What would you feel if your EX tells you that he/she is getting married?
By niairen01
@niairen01 (1018)
Philippines
June 25, 2012 7:55pm CST
Okay, I know everyone has a different "EXs" situations. But let just say that you were in my situation.
This happened long, long time ago, and just feel like sharing, since it might be an interesting topic. Me and my ex have been together for like 4 years during college. We were the "ideal couple", un-separable and most people who knows us "THINKS" we'll end up marrying each other in the end.
But yes, it didn't end the way they thought it will and to make my story short, we got separated, he went to the States, long distance relationships and then everything was in chaos. One day, he called me up telling me he wanted to break up without giving me any reason at all. He broke my heart so badly that I isolated myself from my friends for a year, jobless and really torned into pieces. Well, yes there was a 3rd party involved.
I've been so depressed for like 2 years (tried contacting him, still hoping but he gave me a super clean break) and in the 3rd year I started to pick myself up and forget everything. While this was happening, he suddenly called me and told me that he was getting married. (I'm still not over him that time but all I felt was hatred and not love)
What I told him shocked me. I told him "What do you want me to do? Congratulate you or cry and beg you not to go through it?" He was taken a back. and told me that he called because he keeps on remembering me and hoping that a call would help him go through his confused mind. Then I told him how sorry I am... not for him.. not for him feeling that way but I feel terribly sorry for his fiance for agreeing to marry a loser like him. After telling him that I hung up.
Right now, I have my own family and very happy. God is really good. And looking back, the only regret that I have is that I shouldn't have wasted those 2 years being depressed and isolated. And to tell you honestly, that ex of mine is still keeping in touch with me, although I really don't pay him much attention. My life is in order now... but I really can't help being sorry for his wife.
1 person likes this
13 responses
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
26 Jun 12
I sounds like you are really mad 
relax dear, just be happy for the both of them. i mean if you are really fine about it then positive aura will be there. I know that what happened to you is really tough but you know just be happy that God make you stronger and he does separates you to him because you deserve much better than him. BUT, that will not be a reason for you to feel sorry for his wife, I mean she`s not the issue, your ex is. Maybe they are really meant to be.
Like what i have read "If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate"
BE HAPPY AND GOOD LUCK !! 
relax dear, just be happy for the both of them. i mean if you are really fine about it then positive aura will be there. I know that what happened to you is really tough but you know just be happy that God make you stronger and he does separates you to him because you deserve much better than him. BUT, that will not be a reason for you to feel sorry for his wife, I mean she`s not the issue, your ex is. Maybe they are really meant to be.
Like what i have read "If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate"
BE HAPPY AND GOOD LUCK !! 
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
That`s his problem, not yours. And like what i have said, you are lucky that God separated the both of you. You deserve a better person than him. Maybe he still have feelings for you and same as you, that was quite unfair to his fiance. Or maybe we both misunderstood his phrase. Boys will be boys, i guess. Some people just forgive but never forget. And that attitude is not easy to deal with. Memories will be the one who will hunt you in the future
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
1 Jul 12
I agree, and I decide to keep that memory in tact, since I've learned so much from that. ^__^
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
27 Jun 12
I "WAS" mad. Hmm... maybe as I go along remembering everything perhaps I did channel that hatred too. But that was all in the past.
Look, I can't feel happy for their relationship and me being sorry for his wife is only because my ex is obviously wanting to get back to me that time. Why the heck would he call me and tell me that "He still remembers me most of the time" when he should be happy with his fiance? Maybe I would feel a bit more okay if he told me, "I want you to be on my wedding and could we at least save our friendship?" It's been like 3 yrs already!!
I don't feel sorry for his wife because I'm bitter and thought that I deserve my ex better! (OMG! Why would I think that??? After what he did!) I feel sorry for his wife because until to date my ex is trying to get back to me and that's really, really awful isn't it? Wouldn't you feel sorry about that?
Honestly, I still hate my ex because he is still a sore loser.
@marissasun (11)
• China
26 Jun 12
it's really a pity one can not marry with the first love.thank god you have a happy life now.
sometimes i always think two questions.why people can change a lot facing reality?
how can we be happy in marrige?
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
26 Jun 12
Answer is (based on my experience) Marry the person not only because you love the person, but also that person love you. Marry someone whom you think you can stand to be your companion (not lover) for the rest of your life and lastly, be contented.
@StephanieAnnC (4274)
• United States
26 Jun 12
Agreed. Pretty much marry for the right reasons. Not for money or you think it's the right time to get married. Do it because you want to do it for yourself and that you're in love.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
26 Jun 12
I think that it depends on whether you still had feelings for that person or not. I have a couple of ex partners, and there are some of them that it wouldn't bother me whether they got married or not, and then there is one that I still have feelings for, and there is no way that I would be able to be happy for him because of this. I would probably be too jealous to say anything to them and have to avoid them for the rest of my life. I am with someone now and I am happy, but that doesn't mean that all of the feelings from the past will just go away.
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
27 Jun 12
Yes, that's true on my part too. Although I don't feel anything about my ex, I honestly still hate him that much. My friends say that I'm just bitter, but to tell you the truth... I forgave him already and more importantly I forgave myself too, and thats what's important.
I guess the saying "women forgives but never forgets" is quite true for me! LOL! ^__^
@shello (964)
• United Arab Emirates
26 Jun 12
Well, it would be nothing at all. After all everything is over and you've moved on. Past is past.
Everything always happened for a reason. If you were his wife now then you will feel sorry for yourself too just like how you feel for her wife. You've got to consider it as a blessing in disguise. Cheers!
@StephanieAnnC (4274)
• United States
26 Jun 12
I totally understand! I had a similar situation with my ex. He was my first and I thought the world of him. It was sudden for me as well. Just told me his feelings changed and didnt love me anymore. I was broken. I was a mess, just like you. For about a year, I didnt feel myself at all. I cried most nights, asking God to help.
And He did. He so did. He led me to my current boyfriend and we are planning on getting married hopefully within the next 2 years. Inthe happiest I've ever been and have moved on.
I'm glad to hear you have too. 
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
27 Jun 12
I'm glad we both did. ^__^ as my favorite saying goes.. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and that is TOTALLY true!!
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
26 Jun 12
When my ex-boyfriend called me and told that he is getting married I am very ahppy for him. He is my boyfriend during my college days and the relationship lasted for 5 years but because of cheating incident I broke up with him. Like you thought that were meant to each other because I thought every was perfect. But when I started working after graduation everything has been changed and lots of problem came through and cant handle it anyone. Before he get married he called me and asked me if I still loved him and he wanted me back but I told him that I am with someone else and very happy which is my husband now. I am happy for him because he took many girls and years before he found her wife, while me I found only one man in 2 years that makes me happy and contented.
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
27 Jun 12
Every situation differs. I'm glad you had a clean break up with him, and thus you easily moved on because you knew what went wrong. Everything happens for a reason, this is what i've learned with my experience. Like you, I'm happy married now with 2 kids.
thanks for the response! ^__^
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
26 Jun 12
I congratulate you for having your senses back on track. I guess it might took you some time but you realized in the end that he was not for you and someone is really for you. I think that is such a relief that if you have ended with each other you could be in deeper trouble right now. I think you said it right and I guess he is paying for the choices he made while you earned your lesson from the past.
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
26 Jun 12
Thanks. ^__^ Yes, I was wondering about the same thing. I'll bet my life would be all messed up if I ended up with him. I'm also glad that my husband, took notice of me and thought I am beautiful and made me his wife. LOL! ^__^
@asliah (11137)
• Philippines
12 Oct 12
hi,
if that will happen to me that my ex partner will tell to me that he will getting married,of course i will feel sad and happy,sad because a guy that i had before will be in permanent relationship now and happy because he found his forever lifetime partner in his life that will take care of him,actually i still love or i still have feeling to my ex until now.
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
26 Jun 12
Amen! 
It's not the most-peaceful way of thinking about it, but relationships like you're describing aren't spiritual; they're blood-pumping, flabby, human body things 
That's why Christians "hafta" believe that "Hell" is some fire-and-pointy-things dungeon. Really, it's just as heavenly (for the people there) as Heaven is for those Christians; and their Heaven looks just like 'Hell' to the people in that other 'Heaven' (which would be Hell for the Christians.)
Really, Heaven, Hell, Purgatory etc. are just states-of-mind ... I think of Mimi Rogers' character in The Rapture: at the end of the movie, she was left in the desert just outside of Heaven. I can imagine that--if she had just set back to be satisfied that God would take car of her--she'd be just as happy outside Heaven as she would've been inside!
If you need to think your ex and his new spouse are having a terrible time (though I don't know why you have to think about it at all), you go & do that. Did he even invite you to the wedding?
It's not the most-peaceful way of thinking about it, but relationships like you're describing aren't spiritual; they're blood-pumping, flabby, human body things
That's why Christians "hafta" believe that "Hell" is some fire-and-pointy-things dungeon. Really, it's just as heavenly (for the people there) as Heaven is for those Christians; and their Heaven looks just like 'Hell' to the people in that other 'Heaven' (which would be Hell for the Christians.)
Really, Heaven, Hell, Purgatory etc. are just states-of-mind ... I think of Mimi Rogers' character in The Rapture: at the end of the movie, she was left in the desert just outside of Heaven. I can imagine that--if she had just set back to be satisfied that God would take car of her--she'd be just as happy outside Heaven as she would've been inside!
If you need to think your ex and his new spouse are having a terrible time (though I don't know why you have to think about it at all), you go & do that. Did he even invite you to the wedding?
@512771751 (1096)
• China
27 Jun 12
Especially for girls,EXs are always have an important affection on them. And now the most important things to you are your families. My EX hurt me so much, until now I really don't want to say a word to him. Also because of him, I know what kind of lover I want.
Wish you happy.
@DarkSonic (64)
• United States
26 Jun 12
I wouldn't feel anything at all..she has given me too much pain on the day of break-up..She told me she was gonna kill herself because no one cared for her, no one loved her, and no one can help her. I was there for her all the time, and I even put up with her shizz. She broke up with me after I explained not to kill herself and how much it would affect her family and friends, especially me. -.- I figured out a couple of days later that it was only a lie to break up with me because she liked someone else. :l It hurt a lot, I felt like a sharp needle was being placed in the middle in my heart. :'( I was depressed for many months, I was very rude to people who talked to me, even my friends..I insulted anyone who got in my way. I beat up anyone who tried to lay a finger on me. It changed who I was, but I recovered a couple of months later by listening to my favorite artist's songs, Crush 40. ^-^ His songs really inspire me, and if he weren't an artist, I would remain the same forever. I would be the darkest of the dark, I would be forever alone, I would have no one. Good to know that your life is better than it was in the past. (: You didn't deserve to get your heart broken by that guy. He gave you no reason and that ain't fair..I think he should've thought clearly before breaking up with you.
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
26 Jun 12
Whatever is happening with his life right now, he deserves it. The last time we talked he asked me about how was I able to have a happy life ( I already have a family that time ), I told him only this... "Maybe because I deserve to have one."
I always wondered why there are people like them who do that sort of things with others. KNowing that it would hurt their feelings. Okay, given that they didn't mean to fall in love with another person, but your partner at least deserve and honest reason why.
@Gautam1002 (730)
• India
26 Jun 12
Felt quite touched reading your experience. Your response I feel is quite obvious on your part so is his and as what I have learned from my life accounts. I broke up with my first girlfriend,but now,after 3 yrs, I still feel I possess feelings for her. I wish to contact her..but unfortunately I am denied much the same way you remain least interested in your EX's activities. She is happy with her ongoing relationship(at least she shows it to me) and always avoids me. As far as I am concerned, I feel she was my first love and the best person who knows me perfectly. Seeing her happy with her boyfriend and remembering what I did to her..I want her to remain happy in whatever ways she wants to, but somewhere at the back of my mind..I want to repropose her and want to ask her to provide me the priviledge of spending my remaining life with my first love...
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
27 Jun 12
Sometimes what we always want isn't the right thing for us. This is what I've learned through my experience. And we must learn to accept so that we can move on. Everything is planned and everything has a reason.
We may never know if you and your ex might get back together... or not. I know you're moving on, just do your best! Good luck!
@Danniella1110 (106)
•
20 Jul 12
Oh my gosh I have so much respect for you . This is incredible for you to be able to stand up to him and tell him off. He obviously needs serious help, for him to have a third party involved and act so immature whilst he is about to get married. No surprise because you sound like a fantastic human being such a loser thing to do, letting someone good go. In my mind you made the right choice, because as much as I am a fan of true love and sappy stuff, I want to believe in fairness as well. His fiancee does not deserve someone like him. She as much as the next person deserves the truth. So if he were a good man in his heart, he would have ended things with her first THEN pursue you. Like eventhough I want Allie and Noah to end up together in the Notebook, Allie should have ended things with the other guy she was engaged to, he didnt deserve it. After that yes Allie and Noah with my blessing live happily ever after.
I know you regret those 2 years but I guess theres only the future to look to. As they say, suffering builds character.
I dont know if it were the right decision to tell his wife news of this. If you were close friends with her of course somewhat have the right to. Since you rather close to God I find that prayers do wonders, pray that the wife is shown the truth about this man. Hope all works out ! All the best you brave person!
