My Friend

@viakri (123)
United States
July 2, 2012 2:32pm CST
I have a friend who watches my kids every day for a few hours while I work. She has two kids, an 18 month old baby girl and a seven year old boy. My sons are 3,5, and 8. Her son is very sweet but he is also very hyper, and does not listen well. I have never seen a kid not be able to sit still quite like this one. He really bugs my oldest and I have had to have talks with my son about getting mad about it. My friend has just recently put her son in occupational therapy and they have been running some tests on him. They know for sure he has serious sensory issues. I have an autistic nephew and if I had to guess, I would say he does not have Autism. However, IMHO, if I were to say it were anything, it may be Asberger's or ADHD. He is very intelligent. He is at a 7th grade math level just getting out of 1st grade. My son asked me why this boy wears a sensory vest and goes to OT like his cousin and I told him they were trying different things and had a talk with him. I told him that everybody is different and maybe this boy does not mean to bug him, maybe he does not know how to play well. I also told him that just because people are different does not mean we don't like them. Today I got this text from my friend: "Hi! We are about to leave therapy. I wish you had not told (my son's name) that (her son's name) might be autistic. No one has made that diagnosis and I feel sensitive about it. I will acknowledge that (her son's name) has special needs. I would really like it if one day your kids would see him as a good buddy. I am concerned that they will treat him differently. The truth is a lot of people have some sort of sensory dysfunction. I have asked if this is a handicap, but my guess is that the answer is no." I never said this boy might have autism. I feel terrible that I may have hurt her feelings and certainly did not intend to. I was trying to teach my son to be understanding of people and since I spoke with him, the two boys get along much better. I don't know what to do now. I really hope she is not mad at me :(
1 response
timsmom3
@timsmom3 (21)
• United States
28 Jul 12
I am a parent of two kids with autism spectrum disorders, and I babysit one with autism, as well. I'm not telling you this to put you down but to explain why your friend was so hurt. During the stages of trying to get the child diagnosed, it's extremely stressful. Inside, she probably suspects autism but she doesn't want to say it. There's such a negative stigma about autism that it breaks a mom's heart to even consider it. She wasn't offended at YOU, but at the word autism. She is going through a nightmare right now with trying to figure out what her son has and how to help him. Now, with that said, I'll explain a little about autism. Don't compare this child to your nephew because autism is very different from one person to the next. My oldest was considered high functioning, but he was MUCH lower functioning than he is now. Many people didn't believe he had it because they didn't live with him to see what we were all living through. My middle child has Asperger's, and is extremely high functioning to the point that we didn't know he had it until he was about 5 (first son was diagnosed at three). This child could very well have autism. The autism spectrum is made up of classic autism, Asperger's, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and more, but I'll stop there since those are the most likely diagnoses he would receive. So, either way, he is probably on the autism spectrum. That's OK! She'll find that out for herself, that an AS diagnosis is not the end of the world. Yes, I've seen one child work at higher levels and one work at lower levels... so does everyone else in the world. My kids are amazing and I can't wait to see where life is taking them! She'll get to that point, I'm sure. She's just not there yet. You did the right thing by teaching your son about autism and why his friend is different. He has to learn to understand others and not just judge them. When someone makes you angry on a regular basis, it's easy to just let the friendship go. By explaining to your son why the child MAY be different, it helps him understand and may help him work harder to make the friendship work, even at such a young age. However, explain to him that he shouldn't say that to other people. :) That's a hard one for kids so young to understand, I know. Give her some space and be there when she does find out what she's dealing with.