Arguing with others

I always feel bad when my conversations get that intense. It happens, but not too often, thankfully! I feel like when it's a shouting match between the other person and me, it's not very effective. We're both just getting riled up for no reason. It's not worth it either. You're exactly right that nothing gets accomplished when this happens! I feel like my words are more effective when I talk at an even level. I'm not one to raise my voice either, so I hate when I have to. It's more effective when I raise my voice at the other person. I know it might sound weird, but because I don't do it often, people know I'm serious when I raise my voice at them! I don't think conversations like this are all about who "wins" or has the last word, but sometimes it turns into that because of how heated things can get. Overall, it's just better to try to work it out instead. I hate it when that happens, but every once in a while, it does because we're only human! I'm glad I'm not the only one who loses her temper now and then lol!

We don't like arguments but sometimes there are situation put us into boiling point and get emotional so we start defending our side until the person agree or understand our point. I understand why you get hysterical because he questioned you as a mother. It's like blaming you for raising your daughter to be like that. You get insulted and burst like that. I guess you swallow your pride for a long time just to save your marriage, right? I guess after the yelling scenario your feel okay and light cause you already let go all the bad emotions you kept for years.

Yes you are right, shouting gets you nowhere. Well luckily he is your EX and you don't have to see him everyday. I would give it some time for you both to cool off and then, if you still felt bad, talk to him about it calmly. You need to work together since you are both still raising a child together. Even if he's a jerk and says rude things, you may just have to bite your tongue and try to take deep breaths so you don't get down to his level. If it doesn't work, tell him you have to go and discuss it later. One thing I learned from a book I once read - never make decisions when you are in a bad mood. Hang up, talk it over later after you've relaxed. Hope you feel better soon!

Hi Meemii: I can sympathise with you completely here. I have 2 ex wives with children born to each marriage. Its amazing how the other partner, male or female tend to try to create an argument. I dont know if it is to attempt to create a rift between the kids and me or what their plans are... But like you said, no one wins and it is especially sad if the children, even if they are teens see that their parents arent in agreement in regards to their welfare. It doesnt take long before the kids will start to play one parent against the other. Its all a sad situation, but it is just better to bite your tounge and show that you are the bigger and more mature person. Its hard i know but it is better in the long run... Sometimes I have had to either just put the kids in the car or drop them off depending on what i was there for and drive off... better than lowering yourself to their standards... Hope this helps

Yah, but it's part of life. Everyone fights and argues. And sometimes there is shouting involved. Usually it doesn't get resolved, and nobody feels good after, but sometimes there is no way around it.

We all get upset when someone question our abilities. I actually feel the same when my husband tell me I spoiled our children too much (although he is probably right). Also we have friends who used to be married and they have the same problem you have. So after they realized that fighting will get them no where they developed a system: if they have something to debate & they know it will be unpleasant for the other they do one of several things: 1) They talk about it in public (like a restaurant) - here they must both be polite and can't scream and use bad language. 2) They write it out. Sometimes the first time you hear something it is really annoying, but as times goes by, you relax. So they send each other emails, or letters. This way the other one get angry, relax, and then they can have a pleasant & productive talk about the matter. 3) They ask us (or other mutual friends) to talk with the other one about the matter in a way that won't angry him / her (actually I hate when they do that). So If your ex is a reasonable person that want to be able to solve the matter rather then arguing - you two should find another solution.

It is always hard when you have a child with somebody who you are no longer with, because it can often feel as though it's a battle between the two of you to see who can be the best parent. However, you have to remember that your daughter is in the middle of all of this, and she won't like it when she sees her parents fight. You have to put your differences to one side and remember that she is the most important thing in both of your lives, and that you owe it to her to get on and manage to sort something out that works for the three of you as an arrangement.

You are right of course but sometimes it seems like you can’t help it. He is probably able to push the right buttons and that is why. It is really bad arguing over such a topic because it will demonstrate, disabling any case you have. It is like shouting at the judge I guess. The one doing the shouting is usually the one who will be told to sit down and calm down. If he shouts first you could walk away immediately rather than accept it. Perhaps in the future it would be better to have a third party to consult with. You have my sympathies because the two of you need to be parents always for the sake of your daughter but maybe interaction of this kind are a bad idea. Maybe, just listen once to what he has to say but don’t comment? If anything needs to be changed though has to be your consideration as well. Another party is better perhaps to act as a sounding board, someone you trust. If you feel comfortable with it people on mylot might be able to give responses but ultimately it is your decision how you want to raise your daughter. Just having parents arguing even if she is not present will be a stumbling block for her.

I am a very calm person myself. But there are times when you feel the need to argue with others, and you cannot help yourself. Of course, it does not help solving the problems, but it sure makes you feel better. It happens especially when someone accuses you of something and you know he/ she is not right. But all that tension must come out somehow.

owh,, I know how you feel. It happens to many of us when some1 doubting our skills. Evryone will be mad when we think that we have done something great with all of the skills we gt, but then one person just come and say something bad about it. It will sure turn my emotional level to the highest. Hope you feel better now.