It may soon be back to the way it was in my our house here
By bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50973)
Holiday, Florida
June 27, 2012 6:02pm CST
may soon be just me and son and coconut. the finances may be a little harder to get used to but the peace and quiet may be worth the struggle
Since my youngest son moved in, hes went down hill with drinking and some drugs. Iam beginning to realise that a bit at a time from him being around the other one, daughters bf. Last night was awful. He was out in the garage with C. and they were obviously drinking. started makeing a lot of big noise. I ask them to tone it down around 12am. they said ok. and did for a little while. about 1 am they got loud again. I said gettin' loud again and they toned it down. till after oldest got up and left for work around 2:30 am. then, at 3am, my youngest is in the kitchen making an awful rowl fixing food. I went in there and asked him to please clean up, wipe up the mess he was making on the stove. and he cussed me out something awful
today i wrote him a letter about how unfair it is to be making my life miserable after all ive helped him with. I told him, id pay him back his rent if he would leave and go to a shelter or he better get some help with his drinking, etc. So he may be out on his ear if he dont straighten up. as for the daughter and C. i have another discussion about that. this one is already to long. Dont you think if someone is going down the tube and killing themselves even if you love them, you dont need to go with them? even if its one of your children and you'd give your life to save them? 
Since my youngest son moved in, hes went down hill with drinking and some drugs. Iam beginning to realise that a bit at a time from him being around the other one, daughters bf. Last night was awful. He was out in the garage with C. and they were obviously drinking. started makeing a lot of big noise. I ask them to tone it down around 12am. they said ok. and did for a little while. about 1 am they got loud again. I said gettin' loud again and they toned it down. till after oldest got up and left for work around 2:30 am. then, at 3am, my youngest is in the kitchen making an awful rowl fixing food. I went in there and asked him to please clean up, wipe up the mess he was making on the stove. and he cussed me out something awful today i wrote him a letter about how unfair it is to be making my life miserable after all ive helped him with. I told him, id pay him back his rent if he would leave and go to a shelter or he better get some help with his drinking, etc. So he may be out on his ear if he dont straighten up. as for the daughter and C. i have another discussion about that. this one is already to long. Dont you think if someone is going down the tube and killing themselves even if you love them, you dont need to go with them? even if its one of your children and you'd give your life to save them? 5 people like this
10 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
28 Jun 12
Yes you don't have to have them around not when the are adults that is for sure. I would say get therapy for him but if he is like most people, he will not go willingly and it would have to be court ordered.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
28 Jun 12
call a social worker you may find one at the hospital, see if there is a legal advice group in your area, or call a rehab center for ways you can proceed.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jun 12
thats an idea. i wonder if there is some way to do that with an adult kid.
@celticeagle (166911)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Jun 12
I think that we raise our children and try to instill in them some basic things and that is all we can do. Tough love is hard but we have to have something left for us. We can only do so much for our kids. When they are of age they need to be responsible for themselves. I about came unglued when my granddaughter came back here to live. Luckily housing would have none of it and she was out. I feel bad thinking about it sometimes but am glad she isn't here. It was awful when she was. We as parents have to set up some rules and boundaries and stick by them. What we can handle is just what it is. ANd if kids can't be respectful then need to go elsewhere so we can have some simblance of a life. It isn't easy.
@celticeagle (166911)
• Boise, Idaho
19 Jul 12
But living off you and just tuning you out is so much easier.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jun 12
yes this time living with the youngest ones has been unbearable almost. i will be so glad when they get tired enough of the rules and lectures to move on their own again.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
28 Jun 12
I would have ejected him the minute he cussed me out! I don't put up with crap like that from my kids and you shouldn't, either, no matter what condition they are in. Throw him out. Don't pay back his rent, don't help him move, just put his stuff outside and change the locks. There's no reason you should have to put up with crap like that.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jun 12
i really wish i was strong enough emotionally to do that. all tho it may come to that if no other way to straighten him out.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
29 Jun 12
Hi bun! Sorry to hear that things have gotten to that point. I would
have to say that in this case it is time for some "tough love" and you
have to do what is best for you and the family. The "problem" isn't
going to get better on it's own. Unfortunately, if your son doesn't
want to get the help he needs (and it sounds like he really does need
help) then you have to talk the necessary steps (like putting him out)
for your own sake as well as his! I wasn't too happy when I first
went to Rehab and was there because I had no choice because of my
issues with Social Services. But, when I decided to "let it work"
it turned out to be one of the best things I ever did for myself. But,
again, if you don't want the help, it isn't going to work! I think
that you have gone above and beyond with your kids and enabling their
behavior is just not the answer. You don't need the aggravation. It
isn't good for your own health issues either. Take care of YOU and
do what you need to do, whatever that might be!
Leslie
Leslie
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
7 Jul 12
I dont have kids but I guess there are tough situations like this one sometimes in life when you got to put your foot down and say thats it I am not putting up with this noise and dtugs and drinking any more so would you please get out and get into a shelter.
It will sure not be easy for you to pull this through but if he doesnt even show the least consideration with behaviour like this at 3 am then he really should move out to wherever.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Jul 12
yes, i think its time for tough love. ive worked with these 2 youngest about all i can hanle and im getting to old for this stuff!
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
28 Jun 12
Sounds almost as bad as my house. But completely disrespectful as seems they don't help. I mean in this house its partial my parents getting drunk every weekend, and being loud then my younger brother attitude and my sisters spoiled way. My siblings make messes then see no point in cleaning it up. I'm trying to save to move and be out of here with all the stress. I think you did the right thing to put it in writing, and if he isn't being respectful or helping out then he has no part in being there.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jun 12
i know. my oldest just had a talk with him again and hopefully it will stick for a while. from past experience it hasnt. for long but maybe this time longer?
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
28 Jun 12
Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. They obviously don't care or they would have toned it down and would help when needed. I think you will enjoy the peace.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jun 12
i sure will when it gets straightened out. im going to have my oldest have a talk with them again and it will tone down for a while. but im about at my ropes end. 
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
28 Jun 12
Putting him out the door may be the only way to save him. I hope he gets some help. You guys cannot go on living like this.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jun 12
absolutely. ive tried to get that across so maybe this time it will work.
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
I will do the same way you did. You have the right to as respect it is your house and he is only your son. If they can't deal with the house rules they can get out no one will stop them. It is sad because we love them but how they will learn to stand on their own when we are always around them to help.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jun 12
exactly and i feel like an inabler. thats what they call someone that cant use tough love. im surely one that cant seem to manage that. 
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
that must be one of the hardest thing maybe to see your kids destroying their own lives..and i do not want to see them that way too... and yes maybe i would risk all my life for them.
