It breaks my heart but maybe for the best

No matter how you view your ex, your daughter's father, and no matter if he supported her or not...if she wants a relationship to try to mend bridges, it's better to be attempted while he's living than when he's gone. It really doesn't matter whether it works out well for her either. What's important is that she won't live with regrets, what-ifs and doubts when he's gone. Maybe she can take C and your younger son with her? Enjoy the revenge, but maybe don't gloat (at least in front of the kids). The rest of us here will enjoy it!

Personally if my father up and left or lost contacted I'd tell him to bend over and shove it. Shows what his priorities were and are not here. But she could just want to know the unknown. But be a little vacation for you indeed. I hope you enjoy it and he gets some of the stress but it will never add up to what you've had.

I am not a person who believes in revenge. I want only the best for the people I know. My son has not seen his dad since he was 3 years old. If he wanted to go visit I would miss him but I would be confident that he would come home because I know my son and the two of them would not get along. My x was not a bad man just a sick man. My son has had some humdinger girlfriend's that have made my life miserable but I don't wish ill on them either. I am just glad I don't have to deal with them anymore.

BLESS YOUR HEART, THEY WANT GIVE U A BREAK, WILL THEY?yOUR GROWN KIDS CAN DRIVE U NUTS. i WAS FOOLISH ENOUGH TO BELIEVE WHEN I GOT MINE GROWN THAT THINGS WOULD EASE UP BUT I THINK IT'S WORSE WHEN THEY GET GROWN. wHEN THEY ARE LITTLE THEY STEP ON YOUR TOES BUT WHEN THEY ARE GROWN THEY STEP ON YOUR HEART.I can't believe your daughter is going to rush to her dad like thaT. GRASS MAKE LOOK GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE BUT I BET SHE WILL FIND OUT THE HARD WAY, IT'S NOT. wHEN SHE WANTS to come back to your house i hope u will tell her no. I think your kids have put u through enough misery lately & u need a break. As for the son that cussed u etc. his butte needs to be put out the door. No mother deserves to be talked to like that if she has done all for them that u have. I hate being around a drunk to start with but don't think i could stand it if my son was doing that.My youngest has cussed me once a couple of years ago & it broke my heart. I will never forgive him for doing it either. He doesn't know that but i want. I don't dwell on it or ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUT IT'S NEVER FAR FROM MY MEMORY. Wish u some peace & quiet & contentment.

Well, it is a shame that her father was not really in her life much. But if she feels the need to go see him and stay with him, let her go. It might be a good thing for father and daughter. As for the boy friend, well, either he will drive your ex crazy or your ex would make her boyfriend look bad. Either way you get some payback. And if that happens, you could concentrate on your son. Maybe you will have some time to help him with his problem, stress free.

Bunnybon7, all I can say is that I have empathy for you (being frustrated) because you have been carrying the burden of caring for your child basically by yourself. Despite that reality, it is good of you to allow him to see his child. Never mind the 'private' thought of revenge, but your decision to allow him access to his child is indeed the better of the two alternatives, as if the second alternative (of denying him of access to the child), over time, could 'spell trouble' for the child's overall development! Therefore, I agree with you that despite the lack of support, and your child's father's medical woes, allowing your child to bond with him was a wise decision.

She will do what she wants and maybe get some answers before it is too late. I am sure it will be nice to get rid of C. He sounds like a real winner.

It may be a graceful way for her to exit the current situation. It cannot be fun for her to have C in conflict with you and partying with the youngest all the time. Maybe somewhere between your house and W. Virginia she will lose the loser.

How strange. I thought your daughter wanted to be with you to help you out? This old bloke has done nothing for her or shown that he wants to know her so why does she want to know him and help him? At least that ratbag boyfriend of hers will be going too. I hope it all works out just as you want it to. It will be just heavenly to have him gone even if it's just for a little while.

I'm glad she's going. I think it's important for some kind of closure. I'm kind of seeing this situation with some of my loved ones. The daughters have been estranged from the father and the father is dying. I think it's important for them to go see them. Maybe your daughter will realize what she had in you, and maybe he'll realize what he really gave up when he made his choices. And maybe C will just have a miserable time and run off. That would be good, right?

Hey bun! This might just be the answer to your prayers! Let her go! You will finally have the peace that you so deserve! Let her find out the hard way. She will realize how good she had it living with you. It's way past time that she takes that "worthless bf" and get out of your house already! You've put up with them long enough! I would give her your blessing and help her out the door!

Daughters are usually sympathetic to their father. It is a natural feelings. I have only daughter and I feel her affection towards me. May be your husband is not so much responsible father. But he is your daughter's dad. How she can forget that !

oh dear bunnybon thats sure not easy for you. My parents were divorced too and my father had to pay support for me and my mother in these good old days, no biggie to him financially as he was a doctor and earned enough. I never was close to him as he constantly talked bad about my mother during these hated First-Sunday-of-the-month-visits I was forced to by the court but yet I made efforts to get to know him better and my mother was pissed when I decided with 25 years old (!!!!!) it would be my first Christmas Eve with my father as I had never been there for Christmas Eve before.

Fully understand your point of view. I do agree with previous people's comments as well that you shouldn't be "wanting" revenge, even though he did leave you and your family, but you should see what happens when your daughter goes to see him. It's very hard for children to grow up without both of their parents, so maybe this is for the best and maybe something will happen and everybody will be brought back together. I'm not saying that if something does happen to get back into a relationship, but definitely back in contact for regular father/daughter visits for sure. (: Just give them a chance and see what happens, you never know. If something bad happens, you just gotta roll with the punches and make the best of a bad situation. I wish your family the best of luck during this hard time. (:

hi forgive me for laughing as I realize your ex is ill but still good comeuppance, let C drive him crazy for awhile. really why does your intelligent daughter not see C for what he really is?I guess its only right she see her dad b ut I hope she remembers who has always been there for here and its sure not been her dad.Yes you do deserve a little payback time loll