow without her father.
@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
our kid didn't know that we have this kind of problem. we make it sure that she is unaware of our misunderstandings. we try to be as casual as we can when our kid is around. we wanted her to feel that we are family. but when its only us, we argue. i don't know what's gonna happen. he is far from us.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
Does you kid know your situation? Would you just accept what he doing to you? You have your own life and I think you have the right to be happy. Leaving your boyfriend doesn't mean that he will also forget and abandon your child too.
@PageTurner (2825)
• United States
16 Jun 12
Hello itsmamanen
Don't worry about the blame. You know who you are. This guy isn't worth the stress. You have more to do with your life than having to defend empty accusations.
Don't think about him another moment! Move on!!
@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
19 Jun 12
yep... the accusations has been bothering me and is stressing me lot. thanks.. i feel a lot better now.
@psychoartist (756)
• United States
16 Jun 12
girl, you need to just dump this loser and move on with your life...who needs all this headache? not you! there are plenty of fish in the sea....get out your bait and go catch one...
1 person likes this
@ShyJones28 (4)
• United States
19 Jun 12
If you have to question it, the best thing to do is leave. Obviously time and emotions has been put into this but if you aren't happy them leave. If you really want to make things work though, confront him and make sure that he understands that you are serious and that if you two are going to be together then the trust needs to be invested. Don't do anything you will regret later. And don't fall for the usual same old excuse and putting it back on you. Too much time wasted on a guy that isn't putting the effort into it is waste.
@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
19 Jun 12
thanks for the advice. i have been thinking about leaving lately. but i feel pity for my daughter. you're right, i had invested too much time and effort on him. leaving might be difficult but i think i am going to try.
@dfollin (25351)
• United States
14 Jun 12
Sounds like a guilty concise talking to me,he's cheating.
And he's trying to make it sound like it's your fault to other people and to make you feel bad.Act like you know that he is with another girl and call of your relationship and don't ever get back with him,it's not worth it.
And he's trying to make it sound like it's your fault to other people and to make you feel bad.Act like you know that he is with another girl and call of your relationship and don't ever get back with him,it's not worth it.@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
i know that. he just keep telling that he is not like me who cheats. i just want a proof that its not me who is cheating. i want to look at him in the eye and tell him not to talk nonsense anymore because i know the truth. because if that won't catch him, the untrue story would be just the talk of the town. it happened before and i don't want that to happen again.
@jobfindonline (1744)
•
15 Jun 12
Just don't be bothered to much. If you really didn't cheat him, there is nothing to worry. If he is suspicious that's a sign of jealousy. He is so possessive and living with that man in the future would cause some trouble. I hope he change his attitude cause it also shows that he don't trust you.
About your problem going to Singapore, If you really want to go and you don't have money for the fare, you can ask him for that. I think he would be kind enough to shoulder the expenses since he was the one requesting you to go to Singapore.
@viji_v2 (727)
• India
14 Jun 12
Hello friend, it seems you got confused and also with confusing till now about him. In the first he suspected you, let us take it as his character, or just a situation made him to think like that. But after getting together after a break up, if he started to say in the same way, it means he is not worth for your love. You could stop thinking about him. Or just share what you think about him, and if he needs to be together he would admit it to you. Just decide wisely.
Best wishes.
@itsmamanen (423)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
i think you are right. i am finding way to gain strength to do that. thanks.
