Which is more painful: To leave someone or to be the one left behind?
By Eppie2010
@Eppie2010 (509)
Philippines
June 23, 2012 10:38pm CST
This is not about relationship break-ups. I'm talking about a married couple where one of them has to leave in order to work overseas. My husband and I are both qualified to work in Singapore and can do so within the next couple of months, we just have to decide which one of us will go.
Of course we have to study our situation to also consider what's good for our kids and all other matters. I just want to have insights on people that already have experiences relating to this situation. ^_^
9 responses
@Devilova (5392)
• Indonesia
24 Jun 12
For me, its not about who is the most qualified to work in Singapore.
But more about who is qualified to stay with your both children.
The one that close enough with them and able to take care of them.
Mother who should stay and take care the children.
@Eppie2010 (509)
• Philippines
25 Jun 12
hi devilova..
Yeah I agree it's more on what's best for the kids and the whole family as well (not just me or my husband)... I also think it's best for me to be with my kids however, they are studying in a Chinese school here, my husband is a Filipino-Chinese and only he can tutor the kids with Chinese subjects, if he were to go to Singapore, we have to hire tutors for our three kids (additional expense we have to consider also), he's also the one processing scholarships with Chinese Fraternities that provide school fees discounts/support. :(
It's really a big decision for us and we only have a month to finalize our decision... Thanks for your response ^_^
@pink_passion (279)
• Philippines
15 Sep 12
I think both situations have the same impact:very painful!
In your situation, I suggest you stay with your children. I bet you are closer to your children than your husband. It's more miserable for the children if the mother leaves. Anyway, it's easier to communicate now. You can still keep in touch with your husband though tough but just think about your family's future.
@Eppie2010 (509)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
True communication is a lot more faster compared to more than 2 decades or so ago when snail mail may take up to couple of months (or more) before reaching its destination.. internet technology is heaven sent for OFWs. :)
@mizzyblue (11)
• Philippines
24 Jun 12
to leave and be left alone is one of the hardest part in one's life...but you must consider also the consequences you might encounter if you guys leave your children...I think it's best if the father leaves and the mother stay for the children..but in case that the mother is even more capable of working abroad rather than the father so the father must be left behind...anyway, we have our technologies for easy access so no need to worry guys...you can reach each other easily...
@Eppie2010 (509)
• Philippines
25 Jun 12
Hello Mizzyblue... I definitely agree, it's now easier to get in touch with our love ones abroad compared to those in the past who have to wait for months before getting mails from the local post office. Maybe I'm just used to having my husband around as we have been married for 17 years and 3 days is the longest time I've spent without him on my side. If only we could find a high-paying job locally then things would be different. :(
Thanks for your response. :)
@galloper30 (50)
• Philippines
14 Jul 12
To answer the question, I would feel more pain leaving someone behind. If only I had a grade of 1.0 in differential equations, applied statistics in finding a job, familiarized myself with the principles of economics before raising a family, I wouldn't be leaving them. Kidding aside, I hold on to the idea that I could have done better that we wouldn't be separated at all.
@Eppie2010 (509)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
Hi Galloper, sorry for the late reply... your post already made me feel good, thanks 
. Yes if there are only good opportunities here, I would not even think of going anywhere else. But my eldest is entering college soon so... 
. Yes if there are only good opportunities here, I would not even think of going anywhere else. But my eldest is entering college soon so... 
@dreamie_belle (94)
• Philippines
14 Jul 12
For me, I would prefer for the mom to stay with the kids at home and let the husband work abroad if the need arises. Mothers usually have the better knack of taking care of their children than fathers do. It may not always be the case for others, but there are no better ways to raise the kids than in a motherly way. This, to me, should be one great reason for a mother not to work abroad and leave the kids behind.
@Eppie2010 (509)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
Hi dreamie_belle 
, I also prefer to stay with the kids (they are my "barkadas") and I also agree that mothers usually (though not always the case) have a way with the kids. (There's just so many factors involved 
)
, I also prefer to stay with the kids (they are my "barkadas") and I also agree that mothers usually (though not always the case) have a way with the kids. (There's just so many factors involved )
@lovcie (116)
• Philippines
16 Jul 12
I would say that it is much difficult on the part of the person to be alone. I have experienced this wayback 2010. i have and my husband decided to get the job offered to me in singapore. at first, we were very idealistic of everything. over, being a hands-on mom, it became so hard for me. I almost gone insane and most of the time, I find myself crying. I have taken this as an adjustment period to overcome homesickness. however, it became painful and have decided to just go back and look for other opportunities.
@Eppie2010 (509)
• Philippines
6 Aug 12
Hi Lovcie.. really really appreciate your response. It's most likely that same thing would happen to me since I'm so attached with the kids. As of now we both end up not taking the job as we feel it's too soon for us (the offer came up so suddenly). I would still love to work there but I prefer to bring the whole family with me which at the moment is not financially feasible.
.. really really appreciate your response. It's most likely that same thing would happen to me since I'm so attached with the kids. As of now we both end up not taking the job as we feel it's too soon for us (the offer came up so suddenly). I would still love to work there but I prefer to bring the whole family with me which at the moment is not financially feasible.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
24 Jun 12
My wife is an OFW and in our situation, both of us are in pain. I have to be here for my kids but when they are in school the situation gets tougher since i`m alone. I check her facebook account daily and view each of her photos, previous photos and her latest too !! t drives me nuts everyday. Her situation is tough too because she`s physically tired because of work and is homesick. I think both are really in pain but it depends on how will you handle it. Hope you get along with the plans !!
@Eppie2010 (509)
• Philippines
25 Jun 12
Hi se7enthbird, really really thanks for sharing ^_^
I guess compared to OFWs way back when there were no emails, Facebook or Skype, we are better off now in communicating with our love ones abroad. Can you imagine if we're still dependent on the old postal service for communication?! that would be so depressing... You're right both of us will emotionally suffer no matter who'll be leaving or left behind, we just have to look at the bright side of life and the things that we can gain out of this experience.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
24 Jun 12
My wife is an OFW and in our situation, both of us are in pain. I have to be here for my kids but when they are in school the situation gets tougher since i`m alone. I check her facebook account daily and view each of her photos, previous photos and her latest too !! t drives me nuts everyday. Her situation is tough too because she`s physically tired because of work and is homesick. I think both are really in pain but it depends on how will you handle it. Hope you get along with the plans !!
@mecringles (11)
• Philippines
24 Jun 12
ohh. that's a difficult decision. my boyfriend and i have already thought about that. even we're still studying, we have thought about having to go abroad and leave either of us. but we just planned to be together abroad. Having a long distance relationship is difficult. Since both of you are qualified to go to Singapore, why not start a new living there with your 2 kids. It may sound difficult but it is for the good rather than leaving you kids to someone else.
@Eppie2010 (509)
• Philippines
25 Jun 12
Hi mecringles thanks for sharing your experience..
Clearly sacrifices has to made if we want to have a good and secured future. I really,really, really wanted for the whole family to just pack our things and go there. The job offer came a bit too late, the kids were already enrolled and everything and financially we can't afford it at the moment. :(
