My MOM...

@ryanong (9665)
Vietnam
July 1, 2012 10:23pm CST
I know my mom worries for me since only me haven't got married yet. When i was in hometown last week, she repeated many times that she worries for me and hope i get married soon. In fact, if she told like that only 1-2 times i would be ok, but she told too many times then i told her that i am tired with it. If she talks about it too much, i will leave Vietnam and won't be back more. I saw she is sad when hear it. She told me that she just worries for me only. I understand it, for sure, but i am headache and not comfortable when hearing she asks me to get married soon. She didn't mention about it after that..i think she scared that i may do as what i told...
3 people like this
8 responses
BabyCheetah
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
2 Jul 12
Well you can hardly get married if you don't have someone you love and want to marry. And on top of that you don't have to get married if you don't want to. My mum was never married and she is just fine and happy this way. I'm not married either. You do whatever makes you happy if you are not interested in marriage just tell her and maybe she will stop bugging you about it. The more she says it the less likely you are to do it anyway :)
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
2 Jul 12
Ya i know many guys don't get married but they live together and have kids. But in here is asian culture, we may not do like that. I still prefer to get married and have kids later. Currently i have no mood to get married yet, i will do married but not this moment. I really don't want to make her sad, but i can't get married because of making her pleasure. i do marry when i want only...
BabyCheetah
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
2 Jul 12
Yeah that's what I meant. I can understand your mums view but you can't get married until you are happy to do so. It's always your choice if you would like to get married then that's fine but I was worried you might do it to make mum happy and not yourself. When you are ready you will know :)
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
2 Jul 12
Well, sometime my mom told me that...my dad still worried about it before he passed away...i feel sad about it...but i can't just do marry to make them happy only, it is my life and i live with a husband, not them...so that they maybe happy when seeing i get married, but my life later, i am a person who takes responsibility about it, not them... i feel i am not a good daughter, but i have no choice, i still do marry when i want only.
lampar
@lampar (7584)
• United States
2 Jul 12
She even worry about you just because you haven't got marry yet, hihi... she probably is getting way too old that has too much free time in her hand to worry about every little thing in her daughter's life. Soon or later her daughter is going to get marry if the right man come along, there is really nothing to feel anxious about and need to worry at all, she need to know it is a marriage not some type of ping pong or wrestling matches you can hurry to make it happen. It is always better to take your time; pick the right one and making the right choice than decide hastily just for the sake of getting yourself a hubby and begin to produce baby. If she doesn't stop worry uncessarily, then you should make good your threat n leave Vietnam so that she can live by herself, then she will understand it is unwise to interfere in her daughter personal marriage decision, and will realize your marriage is not some kind of matches where a certain time limit can be placed upon it and a date can be set up to get over with by her like the old traditional and cultural way most Vietnamese women had experienced. It is 2012, she need to let you have all the freedom to decide for yourself and have some confidence in you ability to choose instead of pestering you all the time. It is getting very irritating for a mother to do that to her own daughter.
lampar
@lampar (7584)
• United States
2 Jul 12
First of all, you need to explain to your aging mom that you are not a countryside girl, you have a mind of your own and is clever enough to make up your own mind who and when to get marry, you don't like to be pressured into marry someone for the sake of marriage or having to marry just to please your and her growing age. There is really nothing for her to worry even if her daughter is not marry at the age of 40 or 50, it is not the age that decide when you should get marry or not, it is a true love relationship that exist that decide when you are going to get marry or not get marry. Only after she can understand that, then you can go further into the detail of why you don't want to get marry soon and lead her into the right mind set and clear direction, sometime the generation gap between you and your mom can hinder her thought, you need to remind her it is a modern age where women shouldn't be judged by whether she is married or single, but base on her ability and braininess. I think your mom is still having the same old and antiquated Vietnamese mentality and cultural baggage that assume women responsibility is to find a hubby quickly and become a housewife and produce baby for him like her time, 18 years old is too young to be married no matter what she say, if she insist you to get marry with your selfish boy friend, then you should tell her to marry him herself instead, that will solve your problem once and for all.
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
4 Jul 12
Thank you so much Lampar. You are right, my mom still has the same old and antiquated Vietnamese mentality and cultural baggage, that's why it is difficult to persuade her understand. Well, i just leave it there and live far away from her...when i don't want to get a pressure of getting married from her. I really don't want to make her sad, but she has no right reason to worry about it at all.
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
2 Jul 12
Ya, she has much free time now since she lives alone in my hometown..that's why she thinks a lots about many things... Well, i can understand moms are always like that. In here gals may get married when they are 18 in countryside, that's why she does want me get married and have kids too. I really don't like it, why i have to do marry when i haven't wanted it yet? She told me about a woman who got married when she is 18 and now her kids are 10 already. I asked her back, and then what is the next? living at home and care kids and husband in countryside? I am not that gal type, i can't live in countryside for long long time and never go out of a province. i know what i want..that's why i told her like that...she used to get an experience when i lived in Korea for long time, i made a phone call to her every month, if i forgot to call her, she just did wait my phone call only...
Morning Girl
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
6 Jul 12
Do you have someone to tie the knot with anyway? If none then you certainly can't do but your Mom must be just concerned and would not want you to end up alone all your life. Just be patient with her. Always think that what a parent wants is nothing but the good of his/her child. So don't take it negatively but be thankful you have a Mom who is still alive and caring for you. One day soon when she is gone, you will surely miss her.
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
6 Jul 12
The problem is i am still young, not old yet...but she does worry for nothing, i think..i really don't like it..but i don't want to have a fight with her because she worries for me, i just ignore it and try to live far away from her talk... Ya, i know all asian moms do care their daughter like that....but sometime it brings pressure to me..i really don't like it...
mtrguanlao
@mtrguanlao (5522)
• Philippines
2 Jul 12
Your mom only wants the best for you ryanong,every mom does. She just wants to make you happy,that's why. Sometimes when we get old(moms) we wanted to see our kids happy before we pass away. I do understand how you feel too. It's hard to push yourself from marrying a person you do not fully love. Just always put in mind that your mom loves you that's why she always asks you that. And when you finally get to settle,your mom is the first person to feel happy for you.
mtrguanlao
@mtrguanlao (5522)
• Philippines
2 Jul 12
Just tell your mom how you feel about what she asks of you,I'm sure she will understand you. It is just important to us moms,that our kids listens to us and have thought about what we want for them and it's for you to decide whether to follow it or not but just tell her your thoughts about it. Tell her you also want to get married but it's not yet the right time for you since you haven't met your lifetime partner to be.
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
2 Jul 12
I know, mtrguanlao. I totally understand it... Well, what should i do...i like to get married also, but it is not right time yet, i may do it later...
1 person likes this
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
2 Jul 12
I told her many times about it but she still worries....hix...in countryside, gals get married when they are 18, that's why she does worry for me too much...but i don't live in countryside..
verolop29
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
2 Jul 12
i understand what ur saying and i know ur wanting to pull our ur hair whenever u hear her say that m word. when i was in my teens and even before then, i had a good head on my sholders and therefore rarely made mistakes. now as an older adult-im 30-i find myself making many mstakes and it makes my husband very angry. but all in all, u should put urself in ur mothers shoes and try to be more understanding like her. its not and never easy to think that way but it is possible :) but the way i understand it is that she wants grandkids from u. maybe she misses how u were as a child and she wants that again. i dont really know but i think im right about this because woman know woman
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
4 Jul 12
Thank you so much for your advices... I understand why my mom does like that, and she worried for me, but i used to tell her that get married is not look like to buy something in a market...so that i don't need to hurry up to do it. She had grandkids from my brothers already but they don't live with her. For sure if i have kids, they will live with me, not with her also...so that i really hop she could understand and don't put that pressure on me more.
vidhyaprakash_2
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
2 Jul 12
Hi friend, sorry to know about this issue. As a parent your mother doing her work. Most of the parents are interested in conducting their daughter's marriage in a proper time, after that they will be free. There is nothing wrong in getting married, if you are in the proper age for it
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
4 Jul 12
Ya, i know..she just does worry for me only... well, i live a marriage life, but it is not right time yet...i may do it later...
xtinelee
@xtinelee (3371)
• Singapore
2 Jul 12
Well, I guess in traditional Asian families, most parents worry whether their children are going to get married or not. I guess it's just part of their ageing process? They don't want you to feel alone, and of course, they want a grandchild to play with.
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
2 Jul 12
Ya, it is...i really don't like it...however i have no plan to live alone, i will get married soon...but it is what i like, i want, not because of her wanting...
mikyung
@mikyung (2232)
• Philippines
2 Jul 12
Our Moms are like that. They only wish the best for us. You may know if you are ready to marry. Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that you love very much that you don't want to lose? Are you stable enough emotionally to handle a married life? Those are some questions. It's up to you, it's your life to decide. Good luck Thanks
ryanong
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
2 Jul 12
ya, you are right, i know mom only wish the best for us... Umh..i will get married later, not now...currently i have many things to care and can't delay it.. i hope my mom could understand it...