...Sometimes, I feel like a marriage counselor
By jeanneyvonne
@jeanneyvonne (5501)
Philippines
June 28, 2012 10:59pm CST
One of my friends has recently married and whenever we meet on social occasion, she always pull me aside and try to ask me for advice. Of course, I am more than happy to help my friend in one way or another but she often ask advice regarding her marriage. As much as possible, I wish to give her advice but I don’t think I am the best person to dispense it because I am not a married person myself. I think that I am not qualified to give advice on such perusal and sensitive matters. Although I try to give credit to her husband who I barely know, my growing problem is my friend herself because she loves the guy so much. I think sometimes she just do something based o her emotions.
Should I continue giving her advice? I do not want to make any problems in their marriage because of something that I said….
7 responses
@mariakelly42 (54)
•
29 Jun 12
I think giving advice to your friend is good, but sometimes you have to let her learn things on her own too. If she's becoming dependent on you for advice, then that's not a good idea already.
@jeanneyvonne (5501)
• Philippines
1 Jul 12
That is a good point but I do not think she only relies me for advice, I also like to think that she also reaches out for her mother on these kind of things. They have much more in common than my friend and I, of course I always remind her e that I am just a third party and she can take ay of my advice if she feels it is applicable to her situation.
@jeanneyvonne (5501)
• Philippines
5 Jul 12
Well, I can only assume. I do hope i am some sort of use and help to her.
@mariakelly42 (54)
•
4 Jul 12
Then I guess she just really wants to know what you can or have to say about the situation then! She's lucky to have a friend like you, you know that?
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
1 Jul 12
Hi friend, good to hear that you are giving advice to her friend for her problem. There is nothing wrong in giving suggestion even though you are not married, but experienced persons will give very apt suggestion. You can continue your activities if she is benefited with it as well as asking suggestions from you.
@jeanneyvonne (5501)
• Philippines
5 Jul 12
Thanks. I thought as much. Thanks you for sharing your opinion on this matter. It helped a lot In relieving some of things in my mind.
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
Well as long as the advise you tell her are all logical, fair and rational then i guess there is nothing wrong about it too jean, but if you think you do not have anything else to share more, or you find yourself inexperienced about it then i guess you can also tell her you think you are not the right person to say such advise...
maybe your friend needs to relax as sometimes emotions do really gets in the way.
@jeanneyvonne (5501)
• Philippines
1 Jul 12
I do try to tell her that my opinion is just an opinion. But she insists on my opinion which I think is not exactly always applicable. But I am trying to restrain myself form updating the situations because it might translate a s pressure and I guess she has enough to worry about without me nosing around. I also think that she feels too much and she needs to think about the bigger picture. I like that she loves her husband but I also think she might go overboard with her feelings.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
30 Jun 12
It would certainly help if you've been through marriage to give counsel but I don't think that's one of the requirements that would make a person a good marriage counselor. A single person would be able to give some good insights and objective advice because the advise would be based on logic. In your case, you can continue to give advise and I see nothing wrong with it not unless you tell her to do bad things 
. There are people who appears to be asking for advice but the truth is their not, they're sharing only sharing their story and you appear to someone whose there for her to listen.
. There are people who appears to be asking for advice but the truth is their not, they're sharing only sharing their story and you appear to someone whose there for her to listen.@jeanneyvonne (5501)
• Philippines
1 Jul 12
Well, in the situation she is really asking for advice and all I can do is some steps that might help her. Of course, all things that I keep advising here is drawn from logic and assumptions since I am not really part of their marriage and all my information is reliant on what she tells me. I do hear her side of the story and I imagine what her husband feels like and I try to relay her that. Of course I might be missing a few points (he’s a guy, I’m a girl – it a universe apart) but I think I always tell her that she should always consider her husband’s feelings and she should always talk to her mother if things really are very serious.
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
29 Jun 12
Stop giving her advises , you can have problems with your friend, and at the end she will be very happy and close to her husband. You just have to listen to her and give her your personal oppinion and make her clear that she doesnt have to follow your thinking , she should decide herself and live her own experience , or if she has serious problems she should look for a professional help. Be happy and dont get in trouble .
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
29 Jun 12
It is often good to give sound friendly advice to a friend, irrespective of the type of situation that your friend may be experiencing at the time when your advice is requested. Depending on the situation, your friendly counsel is well received.
In your case, it is commendable of you to critically analyze the situation and your competences. I trust that your friend will listen to you, should you suggest that she should perhaps, visit a marriage counsellor. Therefore, I support your arguments, whereby you my be inclined to suggest that she make an appointment to seek professional help, as you genuinely do not want to be responsible (and correctly so) for making the relational issues worse.
From indications, Jeaneyvonne, I think you are a good friend to have, and your friend -I think- knows it.
@surveygeeek (189)
• United States
5 Jul 12
I don't think there's anything wrong with giving advice, as long as you're careful to make sure she knows it's just your opinion, and never absolute truth. But I can understand how it could be frustrating when you're just trying to hang out and be social and one person monopolizes your time and energy to ask you a million personal questions. Maybe you could try telling your friend (gently) that you need a little break in this department? If she's a real friend, she'll understand.
