I already went to prison...
By mikyung
@mikyung (2232)
Philippines
July 2, 2012 4:52pm CST
I went to prison! It's not that I committed a crime punishable by law. It's that I visited a relative in prison. He has been there for almost 5 years now and it's my first time seeing him there. It's only now that I have the chance to see him, because the rehab facility is far from our place.
He has some bad sides though I can't forget his bright sides. You know, he is a good cook. He's quite generous in many ways, even shared his home cooked meal with everyone back then when he is outside. I don't know what I feel about seeing him there but one thing for sure, we missed his company.
Now I learned that he has a pending papers for release! Soon to have his freedom back in months to come or so. I can see his eagerness to see his family and seize the moment for the lost time.
I wonder now, if he is ready to live his life in the real world in the midst of our neighbor's scrutiny, temptations to those old habits, doubts if he is really a changed man. I hope, he already learned his lessons. All we have to do as relatives is to give our support for his full transition, I hope.
Do you have any similar experience like this?
If you are in my shoes, what would you do to help him in this kind of transition, road to really become a "changed" man?
What are the things that we cannot do?
Thanks
6 people like this
24 responses
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Jul 12
I have visited out at our local prison before. I knew a guy that was in there and what an adventure. I recall having to be patted down before I went into the visiting area. It was sort of degrading and I was glad i didn't go very often. It was quite an adventure.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Jul 12
Yes, it is definitely a once in a life time experience.
1 person likes this
@joevanosa (303)
• Philippines
3 Jul 12
i know this is not a simple process for himself but he really needs to face it. this is one of the consequences he has to deal what he had committed in the past. he needs to be strong because this is part of his life. though scrutinized by others, it doesn't matter at all because this is not about them, this is about my life..making a new life..changed self. If i would be in his shoes, i would be staying away form my relatives, to anyone who knew me so i could get away from their scrutiny. it is not getting away from my life but taking down things..taking s\things slow so i could start my life as i want it to be - happy!
thank God he has given another opportunity to be out in this world, to be a better countryman. I just wish him a happy life!
1 person likes this
@joevanosa (303)
• Philippines
7 Jul 12
yes he should start things slow. i wish him a happy life!
yes, at first it would be very hard for him but he really needs to get away from these temptations.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
5 Jul 12
My best friend is actually in jail right now because she had a probation violation. I have to say that I miss her so much, but I know that she is not going to be there for a long time and I'm counting down the days until she is able to come home.
With that said, I don think that visiting a person that is in jail or prison is one of the hardest things that a person will have to do in their life. This is especially true when you know that the person that is incarcerated is not a bad person.
1 person likes this
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
7 Jul 12
i have been inside a prison before. to see my father. he was in there fore 17 yrs for molesting me and 4 other girls. i turned him in and had to work for years to support my family and let me tell u it wasnt easy.
is he a cook in the prison? he should be to maybe earn some money
1 person likes this
@PageTurner (2825)
• United States
2 Jul 12
Hello mikyung
It is good of you to visit your relative in prison. I am sure that he appreciates this gesture more than you'll ever know. It is encouraging to see that you are focusing on his good qualities rather than mistakes he has made. I think that this will go a long way toward helping him to adjust to a life of freedom.
I visit in jails and prison often. I have also taught classes there, and help a lot in the library.
Peace
1 person likes this
@PageTurner (2825)
• United States
6 Jul 12
Hello binggaling
Some of the inmates I've encountered are eager to learn. Some just want to be somewhere besides their cell, so will take any opportunity it get out. Some do just like to talk.
1 person likes this
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
6 Jul 12
It is very nice of you that you have visited the prison. You are lucky. I don't have such a chance so far. Only i have noticed high and high strong walls of the prison with a curiosity as to what is there inside? Similarly i have one more wish to see mental hospital too.
1 person likes this
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
2 Jul 12
Never visited anyone in prison yet and don't know any relative who is in one but I remember being near the prison once. It was somewhere near a known beach resort here so I think I saw the prison site but didn't really go near as I was scared that time. I don't know why though, just probably not used to it.
Well, you are right, it would be hard for him but the best thing to do as relatives would be to show support and care. It's hard to say if he has truly changed but he must definitely have learned a lesson or two from his experience. I just hope your relative comes out a changed man and that he strives to be a better person everyday and a good example to many.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
Helping him to get back on his feet would be a real challenge. He would probably have a hard time getting a job considering his background. He might want to get into some kind of business using his skills and you can help him with this.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
15 Jul 12
I hope that he will be able to turn his life around as well. It will not be easy. As it is often hard for those who are out of prison to find work and that causes discouragement. Do all that you can to keep him encouraged and help him to stay away from his old habits.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
25 Jul 12
Glad that he has the support he needs. When a person has been in that type of situation they need support. Keep up the good work and I hope that he turns is his around.
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
4 Jul 12
I used to go to prision once a month , for visiting all of them from church. We used to attend mass together , they even have a chorus and read the bible, after the mass , we used to talk with some of them , some were there forever for life time, they seem to be ok , just paying for what they did. If some of them will come out I think it would be good to extend our hand to them if they look rehabilitated and try to help them to find jobs and comeback to a normal life.
1 person likes this
@jobfindonline (1744)
•
4 Jul 12
Ok. I thought you were jailed, thanks it wasn't you.
I couldn't imagine myself going to prison camps, I don't know why I am so hesitant. Maybe because of what I am seeing in the movies. I always think that there could be troubles or riots there and I don't want to be caught in the middle of it. I don't have someone to visit there. Although it would be a great courage from me to drop by someday, I think I would consider visiting the place of course as a visitor and not as inmate.
What you can do is to support him emotionally. It's hard to trust a person who became jailed unless we know that he is not really guilty of the crime. He has to prove himself if he already changed. Yes, it would be great to help him find a job or work that can make himself busy and feel better for his hard work. But you should also take some reservations in dealing with him unless you are 100% sure that he changed a lot.
I couldn't imagine myself going to prison camps, I don't know why I am so hesitant. Maybe because of what I am seeing in the movies. I always think that there could be troubles or riots there and I don't want to be caught in the middle of it. I don't have someone to visit there. Although it would be a great courage from me to drop by someday, I think I would consider visiting the place of course as a visitor and not as inmate.
What you can do is to support him emotionally. It's hard to trust a person who became jailed unless we know that he is not really guilty of the crime. He has to prove himself if he already changed. Yes, it would be great to help him find a job or work that can make himself busy and feel better for his hard work. But you should also take some reservations in dealing with him unless you are 100% sure that he changed a lot.1 person likes this
@sherrybelle (707)
• United States
2 Jul 12
Hi Mikyung,
I don't know what his specific crime was all about but I think one of the best things you can do is...
help him avoid the temptation to commit the crime again.
He has his own choices but if you're a positive influence maybe he'll follow your example.
Maybe you could also help him adjust because he'll need to find work to support himself financially and that might be a challenge for him.
1 person likes this
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
I already went to prison too once with my husband and my in laws. At first I thought that prison was a dangerous and scary place but when I enter inside I saw many prisoners whose holding umbrella and waiting for the visitors and guide them until they reach their destination cell. It likes a little community inside the only difference they have higher fence, securities and far from their families. I feel sad when I saw and learned that many prisoners can see their families because of lack of money. I dont imagine their sadness and willingness to be with their love onces again but since they disobey the law they need to face their consquences. Anyway, I think you should help your relatives to become a changed man because he is your relative and you know him better. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@desiree91 (515)
• Malaysia
4 Jul 12
I've never been to prison my whole life and neither will I ever think of it up to this point when you mentioned your experience. I wonder how is it like? It is creepy? Dark hallways? Sorry I watched too much TV.
1 person likes this
@Jshean20 (14348)
• Canada
27 Jul 12
People will always make mistakes and people often end up in prison due to a bad decision, doesn't always have to do with their personal character and doesn't always make them a bad person either. He's lucky to have someone in his life that is truly concerned and is looking for ways to help him though! I would say it would be helpful to just compliment him on things when the timing is right, compliment his skills and hopefully he will apply them to something rewarding.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
21 Jul 12
Unless he has changed his way of thinking, you cannot do it for him. I gather by your discussion, that he thanks he can get away on his charm and good looks. You can however get him to use his talents, i.e. his cooking ability --there might be offering for a good cook in a restaurant or he could take a course and become a chef. He has to keep away from his old companions in a life of crime but that will be part of his parole.
The thing is even when he changes, there will be those who think he has not, and you have to see that he does not go back to his life of crime through discouragements and listening to their disapproval. AS I said, the only thing that you cannot change is his mind, the rest you will have to work on, but it can be done.
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
25 Jul 12
Hi mikyung well I suppose it depends on what he has done.Everybody deserves a second chance.Just support him and be nice.That is all you can do as keeping him on the straight and narrow is down to him.He might hit a brick wall with some ,but on the whole most people would think like me,he paid for what he did and let him get on with life.Give him a chance to live a normal life although after being locked up for so long he might find it hard at first.Good luck to him
.
.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
5 Jul 12
I haven't gone to prison yet and i don't know any one in a prison also...so that i really don't know how to help him if i were in your shoes. I know in here there are many guys in prison who are good but it is not easy for them to get back normal life because many people are scary and really don't want to relate with a guy who used to live in prison..so that many guys may go back to prison later.
He is a good cooker, so that he can open an restaurant when he can get out of a prison, right? you can help him whenever he needs your help...
I wish him all the best!
@olliekobra1 (1825)
•
8 Jul 12
Hopefully he has changed and takes this opportunity to be a changed person , all you can do is move forward and hope all I's ok
@olliekobra1 (1825)
•
18 Aug 12
you are right , the person will need as much support as he can get to keep him in society.
@jonadams1 (16)
• United States
26 Jul 12
I just got out of prison. I was in boot camp for 4 months. It was easy. Not saying I enjoyed it but it wasnt like everyone says it is
